Well, another week is over, and you know what that means? Yes, you have to go pick up your kid you deadbeat dad. To anyone who hasn't gone through a messy divorce, it is time to read my weekly video game news-round up!
I know you're sitting there wondering what this entails, but I think it's pretty obvious by the title. However, if that's too complex... basically I go through video game news that I deem important or at the very least easy to make fun of (hey, I have to make it simple for myself), and I comment on it/bore you to death.
In Titanfall The Titans Are Fueled by... Sandwiches?
http://onthegamely.blogspot.com
Good news people! Since every game site is just flooding their website with Titanfall in an effort to get more views, I am also doing it by making shit up!
In news that everybody already knew, sandwiches are awesome. To further this point, the titans in the game Titanrise will fuel themselves on those delicious little morsels we call sandwiches. Yum yum.
Peter Molyneux Says Godus Isn't Free-To-Play... It's Invest-To-Play
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/peter-molyneux-says-godus-is-invest-to-play-not-free-to-play/1100-6417794/
Apparently Molyneux says his new, admittedly neat, game Godus isn't going to be free-to-play, but he says it'll make you want to invest money to play. So be honest, just between me and you Pete... are you saying that I HAVE TO BUY THE GAME? What a novel idea!
We don't know exactly what he means, but I don't even know if he knows what he means at this point. The guy is known for this kind of thing after all.
But just to give his statement more attention than it deserves, let me show you what the exchange at the game store (no real store names here because I don't get paid for this!) would be like for Godus, if it weren't a download only title:
Sorry, You Have To Click This Link To See It
Apple and Google Reject Any App With "Flappy" In The Name
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/beyond-two-souls-david-cage-first-game-developer-to-receive-france-s-highest-honor/1100-6417793/
The news is in the title, and it's pretty self-explanatory. But damn, there goes my idea for the first ever bird RPG that really examines the plight of our fine feathered friends. I was going to call it Flappy Bird because I don't think that is taken.
Mutant Mudds Sold More On Wii U... Hold On...
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/2d-platformer-mutant-mudds-sold-more-on-wii-u-than-steam-ps3-ps-vita-combined/1100-6417790/
Something sold on the Wii U? It beat Steam, PS3 and Vita? Combined?
Wow. I don't... I don't even know what to say. This hasn't ever happened before.
Twitch Plays... Pokemon?
http://www.digitalspy.ca/gaming/news/a551502/pokemon-crowd-sourced-playthrough-being-played-live-on-twitch-watch.html
So, a crowd-sourced playthrough of Pokemon is happening. It's gotten popular this week, or at the very least is being reported on. It's going to run 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and it's strangely alluring. Depending on who you ask, it's either the coolest thing ever or the dumbest shit to ever hit the net. But it doesn't matter who you ask because I'm right and I say it's awesome.
So if you want to watch people bang into walls, make battles more difficult than they have to be, and generally just accomplish nothing for hours on end, go here to join in the madness:
http://www.twitch.tv/twitchplayspokemon
Final Fantasy 7 HD Remake... Still Not Coming
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/17/final-fantasy-7-hd-remake-discussed-by-director
Yoshinori Kitase admitted that he'd love to do the remake, but not really because he'd have to be extremely motivated to do it since it'd be huge. What this means is that the FF7 remake will never come.
To be honest I don't even care anymore. Unless they added a whole bunch of content to it it doesn't even matter because the classic, original version still exists and is extremely easy to get to. It'd be nice to see it all look pretty, but the block hands remain strong with this one.
However, we (I say this like there are lots of people writing for this blog) here at On The Gamely are expert detectives and I got to the bottom of this. I know the real reason why they won't remake Final Fantasy 7 -- while making sequels to Final Fantasy 13 -- and I know why they keep talking about it despite that fact. Square Enix is run by the tears of fans. If they satisfy the consumers than they will cease to exist. If you look at it that way it's understandable.
MGS5 To Run At 1080p On PS4 And 720p On Xbone
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/metal-gear-solid-5-ground-zeroes-is-1080p-on-ps4-guess-what-it-is-on-xbox-one/1100-6417797/
Poor Xbox One, can't buy a break. Listen while the PS4 fanboys scoff you.
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| Yes Nelson is a PS4 fan. |
Also In Metal Gear Solid News...
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/17/limited-edition-metal-gear-solid-5-ps4-console-teased
If you can't tell by now I'm a Metal Gear fanatic so any time there's anything ever about the game or Metal Gear in general (SNAKE TAKES A POO), then I put it in here... but this news has me a little scared.
It's not that having a Metal Gear Solid 5: Ground Zeroes bundle with the PS4 is bad news on the surface, but what if it's actually a Metal Gear posing as a PS4? You think that's weird but Metal Gear Solid.
TITANFALL Could Possibly Have 15 Maps
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/17/titanfall-maps-modes-more-revealed-in-data-dig
A hex editor was used and they dug up some data, like a possible 15 maps in the multiplayer only shooter TITANFALL (which will now only be written in the News Round-Up in all capital letters).
Mentioning TITANFALL to try to get more hits? Check.
I mean, I would never do that.
The plot twist is that I don't get more hits anyway.
Terraria Gives You More Reason To Wish That Your Life Was A Cute 2D Game
http://www.destructoid.com/well-that-s-a-crap-ton-of-stuff-added-to-terraria-270647.phtml
I was under the impression that Terraria support was dead, but then we got an update a while back that was huge. Now we got another big update.
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| That seems to happen a lot in Hard Mode. |
IT LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVES!
But yeah, click that link above to go to Destructoid and see all these new, fancy updates.
Playstation 4's Power Level Is Over 5 Million
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/playstation-4-breezes-past-5m-sales-milestone/1100-6417806/
People love PS4. So much so that 5.3 million people have forked out $400 dollars to invest in Sony's next-gen console.
Meanwhile the Wii U is heading towards 5 million sales and should be there in 3 more years.
Killer Is Dead Is About To Mack Girls On The PC
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/suda-51-s-barmy-action-title-killer-is-dead-coming-to-pc/1100-6417802/
The Suda51 jam, Killer is Dead, is an underrated game in my eyes, as are most of Suda's games. Yes, I'm an apologist for him and quite enjoyed Killer is Dead for the most part. Well, to anybody who wants to experience his brand of weird, confusing and kind-of fucked on the PC then you're in luck because it will be coming.
If A Game Sucks, Then Experiment With Competitive Pricing
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/microsoft-conducting-xbox-one-digital-pricing-experiment-with-ryse-sale/1100-6417801/
I feel bad (not really) that I always seem to pick on Microsoft or just ignore them but here I'm throwing them a bone. The digital version of Ryse is going to be 40 dollars, so if you haven't played it and enjoy boring yourself, then get this game.
In a serious note, it's nice that the price is reduced as it may help sell some copies.
Editor's Note: I haven't played the game. Plot twist!
Chroma Was Announced And MUSIC AS A WEAPON!
http://www.gamespot.com/videos/chroma-announcement-trailer/2300-6417285/
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| Yes, I made a Chris Brown joke when talking about violence... and he also makes crappy music so it's a joke within a joke. Either I'm horrendously outdated or this was a.... JOKECEPTION! It's probably just the first thing. |
In the trailer above, Harmonix announced their free-to-play shooter Chroma. In my humble opinion it's actually a pretty solid looking game, but I can't shake the feeling due to the song choice in the trailer that they played with the dubstep gun in Saints Row and decided to make a full game of it.
Listen, I know that there will be other genres represented and I'm not hating because Saints Row is the bomb. I'm just giving my first impression of the trailer.
But you aren't paying attention anyway because I lost you at "free-to-play" so I can say just about anything I want here. I won't though because I have integrity. And pride. And I'm not clever enough to say something funny here.
Cliff B. Wanted Band of Brothers, Got Predator?
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/cliff-bleszinski-i-d-like-to-think-there-s-more-to-my-creativity-than-gears-of-war/1100-6417807/
Ol' Cliff Bleszinski is coming through the door blasting on various game related matters this week. He said that gamers don't need explanations like "press A to jump" and instead gamers will release videos and teach each other. He also said that he doesn't like disc-based games and won't make another.
But the most shocking? Okay, it isn't really shocking but I'm trying to get you excited. He had this to say about Gears of War:
"At the end of the day, [Gears of War is] known
for being a fun, fantastic franchise. But I'd like to think there's more
to my creativity than that. At the end of the day,
you're shooting fucking lizard-men in the fucking face with a fucking
chainsaw gun. It didn't wind up what I'd
hoped; I'd pitched it as 'Band of Brothers with monsters'--you know Band
of Brothers is well-done and emotional, telling the story of the
Greatest Generation and what they did in the war. Yet somehow we landed
on 'Predator'... the characters being all 'buff and manly', I'd never
planned on that."
Didn't plan on it, just made it. I believe you Cliff.
Don't Worry Persona Fans, Atlus Is Good
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/persona-developer-atlus-secured-in-sega-restructuring/1100-6417808/
It's cool, don't worry, Sega restructured but Atlas has a place. So you can still expect Persona 5. High school has never been more fun!
After The New Xbox One Update, Some Users Experience The Dark Abyss
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/xbox-one-black-screen-issue-pops-up-after-latest-update/1100-6417809/
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| No, not that Abyss. |
Some users are experiencing a black screen issue, but there's an easy fix for it. Just power cycle your Xbox One by holding down the power button for 10 seconds and ta-da, it's like Microsoft didn't even fuck up.
"This Chief" Is The Greatest Rust Player... Ever
http://www.destructoid.com/rust-needs-more-players-like-this-guy-270711.phtml
The Order: 1886 Gets A New Trailer
http://www.gamespot.com/videos/the-order-1886-new-era-trailer/2300-6417286/
Great movie, can't wait to watch. Hope it wins an Oscar. I wonder what it'll do at the box office. I hope my theatre gets it. I can keep going with these movie jokes... why they think releasing a cinematic trailer for games is a good idea opposed to actual gameplay is beyond me.
Killzone: Mercenary Gets NEW OLD MAPS
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/19/killzone-mercenary-receives-two-free-multiplayer-maps
Tharsis Depot and Blood Gracht, each from Killzone 2, are the free maps that are coming for people who own the Vita FPS. Lucky. Not like I ever owned Killzone 2 or anything. I don't care. It doesn't matter to me. It's old news.
...Okay so I'm just trying to come off like I don't care, but deep down I care more than you'll ever know. /emo
Square Interested In Bringing Final Fantasy to PC
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/19/future-final-fantasy-games-may-come-to-pc
It turns out that the FFXIII games were all working on PC, and Square is interested in bringing future Final Fantasy games to the PC. However, they stated that marketing and security issues made them decide against bringing FFXIII to the master race.
You know what this means? Final Fantasy didn't come to PC... PC gaming is dead.
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| R.I.P. PC Gaming |
Then I consider how few people pay attention to me and it's probably more along the lines of this:
Kevin Levine Is Shutting Irrational Games DOOOOOOWN...
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/bioshock-creator-irrational-games-is-shutting-down/1100-6417821/
...And taking 15 of the developers with him. The others will be looked after, if you are to believe this article. Levine wants to go on to make something that is unlike anything he's done before, and now Bioshock is owned by 2K. He states he hopes he can make something half as good as Bioshock.
I have no faith in him, he's only made System Shock 2, Thief and Bioshock. Noob.
Fallout 4 Shouldn't Be Expected Anytime Soon, People Are Killing Themselves As I Type This
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/fallout-4-don-t-expect-an-announcement-anytime-soon/1100-6417842/
Honestly I would make a joke here, but I feel bad for Fallout fans. They've been teased and teased and just when they think they're going to get to stick it in, or have something stuck in, it's ripped away from them.
I'm sorry.
(Haha, no new Fallout anytime soon)
Now Luigi Can Go Back To Being Ignored
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/miyamoto-puts-an-official-end-to-the-year-of-luigi/1100-6417820/
That's right. The year of Luigi is over on March 18. What comes next? Nobody knows. Knowing Nintendo right now, my guess is nothing.
NO, PC GAMING IS DEAD, I SAID IT ABOVE
http://www.destructoid.com/gdc-poll-devs-focused-on-pc-not-so-much-the-wii-u-270743.phtml
GDC surveyed developers and 20 percent of them intend on releasing their next game on the PS4. 17 percent are going the way of Xbox OneThree, while a whopping 4 percent are supporting the Wii U. The popularity seems to be on PC and mobile gaming, the latter being a disgrace. We got 53 percent for PC and 52 percent for mobile/tablets.
I can't wait to torture myself trying to handle bullshit touch screen controls.
Crysis Bundle Coming To Origin For $50*
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/all-three-crysis-games-available-for-50-on-origin/1100-6417858/
It's actually a pretty great deal if you haven't played the games. I haven't played the first one and had to do the console peasant thing and play 2 and 3 on Xbox, but if you're looking to catch up, then here you go.
*You only need to spend 80000 dollars to get a computer that can run the first one. Hell, my computer couldn't even turn on the third, I think it said something like, "Your computer sucks, destruction imminent" and then my computer combusted.
Microsoft Passed On Rime, Now Gets "Dem Feels" Over The Decision
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/20/microsoft-passed-on-ps4-exclusive-rime
Well, no shit Microsoft. You should have known that this is a game you should be getting. It looks beautiful, promises some fun gameplay elements and it has one of those trailers that make the internet lose their minds because it's so pretty and the song reaches into your cold dead heart and brings it back to life again (coincidentally bringing you back to life again and scaring the shit out of your family).
At least Phil Spencer admits it was a mistake. That's a plus. I should be hired for Microsoft because On The Gamely credentials obviously means I'd be a good fit.
So to those who are looking to frolic through the wilderness, you'll have to pick up a PS4.
Sacred 3 Coming This Year To PC, PS3 And 360
http://www.destructoid.com/sacred-3-is-coming-to-the-pc-ps3-and-xbox-360-this-year-270856.phtml
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| My brother and I once we found this out. |
Nemesis System Will Be Lesser On PS3 and 360
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/one-of-shadow-of-mordor-s-most-ambitious-features-scaled-back-for-xbox-360-ps3/1100-6417861/
It was announced this week that the nemesis system won't have as much depth if you're playing Shadow of Modor on the older systems.
Whaaaaaaat? A next-gen game not being as good on an old system? I won't stand for this!
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| Ahhhh, current and relevant references. |
Xbox One Media Remote Exists! Yes!
http://www.destructoid.com/the-xbox-one-media-remote-is-now-official-270874.phtml
So in March apparently you can buy this bad boy. Kinect will still be around to
PS4 Is Like "Where's Waldo?" Up In Dis Bitch
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/ps4-will-remain-hard-to-find-until-april-says-sony/1100-6417876/
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| You ever notice that I have this weird fascination with replacing the heads of things with consoles? |
Yes, another video game console shortage until Spring. It's not really news because it happens all the time unless... you're... WII U! But yeah, seriously, you'll just have to steal a PS4 from your friend until then.
Diddy Kong is Back For Blood In New Super Smash Bros
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/21/diddy-kong-joining-super-smash-bros-wii-u-3ds
That's right, Diddy Kong is returning to lay the smack down Rock style in the newest Super Smash Bros.
Almost Got Through The Week...
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/battlefield-4-pc-bug-causing-game-to-freeze-enter-sound-loop/1100-6417893/
...Without hearing about Battlefield 4 having issues. There's a bug that is causing the game to freeze. Hallelujah, the world is normal again.
Star Citizen Makes Dat Money
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/pc-space-sim-star-citizen-funding-reaches-an-astonishing-39-million/1100-6417890/
Star Citizen has made 40... oh who cares, let's talk Titanfall!
Just kidding. It's nice to see that Star Citizen funding has reached 40 million, which is just pocket change when you have a successful video game blog.
Why Is The Metal Gear Solid Story So Confusing Hideo?
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/kojima-explains-why-metal-gear-solid-story-is-so-complicated/1100-6417895/
Because nanomachines.
(It's because he didn't have the entire story fleshed out so there are going to be some inconsistencies.)
Good News, World of Warcraft Won't Be Pay-To-Win Because It Breaks the Players Trust And Blizzard Wouldn't Do That
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/blizzard-world-of-warcraft-is-not-going-to-become-pay-to-win/1100-6417898/
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| I'll just leave this here. Thanks to diablo3fever for not knowing I stole it. |
I hope you enjoyed this weeks installment of the News Round-Up. We had some good times, we had some bad, but they are all times we will be glad we had. Let me know what you think in the comments below (nobody ever really has) or on Twitter @ArtBathednCrime.
P.S. TITANFALL
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