It's that time of the year... that time where people celebrate their relationships, loners feel even more alone and every website on the planet makes a Valentine's Day special. I am no different, so I've created a list of 14 games (though technically 15 but two are in the same series) that you should play on this precious corporate cash grab day. There are probably games more deserving but I threw this together pretty quickly and I feel it's a good start.
Er, I mean, you shouldn't be playing video games anyway... go take your girlfriend or boyfriend out and enjoy life.
Baby Maker Extreme 2
If you're a straight couple then this is how it's going to go. You are a man (look, just go with it ladies), and you are going to charm your woman. You will go out, get something to eat, maybe go dancing. Maybe you'll go have a picnic... I don't know, it's your Valentine's Day. Then you're going to have sex. It's a foregone conclusion so just roll with it. But the real problem comes afterwards -- the pregnancy. Oh no! We don't have money, we're in debt, we're thirteen, we don't know how to handle this situation.
Don't worry, because Baby Maker Extreme 2 has at least one of those problems under control. This game will teach you exactly how the birth is going to be, and it's insanely accurate. You're welcome lovers.
Super Mario Bros.
Let's be honest, the core Mario games work because the whole point was usually to save the princess. Isn't that true love? I think it has to be. Or it's just some weird roleplay that I don't want to think about. Gross, Mario.
Braid
Braid is a big indie game because it got really popular. That's fair because I think it deserves it. But that in itself doesn't make it a great game to play on Valentine's Day, so what does? The fact that throughout the whole thing are you trying to save a girl a la Mario. Or it's a metaphor for a bomb. Either way it's like a relationship and this puzzle-platformer should definitely be played on that day.
Catherine
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| Just explain why you're playing a game with things like this. |
The whole game is focused on relationships. I mean, it's not that romantic as it deals with cheating and whatnot, but it's still a clever, slightly weird game to play with your significant other... right?
Ico
The Darkness 1 and 2
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| Ahhh, love. |
If you can get past the fact that these games are incredibly dark, you actually have one of the more heart-warming tales of love in gaming. This isn't even a joke. The Darkness 2 especially conveys how much the main character loves his girlfriend.
Mario Kart
Most of my picks have been single player, so I have to throw out this. Mario Kart is acceptable for any situation that you could possibly dream up, but especially Valentine's Day because it's simple to get into, has familiar characters and is just a lot of fun to play with someone.
I Wanna Be The Guy
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| Get used to seeing that. It's also a great reason to quit playing games and actually go out. |
Notorious for being incredibly um, challenging, I Wanna Be The Guy is a perfect opportunity to tell your significant other how good he/she/It has it. Think about it -- the game is so hard that after your lover has played the game you can look at him/her and say, "You may get pissed off at me for the stupid things that I do but you never get this pissed off." Plus, the title works if you're asking someone out. Nothing creepier or odder than asking someone out by simply saying "I wanna be the guy."
Ogre Battle: The March of the Black Queen
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| What you don't realize is that this is actually an orgy in the making. <3 Free love. |
Do people fall in love in this game? It's been so long I can't really remember the story. It doesn't matter though, because I didn't pick this game because I thought that it was a fitting Valentine's Day game. I picked Ogre Battle because a) it's Ogre Battle and b) any day is a good day to play Ogre Battle. So there you have it.
Final Fantasy 7
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| Don't mind me, I'm just about to drown Aeris. Love you girl. |
Some call it the greatest RPG ever, some call it the most overrated RPG ever. Some just plain hate it. But it's hard to deny that it's a great game to play on Valentine's Day because there's a whole lot of love in it... and some of it may or may not involve a big black guy.
Cloud falls in love with Aeris. But depending on who you ask, Cloud loved Tifa all along. I don't know why we couldn't have just had all of them together. There is also that time where Cloud might have taken Barrett on a date in the Gold Saucer. I'm not judging... I'm just saying that it works on all levels.
Double Dragon
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| Their brotherhood is unbreakable... |
I'm a Double Dragon 2 guy, but what says love better than two brothers fighting for your affection? Yes, you fight your flesh and blood for a woman at the end of this. Beautiful, sweet love, tearing brothers apart.
Passage
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| Love is a, er, um, hallway? |
I want to be serious for a second. This pixel romance is extremely touching and true to life. All you do is walk to the right for a few minutes but an entire life passes and it's incredibly effective. It shows true love without saying a word.
To The Moon
Just to say on the "serious side" for a little bit, To The Moon doesn't start as a love story. But as they dig into his memories you see that the focus is entirely on a relationship. So with that said, you don't have to go to the moon to find love, you can find it in To The Moon. Oh god that was cheesy.
Manhunt
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| From loving you. |
What better way to celebrate Valentine's Day than by playing a game known for being disgusting and offensive? Ruthless violence -- sounds like my previous relationships. Manhunt has a certain gritty charm, and as bad as it may sound... killing someone by putting a bag over their head is insanely satisfying. Do you think I'm psycho yet?
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