Hey, what's up everybody? It's time for the second ever Gamecepticon News Round-Up, where I go through some of the more interesting video game news of the past week and make snarky comments about it in an effort to gain your acceptance. So if you're a Microsoft fan, then so am I! If you prefer Sony, I've been a Playstation fan since 1985! If you are a Nintendo fan... oh wait, they don't exist anymore. Sorry Ninty. If you like Ouya you're on your own there, buddy.
Cyberpunk 2077 Is Not Going To Be A Pesky Multiplayer Shooter
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/cyberpunk-2077-is-a-true-rpg-definitely-not-a-multiplayer-shooter/1100-6417357/
CD Projekt RED -- makers of Awesome, Awesome 2: Assassins of Kings and the upcoming Going-To-Be-Awesome 3: The Witch Hunt -- have stated that their game Cyberpunk 2077 is going to be a "true RPG" and not a multiplayer shooter. This pains me because we haven't had enough shooters for the past fifteen years.
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| 10/10, would bang. |
EverQuest Next Is Going To Be Coming To The PS4 Next (See What I Did There?) -- Also Planetside 2
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/27/everquest-next-announced-for-ps4-planetside-2-update
I have a confession: My laptop is kind of old but I can still run most games. The few games I haven't been able to run have been Crysis 3 (seemingly because it would make my computer explode) and, of all things, the free-to-play shooter Planetside 2. It sucked because while I only tried running Crysis 3 to let my computer know that it's old and that I think we should see other people, I wanted to play Planetside 2. I had to wait to play to play Warframe on the PS4 as well because apparently connecting to other players wasn't in Warframe's schedule, so I'm excited to also wait to play Planetside 2.
In other news, EverQuest Next (a candidate for worst sequel name ever) isn't just going to be on PC but that too will come to PS4, which means that even more families can be ruined. Huzzah!
Candy Crush Studio King Trying To Be EA
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/candy-crush-studio-denies-stealing-indie-dev-s-game/1100-6417359/
King have been in the news a lot lately, like last week when they went after The Banner Saga or when they were accused of having stolen their idea from another developer. This week, King denies this and to prove that they haven't stolen anything, they took the game down. Why do I mention EA? Because King, like Electronic Arts, are making this incredibly easy. Thanks guys and girls, now go put your head in the sand King.
Kickstarter-Funded Google Acquires AI Company
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/google-acquires-ai-company-founded-by-game-designer-for-500m/1100-6417360/
It was announced this week that upstart company Google acquired AI Company Ubisoft... wait, what? That's not Ubisoft's logo? Who is that? DeepMind? Who the fuck is DeepMind?
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| I mean, I'm not saying they ripped anything off, but you know... aliens. |
I blame King for this too.
Anyway, apparently they sold for about 500 million, which is about what my blog is worth.
Microsoft Buys Gears of War IP from Epic
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/microsoft-buys-gears-of-war-from-epic/1100-6417361/
Titanfall Beta Coming February 14
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/titanfall-beta-coming-february-14-report/1100-6417362/
Apparently we're getting a six day Titanfall beta starting February 14... if you pre-order the game from certain retailers. Not that you'll be able to play it anyway because it's EA. Because EA has problems with their games. They had problems with Sim City and Battlefield 4 might be working nowadays. Because EA is a terrible company.
Angry Birds Developers Don't Work With Government Spy Agencies
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/angry-birds-dev-we-don-t-work-with-government-spy-agencies/1100-6417399/
Even though American and British spy agencies have the ability to spy on us through apps like Angry Birds, Rovio Entertainment Ltd. insists that they don't share information or help the agencies in any way. I believe them. No, really I do. It isn't because I don't think a developer would assist the government, and I certainly know the government spies on us, but they don't need help to spy on us because we welcomed the Angry Bird Overlords long ago so they run shit around here, we just live here.
Nintendo Bringing Mini-Games to Smartphones
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/nintendo-looking-to-bring-mini-games-to-smartphones-report/1100-6417388/
Nope, just kidding. Nintendo shot that down faster than girls shoot me down.
It looks like 'ol Ninty is still sticking to their guns, so in that case, did you know that Nintendo has a new system called the Wii U out where you can play legendary games like Mario, Zelda and <strike>Metroid</strike>? #PayMeNintendo
Valve Possibly/Maybe/Kinda Making Left 4 Dead 3?
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/valve-document-sparks-fresh-left-4-dead-3-speculation/1100-6417387/
There was a leaked document on NeoGAF that has gotten fans of the series excited that Valve is actually working on Left 4 Dead 3. I believe it because Valve has so much success working on third installments.
The Elder Scrolls Online On PS4 Doesn't Require PS+
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/28/the-elder-scrolls-online-on-ps4-wont-require-ps-plus
If you're a PS4 owner and you're looking forward to the indie game The Elder Scrolls Online, then I got good news for you. You don't need PS+ even though you probably already have it or are thinking about it -- you only need to pay the subscription fee for the game plus obviously buying the game. This is sweet news, now I only have to pay for a game twice in order to play it for a month. I like subscription fees.
No news yet on the Xbox version, but I'm sure it'll be the same because Microsoft has never fucked up anything before.
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| It's like a game... find how many mistakes are in this picture. Winner gets the undying love of Microsoft. |
I'm... I'm Just Going To Leave This Here
Playstation Now So You Can Playstation Later
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/29/playstation-now-beta-invites-starting-to-arrive
That was a terrible headline, I'm sorry. So, Playstation gamers who signed up for a beta invite should start checking their inbox for said invite.
On a side note, as I type this I have to see Daffy Duck jerking off over and over so I'm a little unnerved. Scrolling down to get him off of my screen.
There You Are EA -- Tell Me Again How Battlefield 4 Doesn't Work You Dirty, Dirty Girls
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/29/ea-comments-on-battlefield-4-server-issues
In news that I have literally talked about in probably every On The Gamely when that was still around, and will probably talk about every News Round-Up, EA is talking about why Battlefield 4 is more broken than my heart.
In the Q&A in which they addressed the problems, they stated that blah blah blah blah blah. Just fix the game. Not that I own it... I almost did, but then I realized that EA.
They also have said this week that Titanfall won't have the same launch problems that Battlefield 4 had.
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| Anything at all to post Jennifer Lawrence. |
The Witcher 3 Is More Beautiful Than Your Wife
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/29/the-witcher-3-a-trio-of-new-screenshots-released
CD Projekt RED have released new screenshots of The Witcher 3 so celebrate the release of their new forum. Stop reading my bullshit and just go to the link above and look at how pretty it is.
Wii U Sales Suck, Nintendo CEO Slashes Salary For 5 Months
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/nintendo-ceo-slashes-salary-in-half-to-apologise-for-wii-u-losses/1100-6417409/
Nintendo CEO Satoru Iwata has announced that he will take a pay cut for the next five months in order to apologize for the Wii U debacle that I'm sure you've heard about all over the place. It was also announced that other members of the board will take a pay cut.
Nintendo critics will just say that they should make a good console so they won't have to take pay cuts, but I really appreciate the unity of Nintendo. They aren't perfect by any means, but this isn't the first time Iwata has slashed his pay for reasons like this. Keeping in the spirit of projections, I have done some math concerning Iwata's financial situation, using very complex algorithms while managing to work the quadratic formula into it somehow, and this is my prediction about where Iwata will be in three years:
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| That's right, a joke picture to make fun of my joke picture. I'm so post-modern. |
Just kidding, I used Paint!
Mario Kart 8 Gets A Release Date
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/30/mario-kart-8-to-be-released-in-may
And it's May! Now the Wii U game library looks like this:
Huzzah!
Pray To Whatever God You Believe In, Because Dark Souls 2 Is Going To Be Even More Difficult
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/dark-souls-2-will-let-other-players-ruin-your-game-even-when-hollow/1100-6417413/
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| Me being topical since CM Punk supposedly quit the WWE this week too. |
It came out this week that Dark Souls 2 will let other players come into your world even when hollowed. The developer tried to ease us into the news by saying match making will be better, so, there's that. I guess.
What Plan Does Nintendo Have Now? Health... Products...
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/30/nintendo-on-its-future
So I don't know if this is silly or awesome. I mean, Nintendo does not give a single solitary fuck. I think I misused the "you're off the fucking chain" picture above, because I believe Nintendo earned the right to have it here.
The fact that they're going to release a system that focuses on the quality of your life is an... interesting venture. I probably won't get involved because I'm fat and unhealthy but way to go Nintendo, always looking out for us!
Also, when asked if Iwata ever considered quitting he said, “My conviction and passion have not been shaken.”
Microsoft Wants You To Ditch Your PS3 And Get An Xbox One Cheaper
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/microsoft-get-an-xbox-one-for-399-if-you-ditch-your-ps3/1100-6417436/
What a... wait, what? Sell your PS3 at specific stores and get 100 dollars off an Xbox One? That's actually a pretty sweet deal.
There Is A New Version of the Ouya That Promises Better Controller And Storage
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/new-16gb-ouya-revision-out-now-promises-better-controller-and-storage/1100-6417447/
If you are living in America and haven't gotten a chance to play the wildly popular Ouya, I got some great news for you. A new and improved version has been released and it'll only cost you 129 buckaroos. This will have better Wi-Fi, a better controller, 16 gbs of storage as opposed to 8, and a piece of paper that tells you the meaning of life.
Great! Another paperweight to go along with the Wii U!
Arkham: Origins DLC Cancelled For Wii U
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/wb-pulls-the-plug-on-batman-arkham-origins-story-dlc-for-wii-u/1100-6417441/
So it turns out that they aren't releasing DLC for the Wii U version of Arkham: Origins. Anybody who got the season pass will get their money back while being able to enjoy what is already there.
I reached myself for comment on this matter, and this is what I said:
This sucks! I STILL BELIEVE IN YOU NINTENDO! WAR NINTENDO!
EVE Online Has A Massive War
http://www.forbes.com/sites/erikkain/2014/01/29/massive-eve-online-battle-could-cost-500000-in-real-money/
I have to agree with anybody who says that EVE Online is fascinating and innovative, but really intimidating to try to get into. I love the idea of it, but unfortunately I'm too stupid. I tried getting into Dust 514 to try to get involved with the universe but that game... well, sucked last time I played it.
But enough about me, let's talk about heart-warming things like large scale space battles. This story gets me because this is the kind of shit I live for. A war that has cost between 300,000 and 500,000 REAL DOLLARS broke out over the week over unpaid rent.
Unpaid rent.
Unpaid rent.
I think this should happen every time that there's unpaid rent. Think of how awesome the world would be. Death everywhere, lots of property destruction. Sigh, a man can dream.
Well that's it for the news this week. I'm off to play the newest Jack King-Spooner game that you can acquire here: http://jackspinoza.itch.io/sluggish-morss
I hope you weren't too bored, and at this point next week I will be knee deep in Bravely Default so I should probably pay someone to do this for me next week. Just kidding everyone, I have no money! Tune in next week for some more poorly done Paint images and lame jokes.
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