Want To Play Bad Games (WHY??), Here Are My 15 Least Favourite Console Games of This Generation

Written By: Tyler Selig

Now complete with flashy images.

But First, A Quick Update On The Blog:

I know it’s been a long time since you’ve heard from me, and that’s simply because a) I haven’t known what to write and b) I haven’t been playing many games the last week or so, except for Payday 2 and Path of Exile, but I don’t feel like I’ve experienced Path of Exile enough to throw up a review (perhaps at a later date because I feel it is a game worth talking about).

But don’t stop paying attention to the blog yet (haha), because I got a smorgasbord of content coming. Some of the content that should find its way onto this very blog in the near future include:

-          PS4 unboxing video.

-          First ever video of me and one of my brothers talking shop on various game related matters. I intend this to be a series, but the people on it won’t always be the same.

-          Reviews of games such as Killzone: Shadow Fall, Resogun, Contrast and Super Mario 3D World, among others.

-          Various rants and raves.

-          Naked pictures of girls (just kidding).

-          We’re also going to be into Awards Season soon, so at the end of the year I intend on making an event out of my video game awards. I milk this shit so bad.

I know you’re thinking, “Okay Tyler, onto the worst games,” and we’re almost there. I just want to say that I am always looking for people to write for this blog. I want to try to get content up daily or at least every second day but since I’m by myself it’s a little difficult. So to anybody reading this, feel free to email me at artbathedincrime@hotmail.com (if you’re some person on the net I don’t know), or if you know me in person (unlucky bastard) then just message me or do that thing where you talk to me in person. I am also putting some of my friends who haven’t written on blast right now… get your shit together and write for me! You know who you are!

And Now On With the Show

There are a lot of bad games, and I avoided most of them. I’m pretty good at guessing what will be worth my time and what won’t, though I’m a flawed human so some snuck through. Some games are too easy to pick on, but these are games I legitimately wanted to play. It would be so simple to play some of these stupid movie-tie ins, shitty kids games or shovelware and make a list of those but I didn’t go that route (partially because I just know to avoid those).

To celebrate the release of the PS4 this week, and the Xbone next week, I figured now was a good time to post up my worst console games of the current gen, before a lot of us move onto the future (unless you're a PC Gamer because then you've been in the future for a long time if you have the money).

So let’s do this.

15: Grand Theft Auto 4 (PS3, Xbox 360)

                I’m going to admit that it’s probably a technically sound game, and if you’re into this kind of thing you probably like GTA 4. Maybe it’s a little unfair to place it in the same list as some of the TERRIBLE games that are in this list, but I just plain didn’t like GTA 4. I know what they were trying to do, and it just didn’t really appeal to me, not like some of the others.

14: No More Heroes (Wii)

                There are things to like about No More Heroes. Admittedly the action is pretty decent and it has that Suda51 stylistic flair. But there are certain gameplay mechanics that absolutely sink this game for me, and they seem so little but they make me hate the game, like when you’re riding your motorcycle or whatever and it seems like an exercise in boredom rather than a game or even a statement on things.

                As it stands, this is the only Suda game I don’t like, and I’d defend all his other games gladly because I do think he is something special within the industry.

                If I had played a lot more absolutely terrible games, maybe this wouldn’t have made it on this list but it is a deeply flawed game and I can’t bring myself to play it.

13: Ninja Gaiden 3 (PS3, Xbox 360)

                It pains me to include Ninja Gaiden in here. The last couple were so good. They were technical action games where you really had to try. Then Ninja Gaiden comes along and simplifies it to the point that it’s easy and there’s no thought involved. That in itself isn’t terrible, but it’s Ninja Gaiden and Ninja Gaiden deserves more, so without the excellent combat the game suffers and there isn’t really anything else in it to save it. It can’t even rely on having a wonderful style or memorable characters, because it’s just blah all around.

12: Arcania: Gothic 4 (PS3, Xbox 360)

                There’s very little that bores me more than a generic fantasy setting. This is a generic RPG with a generic fantasy setting, and whatever charm was in the previous games was taken out of this one.

11: Haze (PS3)

                I can safely say that the only thing that interested me about Haze is… a jump scare. And that’s pretty sad when that’s all you have going for you.

                It’s a shame that the developers of Haze turned out such a steaming pile of poo-poo, because Free Radical made Timesplitters and Timesplitters is the mad note. Haze, on the other hand, suffers from no real action set-pieces, terrible AI that makes Snooki seem smart (oh how relevant I am), and just boring gunplay in general.

                Oh and you spend a lot of time in a helicopter with them talking. And they talk like douchebags.

 10: Lost Planet 2 (PS3, Xbox 360)

                I really wish I could have gotten more into Lost Planet 2. Not even doing a partial “Let’s Play” with a friend made me actually enjoy this game. It’s just a generic Sci-Fi shooter.

9: Hunted: The Demon’s Forge (PS3, Xbox 360)

                Believe it or not, I had extremely high hopes for this one. A co-op 3^rd person shooter with a fantasy setting seemed like something I’d be into. Oh boy was I wrong. This shit is just plain boring and brings absolutely nothing to the table that would make me even tell people that it’s worth playing.

8: Kane and Lynch: Dog Days (PS3, Xbox 360)

                I actually really like the first one! I know!

                I’m pretty forgiving of Kane and Lynch: Dead Men, but I’m not so forgiving to this piece of shit. I know they tried to make it all gritty but it really just seems lifeless. Nothing is as satisfying as in the first one, and I’m aware that there are a lot of people that would disagree with me that the first is even a good game… so the second would be especially terrible.

                Well imaginary readers of this blog, I agree that Dog Days is awful, but you’re wrong on the first one! It was fun, this one was not.

7: Lucha Libre AAA 2010: Héroes del Ring (Xbox 360, PS3)

                A game that takes the legendary AAA pro-wrestling product and tries to make it into a game excites me, because we don’t get to see that. I actually had extremely high hopes for this one so I went in excited. Boy, was I ever disappointed.

                Wrestling games have taken a major dip in quality since the N64 days and I don’t feel like that’s nostalgia talking because I played one of them a while back and they were still a ton of fun, despite not having the amount of power that we have these days to make games that astound us. The gameplay mechanics were just solid and that foundation allowed them to make some pretty incredible stuff. Developers should just take the old engine and update it.

                So I haven’t really been truly in love with a wrestling game since those days, and Lucha Libre is one of the worst wrestling games I’ve played because none of it works and it takes a brand that is exciting, entertaining and just straight up fun, dilutes it and gives us this poor excuse for a wrestling game.             

6: Supremacy MMA (Xbox 360)

                Speaking of poor excuses for something that is exciting, here we have Supremacy MMA… one of the worst fighting games I’ve ever played. This sentiment is made worse by the fact that MMA is an extremely thrilling and unpredictable sport that I love, and they decided to strip the game of that.

                They wanted to show the underground world of MMA and I actually don’t really have a problem with that. I’m not going to decry it for that on the grounds of “BUT MMA ALREADY HAS A HARD ENOUGH TIME BEING ACCEPTED” because… well it’s a game. I’m not involved in the politics.

                What I will decry the game for is being complete and utter shit from the ground up. Poor controls, and gameplay that doesn’t even feel like MMA. This isn’t an MMA game, it’s a fighting game (in the vein of a Street Fighter) that tries to dress up like an MMA game. There’s a difference, and this one does it so poorly it’s not worth playing.

5: Quantum Theory (PS3, Xbox 360)

                Here’s a game that wants to be Gears of War so hard. So, so hard.

                I’m not the biggest fan of Gears, though I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy the first one. I guess I just peaced out of the series because 2 was pretty good, and when I played 3 I just didn’t enjoy it anymore. But I can respect the place that Gears of War has in the canon of Video Game History (whatever that is… look I’m just trying to be nice).

                Quantum Theory must have taken the code from Gears because it looks and plays the same except somehow it manages to fuck it up. This is what happens when a developer wants to capitalize on the success of a major game, ladies and gents.

4: NeverDead (Xbox 360, PS3)

                I’ve tried pushing the memories of bad games out of my head and for the most part I’ve succeeded, but as far as I can remember, NeverDead had an interesting concept: you were immortal and you lost body parts and had to regain them. I think that this idea had a lot of potential but they failed completely because the dismemberment angle just ended up being a chore, and who could imagine getting dismembered as being anything other than a good time.

                But it doesn’t stop there. The “levels” are poorly designed, the control scheme is terrible, gunplay lacks any oomph and the swordplay is straight-up boring and uninspired.

                NeverDead should have NeverbeenMade. Oh snap.

                Don’t worry, I’m soon done.

               

3: Dark (Xbox 360, PS3)

                Here we have a new game… fresh from this year.

                You play as a vampire which should be fun because hey, at least it isn’t zombies. It’s a stealth-based game, and since you got superpowers, there should be a lot of fun to be had here. Think a game like Dishonoured, only… not. Then you have Dark.

                Nothing feels right about this game, and because of that, nothing feels right. Stalking your enemies for that smooth kill is just not as much fun as it should be.

                Dark should have been left in the dark. That’s right, I went there.

2: Conflict: Denied Ops (PS3, Xbox 360)

                You’re going to laugh at me internet but I’m a huge fan of the Conflict series. I know that they don’t play as smooth as they should, but I love them. Give me Conflict: Desert Storm, Desert Storm 2 and Global Terror (also the Vietnam one but that one isn’t quite as good) any day of the week. I think they’re just a damn good time and I have good memories with ‘em.

                But Conflict ended up being a completely generic shooter. I guess people might say that the other ones are, but listen, in Denied Ops you couldn’t even pick up enemy guns. You couldn’t do something that most shooters allow you to do these days.

                The rest of the game is just shit too. Nothing is good about it, it’s just that one particular gameplay choice always stuck out to me, and they shit on my beloved Conflict.

1: Rogue Warrior (PS3, Xbox 360)

                You can make a bad shooter, and they certainly did with Rogue Warrior, but how many times can you hear one man curse and be a shithead before you just check out of the game? This is what Rogue Warrior wrestles with.

                All he does is swear and I know it seems silly but I swear to Kojima that that’s what the developers were banking on to make this game stick out. It must be because they didn’t get anything else correct that makes a good shooter a good shooter. You just go through the bland levels doing things you’ve done a million times, only worse, and he curses people out.

                Rogue Warrior is really godawful.

                So that’s it, those are my worst console games of this generation. Agree, disagree, love GTA 4? Let me know in the comments below. Thanks for reading.

My Top 50 Favourite Video Games of This Generation, 50 - 41

Written By: Tyler Selig

Unless you’ve been going out and having a life, which I don’t understand, you are aware Sony and Microsoft are releasing their new systems next month. Sony went with the tried, tested and true Playstation 4, while Microsoft opted to confuse the fuck out of people by calling theirs the Xbox One.

                So with the Wii U already out, and these systems on their way to world domination, I reckon now is a good time to give my favourite 50 games of this generation. I’m only going to include console games, so only PS3, 360 and Wii are represented here.

                And if this blog ever got readers, I’m sure some of you will be annoyed by my choices. I definitely follow popular opinion on some games, but I have included games on here that probably no one else would ever include on a Top 50. But that’s the fun… different opinions. I know the internet doesn’t take too kindly to that.

                There are some things that bother me about my list. For as many games as I have played, there are games I know would have made it here, that I just didn’t play. Sorry to those games. I will play you some day.

                I intend to put up an article each day, with ten games each day, so this is a big five day event. Woo hoo. Let’s do this.

50: Kane and Lynch: Dead Men (PS3, 360)

                Maybe Kane and Lynch is not a game most people would pick. I understand that. I don’t think it got great reviews, and even my friend said the controls felt weird. To me, the game plays like the old Conflict games (not Denied Ops, that game sucks), and those have always been “guilty pleasures” of mine, if I believed in feeling guilty about liking things. So I was used to the controls.

                While I don’t like the sequel, I thought the first one is an underrated shooter. It doesn’t bring anything new to the table but sometimes shooting is just fun, and the relationship between these two makes it interesting.

                I think more people should give Kane and Lynch a fair shake. I’m aware I probably like it more than most, but I stand by it. It almost didn’t make the list but I have to show it love.

49: Deathsmiles (360)

                Deathsmiles was a game I knew nothing about but I took a chance. I’m glad I did, because what I found was a wonderful side-scrolling shooting game that is colourful and intense. Maybe it’s because you don’t often see retail games tackle this kind of genre – as it’s mostly indies that do it these days – but it was a breath of fresh air for me. It’s well made, with a lot of style.

               

48: Lost in Shadow (Wii)

                Lost in Shadow takes a genre as old as games (platforming), and adds an interesting twist. You play as a shadow, so instead of jumping on solid objects, you jump on the shadows of said solid objects. It doesn’t seem like much but I felt that it changed up the genre enough to make this stand out, and it made me think a little more about where I was jumping.

                Though people criticize the Wii for not having good graphics, I think Lost in Shadow succeeds in something more important: visual design/art style. It’s a pretty game because they took care to create an interesting world.

                My only dig is the insane amount of backtracking later on. If it weren’t for that momentum killer, I would have put this game higher than I did. This is one of those special games that should be included in “most overlooked games” years from now.

47: Mario Kart Wii (Wii)

                While I don’t think Mario Kart Wii stands up to some of the older Mario Karts, and I’ve been a little bit tough on it, I’ve decided that my disappointment was due more to the outstanding quality of previous games, and not a dig on the game itself.

                I have criticisms, but an average Mario Kart is still a great game. The one thing I do love about the game is the steering wheel packaged right in. That’s a great touch.

                Mario Kart Wii does change things up a bit, so while it wasn’t the huge jump up that I wanted, it’s still wonderful.

46: Catherine (PS3, 360)

                Catherine is another breath of fresh air to me. A game that, at its core, is about a relationship… ends up being much more than that. The story is a little messed up, and it helps that you can affect how it plays out. I was into the story from the moment I started a new game, and I wanted to see what would happen next.

                But it’s not just a story-driven game. No, it does everything else really well too. It does a lot of things well, from the music to the graphics, but above all else, the game is just fun to play. It’s a puzzle game but the gist of it is that you just have to climb up blocks. It doesn’t sound like much but it can be pretty intense, especially at bosses, and it’s something different.

               

45: Alan Wake (360)

                Alan Wake is a great survival horror game. While it isn’t as good as Silent Hill (when it’s at its best), this is still great. The most important aspect of it is the story, but it does get the scares down as well.

                I also am a fan of some of the music choices it picks to end the episodes with, such as Haunted by Poe. I marked out pretty hard when I heard that song because I love it.

44: Fragile Dreams: Farewell Ruins of the Moon (Wii)

                What a sad, sad Wii game. I’m so glad I bought it though.

                It’s an RPG, and it’s another overlooked game, though I feel some of the better Wii games are overlooked because Nintendo didn’t market some of these very well.

                Like Lost in Shadow, sure, the graphics aren’t great, but the visual design is amazing. Fragile Dreams has such a rich, lonely world, that it’s easy to get lost in it and feel something as you play the main character, a person who has to travel this world, mostly alone. It’s a gripping tale.

                The one issue is that while I think weapons breaking is a good mechanic that should be left in the game, weapons break too much, to the point it becomes a chore to play at games. So this is the one thing that keeps it from getting a little higher.

                But I stand by Fragile Dreams as being one of the better RPGs of the last decade.

43: Mirror’s Edge (PS3, 360)

                I’m glad Mirror’s Edge is finally getting a sequel because it deserves it.

                You take a look at it and you think, “Oh, a first-person shooter with a weird colour palette,” but you’d only be partially right.

                I agree that it has a weird colour palette but it hits the dystopian feel so well because of it. It doesn’t look like other games. The colours also make it easy to spot where you can jump, which is important because this is what makes it different.

                Mirror’s Edge penalizes you for shooting, and urges you to run. Because of this, the game is fast-paced and thrilling. You can disarm guards, but you do it mostly just so they don’t shoot you so you can run away.

                You don’t get many games like this these days, and it should be embraced for that reason.

42: Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 (PS3, 360)

                Admittedly I was never a massive Ninja Gaiden fan. I definitely enjoyed the crushing difficulty of the NES games, but I wouldn’t include them in my favourite games of all time.

                It took me awhile to play the modern versions of the series. They aren’t side-scrolling platformers anymore, they’re really hard action games.

                It does what these types of games need to do to be successful. The combat is difficult but deep, and each fight seems like a struggle. You can’t just button mash (not that there’s anything wrong with that gameplay choice), you have to try each time or you could die.

41: Limbo (360, PS3)

                Limbo creates a dark world full of intrigue. It’s not a long game, but it does what it sets out to do. It transports you to a mysterious, menacing place, and you have to platform your way out of the situation. The ending is a nice touch. 

Well people, that’s it. What do you think of these games? Let me know in the comments how stupid you think I am. Until next time, thanks for reading.

[Click here to see 40 - 31]