News Round-Up - January 26 - February 1: Nintendo Gets No Love And EVE Online Goes To WAR

Written By: Tyler Selig

Hey, what's up everybody? It's time for the second ever Gamecepticon News Round-Up, where I go through some of the more interesting video game news of the past week and make snarky comments about it in an effort to gain your acceptance. So if you're a Microsoft fan, then so am I! If you prefer Sony, I've been a Playstation fan since 1985! If you are a Nintendo fan... oh wait, they don't exist anymore. Sorry Ninty. If you like Ouya you're on your own there, buddy.


Cyberpunk 2077 Is Not Going To Be A Pesky Multiplayer Shooter
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/cyberpunk-2077-is-a-true-rpg-definitely-not-a-multiplayer-shooter/1100-6417357/

CD Projekt RED -- makers of Awesome, Awesome 2: Assassins of Kings and the upcoming Going-To-Be-Awesome 3: The Witch Hunt -- have stated that their game Cyberpunk 2077 is going to be a "true RPG" and not a multiplayer shooter. This pains me because we haven't had enough shooters for the past fifteen years.

10/10, would bang.

They've also stated that they have a few gameplay mechanics that they're excited for but of course that info will be revealed at a later date.


EverQuest Next Is Going To Be Coming To The PS4 Next (See What I Did There?) -- Also Planetside 2
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/27/everquest-next-announced-for-ps4-planetside-2-update

I have a confession: My laptop is kind of old but I can still run most games. The few games I haven't been able to run have been Crysis 3 (seemingly because it would make my computer explode) and, of all things, the free-to-play shooter Planetside 2. It sucked because while I only tried running Crysis 3 to let my computer know that it's old and that I think we should see other people, I wanted to play Planetside 2. I had to wait to play to play Warframe on the PS4 as well because apparently connecting to other players wasn't in Warframe's schedule, so I'm excited to also wait to play Planetside 2.

In other news, EverQuest Next (a candidate for worst sequel name ever) isn't just going to be on PC but that too will come to PS4, which means that even more families can be ruined. Huzzah!


Candy Crush Studio King Trying To Be EA
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/candy-crush-studio-denies-stealing-indie-dev-s-game/1100-6417359/

King have been in the news a lot lately, like last week when they went after The Banner Saga or when they were accused of having stolen their idea from another developer. This week, King denies this and to prove that they haven't stolen anything, they took the game down. Why do I mention EA? Because King, like Electronic Arts, are making this incredibly easy. Thanks guys and girls, now go put your head in the sand King.

Kickstarter-Funded Google Acquires AI Company
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/google-acquires-ai-company-founded-by-game-designer-for-500m/1100-6417360/

It was announced this week that upstart company Google acquired AI Company Ubisoft... wait, what? That's not Ubisoft's logo? Who is that? DeepMind? Who the fuck is DeepMind?

I mean, I'm not saying they ripped anything off, but you know... aliens.

I blame King for this too.

Anyway, apparently they sold for about 500 million, which is about what my blog is worth.


Microsoft Buys Gears of War IP from Epic
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/microsoft-buys-gears-of-war-from-epic/1100-6417361/

Titanfall Beta Coming February 14
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/titanfall-beta-coming-february-14-report/1100-6417362/

Apparently we're getting a six day Titanfall beta starting February 14... if you pre-order the game from certain retailers. Not that you'll be able to play it anyway because it's EA. Because EA has problems with their games. They had problems with Sim City and Battlefield 4 might be working nowadays. Because EA is a terrible company.

Angry Birds Developers Don't Work With Government Spy Agencies
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/angry-birds-dev-we-don-t-work-with-government-spy-agencies/1100-6417399/

Even though American and British spy agencies have the ability to spy on us through apps like Angry Birds, Rovio Entertainment Ltd. insists that they don't share information or help the agencies in any way. I believe them. No, really I do. It isn't because I don't think a developer would assist the government, and I certainly know the government spies on us, but they don't need help to spy on us because we welcomed the Angry Bird Overlords long ago so they run shit around here, we just live here.

Nintendo Bringing Mini-Games to Smartphones
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/nintendo-looking-to-bring-mini-games-to-smartphones-report/1100-6417388/

Nope, just kidding. Nintendo shot that down faster than girls shoot me down.

It looks like 'ol Ninty is still sticking to their guns, so in that case, did you know that Nintendo has a new system called the Wii U out where you can play legendary games like Mario, Zelda and <strike>Metroid</strike>? #PayMeNintendo


Valve Possibly/Maybe/Kinda Making Left 4 Dead 3?
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/valve-document-sparks-fresh-left-4-dead-3-speculation/1100-6417387/

There was a leaked document on NeoGAF that has gotten fans of the series excited that Valve is actually working on Left 4 Dead 3. I believe it because Valve has so much success working on third installments.

The Elder Scrolls Online On PS4 Doesn't Require PS+
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/28/the-elder-scrolls-online-on-ps4-wont-require-ps-plus

If you're a PS4 owner and you're looking forward to the indie game The Elder Scrolls Online, then I got good news for you. You don't need PS+ even though you probably already have it or are thinking about it -- you only need to pay the subscription fee for the game plus obviously buying the game. This is sweet news, now I only have to pay for a game twice in order to play it for a month. I like subscription fees.

No news yet on the Xbox version, but I'm sure it'll be the same because Microsoft has never fucked up anything before.

It's like a game... find how many mistakes are in this picture. Winner gets the undying love of Microsoft.

I'm... I'm Just Going To Leave This Here

Playstation Now So You Can Playstation Later
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/29/playstation-now-beta-invites-starting-to-arrive

That was a terrible headline, I'm sorry. So, Playstation gamers who signed up for a beta invite should start checking their inbox for said invite.

On a side note, as I type this I have to see Daffy Duck jerking off over and over so I'm a little unnerved. Scrolling down to get him off of my screen.


There You Are EA -- Tell Me Again How Battlefield 4 Doesn't Work You Dirty, Dirty Girls
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/29/ea-comments-on-battlefield-4-server-issues

In news that I have literally talked about in probably every On The Gamely when that was still around, and will probably talk about every News Round-Up, EA is talking about why Battlefield 4 is more broken than my heart.

In the Q&A in which they addressed the problems, they stated that blah blah blah blah blah. Just fix the game. Not that I own it... I almost did, but then I realized that EA.

They also have said this week that Titanfall won't have the same launch problems that Battlefield 4 had.

Anything at all to post Jennifer Lawrence.

Last year they also said that they were confident that they could avoid repeating the problematic launch that they had for Sim City.

The Witcher 3 Is More Beautiful Than Your Wife
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/29/the-witcher-3-a-trio-of-new-screenshots-released

CD Projekt RED have released new screenshots of The Witcher 3 so celebrate the release of their new forum. Stop reading my bullshit and just go to the link above and look at how pretty it is.


Wii U Sales Suck, Nintendo CEO Slashes Salary For 5 Months
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/nintendo-ceo-slashes-salary-in-half-to-apologise-for-wii-u-losses/1100-6417409/

Nintendo CEO Satoru Iwata has announced that he will take a pay cut for the next five months in order to apologize for the Wii U debacle that I'm sure you've heard about all over the place. It was also announced that other members of the board will take a pay cut.

Nintendo critics will just say that they should make a good console so they won't have to take pay cuts, but I really appreciate the unity of Nintendo. They aren't perfect by any means, but this isn't the first time Iwata has slashed his pay for reasons like this. Keeping in the spirit of projections, I have done some math concerning Iwata's financial situation, using very complex algorithms while managing to work the quadratic formula into it somehow, and this is my prediction about where Iwata will be in three years:

That's right, a joke picture to make fun of my joke picture. I'm so post-modern. 

Just kidding, I used Paint!

Mario Kart 8 Gets A Release Date
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/30/mario-kart-8-to-be-released-in-may

And it's May! Now the Wii U game library looks like this:

Huzzah!


Pray To Whatever God You Believe In, Because Dark Souls 2 Is Going To Be Even More Difficult
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/dark-souls-2-will-let-other-players-ruin-your-game-even-when-hollow/1100-6417413/

Me being topical since CM Punk supposedly quit the WWE this week too.

It came out this week that Dark Souls 2 will let other players come into your world even when hollowed. The developer tried to ease us into the news by saying match making will be better, so, there's that. I guess.


What Plan Does Nintendo Have Now? Health... Products...
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/30/nintendo-on-its-future

So I don't know if this is silly or awesome. I mean, Nintendo does not give a single solitary fuck. I think I misused the "you're off the fucking chain" picture above, because I believe Nintendo earned the right to have it here.

The fact that they're going to release a system that focuses on the quality of your life is an... interesting venture. I probably won't get involved because I'm fat and unhealthy but way to go Nintendo, always looking out for us!


Also, when asked if Iwata ever considered quitting he said, “My conviction and passion have not been shaken.”

Microsoft Wants You To Ditch Your PS3 And Get An Xbox One Cheaper
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/microsoft-get-an-xbox-one-for-399-if-you-ditch-your-ps3/1100-6417436/

What a... wait, what? Sell your PS3 at specific stores and get 100 dollars off an Xbox One? That's actually a pretty sweet deal.

There Is A New Version of the Ouya That Promises Better Controller And Storage
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/new-16gb-ouya-revision-out-now-promises-better-controller-and-storage/1100-6417447/

If you are living in America and haven't gotten a chance to play the wildly popular Ouya, I got some great news for you. A new and improved version has been released and it'll only cost you 129 buckaroos. This will have better Wi-Fi, a better controller, 16 gbs of storage as opposed to 8, and a piece of paper that tells you the meaning of life.

Great! Another paperweight to go along with the Wii U!

Arkham: Origins DLC Cancelled For Wii U
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/wb-pulls-the-plug-on-batman-arkham-origins-story-dlc-for-wii-u/1100-6417441/

So it turns out that they aren't releasing DLC for the Wii U version of Arkham: Origins. Anybody who got the season pass will get their money back while being able to enjoy what is already there.

I reached myself for comment on this matter, and this is what I said:
This sucks! I STILL BELIEVE IN YOU NINTENDO! WAR NINTENDO!


EVE Online Has A Massive War
http://www.forbes.com/sites/erikkain/2014/01/29/massive-eve-online-battle-could-cost-500000-in-real-money/

I have to agree with anybody who says that EVE Online is fascinating and innovative, but really intimidating to try to get into. I love the idea of it, but unfortunately I'm too stupid. I tried getting into Dust 514 to try to get involved with the universe but that game... well, sucked last time I played it.

But enough about me, let's talk about heart-warming things like large scale space battles. This story gets me because this is the kind of shit I live for. A war that has cost between 300,000 and 500,000 REAL DOLLARS broke out over the week over unpaid rent.

Unpaid rent.

Unpaid rent.

I think this should happen every time that there's unpaid rent. Think of how awesome the world would be. Death everywhere, lots of property destruction. Sigh, a man can dream.



Well that's it for the news this week. I'm off to play the newest Jack King-Spooner game that you can acquire here: http://jackspinoza.itch.io/sluggish-morss

I hope you weren't too bored, and at this point next week I will be knee deep in Bravely Default so I should probably pay someone to do this for me next week. Just kidding everyone, I have no money! Tune in next week for some more poorly done Paint images and lame jokes.

News Round-Up, January 19 - 25 -- OMG, TITANFALL

Written By: Tyler Selig

Every Saturday I will be doing a News Round-Up, where I talk about some of the game related news that made the rounds over the past week. Though I link to every article and I make comments about everything, some of it is tongue-in-cheek and I'm not entirely serious, but maybe just a little serious. They also won't be a comprehensive list of news, just some of the more memorable stuff to me, or just the stuff I either have an opinion on, care about or can make fun of.

These will probably end up being more gif/image heavy than any other article I write because the only way for a person to accurately express their emotions is through gifs.

Booth Babes Are Useless
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/test-finds-booth-babes-ineffective/1100-6417222/

In a shocking turn of events this week, there was an article about booth babes that said perhaps, just perhaps, sex doesn't sell like the industry wants you to believe. It also questions the morality of having scantily clad women helping sell your products to begin with. I for one am deeply offended and I will not stand for this:

Maybe now my blog will get a reader.

 And neither will this guy:

A world where babes aren't included in everything just isn't okay.

 
TITANFALL!!    

Titanfall, the incredible looking new competitive shooter from some of the developers of Call of Duty, is in alpha and some glorious people uploaded footage that they weren't supposed to. No it wasn't me. But I will spread it. Keep in mind that by the time I post this -- I add to this article every day that news hits that I want to include -- the footage may be taken down.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x19x97d_titanfall-direct-feed-alpha-gameplay-video_videogames?start=3

Gosh.

I have a few things to say about this:

• It looks like Titanfall really is going to be a Call of Duty killer like one of the people said. It actually won't because Call of Duty can't even be killed by Dark Souls, but I appreciate the thought.
• They are much better at this game then I will ever be.
• I'm not a fan of how light Call of Duty feels but it makes sense in Titanfall, since you jump and double-jump around, climb into Titans and eject from said Titans. With that said, part of me wishes the health was more like Halo, where you could take a few shots. Oh well.
• PUT THIS GAME RIGHT IN MY BUTT (did I say that in a blog?)

So I was sitting here all hyped for Titanfall and then I was reminded of who was publishing it.

Eater of Worlds.

Well I look forward to playing it a year after it's released. Titanfall -- Game of 2015!


Microsoft Just Wants You To Like It
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/microsoft-paying-youtubers-for-positive-xbox-one-coverage/1100-6417235/

In news that isn't really shocking at all, Microsoft apparently paid consumers to upload videos that promoted their product. I don't really have anything to say about this because you, the Internet, will take from this what you will. All I will say is XB1M13.


OG Nintendo Has No Plans For Mario On Smartphones And Isn't Going Away From Making Consoles
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/20/nintendo-has-no-plans-for-mario-on-smartphones

 There are very few things that are worthy of me breaking out a Training Day gif, but this is one of them because quite frankly I'm tired of the talk about Nintendo needing to leave the hardware biz or release games for phones.  Listen, the Wii U is under performing and it's clear that Nintendo has to do something but the Wii U is original and unlike the other systems. In fact, that's the story of Nintendo... come out, do something cool, and a lot of the time watch as your competitors take your ideas and admittedly sometimes make them better. Nintendo is innovation within console gaming in a lot of ways.

EA Also Caught With Their Hands in Their Pants

http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/21/ea-also-reportedly-paying-youtube-channels-for-coverage

So not only did Microsoft get called out for paying for positive coverage of their systems, but EA felt like they didn't have enough bad publicity so they jumped onto that ship too. I almost feel bad for EA at this point, with how much myself and others have shit all over them, it feels like we're bullying them but you know what?

Listen, whether you believe this is normal partnership business or it's some bullsheeeet isn't important... what's important is that we can laugh at both Microsoft and EA in one week. There must be a god somewhere.


PS4 Apparently Has Problems With Corrupting Save Files
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/21/ps4-error-corrupting-save-files

An error has appeared to some unlucky PS4 owners where their save files get corrupted and in some cases they're unable to open apps, but in that article there is also a proposed solution by Sony. One thing is for sure... this is awful news because I hate it when my non-existent save files for my non-existent games get corrupted.

Candy Crush Saga Developer Doesn't Want You To Use The Word Saga
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/22/candy-crush-saga-dev-king-trademarks-the-word-candy

There was a perfect example of Corporate pettiness this week, and it came from King, developers of the Facebook disaster game Candy Crush. They recently went after Stoic Studios for their usage of the word "saga" in The Banner Saga. They stated that "saga" has played an important part in their brand, and I agree because a stupid little Facebook game is definitely more deserving of the Old Nordic word than the game that's about Vikings.

Killzone: Shadow Fall To Add Clans -- Great, I Still Don't Have Friends
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/22/killzone-shadow-fall-expansion-dlc-and-clans-coming-soon

It was announced before that we're getting DLC, but Guerrilla Games announced that now we are going to have clans. I already made the "no friends" joke up above in the headline so, like, guys, I got nothin'. Hope you're all happy.

YOU READY TO KILL GIANT ANTS? BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT I WAS BORN FOR!
http://www.destructoid.com/earth-defense-force-2025-lands-february-18-269328.phtml

I thought that a release date for the US was announced before but maybe I just knew it was coming in February. Regardless, this article on Destructoid says that there is also a bunch of DLC coming as well. Earth Defense Force in less than a month, with more missions to completely slaughter giant ants, spiders and robots?

Okay EA, I'm Getting A Little Tired Of Mentioning You
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/ea-nintendo-is-not-dead-to-us/1100-6417302/

Here's some positive news, sort-of, coming out of the EA camp. A while back an employee said the Wii U was crap, and now EA is saying that Nintendo is not dead to them. They proved this by having absolutely no Wii U games in development. Thanks guys, not that it'd matter anyway because they won't work. Sorry I'm milking this joke.


Kingdom Come: Deliverance Reaches Kickstarter Goal
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/24/kingdom-come-deliverance-hits-kickstarter-goal

At first I thought the game looked solid, and some may not like this but I thought it looked like a less-magical Skyrim. That's not really a criticism even though I've famously -- meaning to the three people that talk to me on a regular basis -- stated that the love is there for Elder Scrolls, but not the over-the-top fandom that it receives from other people.

So as I watched the trailer on that link above, I was excited but then things like LARGE SCALE BATTLES, CASTLE SIEGES, AUTHENTIC INNOVATIVE FIRST-PERSON COMBAT, MILLIONS OF MEDIEVAL WHORES TO LAY WASTE TO (oh wait this isn't HBO) started bludgeoning me in the face and I went like this:

Kingdom Come isn't expected until 2016, mind you, so brb, getting in my time machine.


MORE TITANFALL!!!
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/24/titanfall-no-microtransactions-season-pass-unconfirmed

It was also revealed this week that not only is Titanfall looking legitimately awesome, but there are no microtransactions which means I'm still going to suck but I won't be paying to... still suck.


That appears to be it for this week. So until next time, go talk about the Wii U and how it's failing because that's what everybody else is doing anyway.