Weekly News Round-Up, March 23 - 29: Facebook Buys Oculus Rift! Oh The Horror!

Written By: Tyler

We have seen a lot happen this week. EA happened some more, Minecraft did stuff, and games were played. I know you're busy because you have a life, so I have taken it upon myself to update you with all the most -- or at least some of it -- interesting video game news of the past week.

This week I've decided to make it a Dean Ambrose/Jon Moxley theme, because that guy is weird and I love him. His facial expressions and reactions are great for everything.

Let's Start This Week Off Right -- EA CEO Talks Getting Things "A Little Bit" Wrong
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/ea-ceo-when-we-get-it-a-little-bit-wrong-we-do-our-best-to-fix-it/1100-6418484/

I'll start this bad boy off with a direct quote that's in that link above:

“For whatever reason, whether it was because they were pushing the boundaries of innovation and they pushed a little hard and things didn't go so well," Wilson told Fortune, referring the SimCity offline debacle, endless Battlefield 4 issues, and problems with NBA Live 14. "We won't always get everything right, but my hope is that we're seen as a company that tries to do amazing things. When we get it a little bit wrong, we do our best to fix it."

The internet does not like you, EA.
EA Voted Worst Company In America AGAIN


Speaking Of EA Being A Crappy Company -- They Won't Win "Worst Company In America" A Third Time
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/ea-won-t-be-named-worst-company-in-america-this-year/1100-6418513/

Time Warner Cable narrowly edged out EA so EA won't be able to complete the hat trick.

Denied!

 I haven't trusted Time Warner since they sold World Championship Wrestling anyway.


EA Delays Battlefield 4 DLC Until Whenever Because Of A "Hiccup"
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/battlefield-4-naval-strike-dlc-hiccup-causes-pc-delay/1100-6418518/

Battlefield 4: Naval Strike won't not be released for a bit as they hammer out a problem with the PC version. It still has shown up on consoles, but you're trying to tell me that the PC version of Battlefield 4 has problems?

At this point I'm so glad that the computer I was using before my new one couldn't run Battlefield 4.


EA Planning To Make The Star Wars Games Like The Batman: Arkham Games
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/03/25/ea-plans-to-model-star-wars-games-on-batman-arkham-series

EA is taking influence from the Batman: Arkham series in the sense that the Star Wars games aren't going to be tied to any existing Star Wars movies. Taking ideas from other companies concerning their own games? I thought they were too busy innovating.


Origin Isn't Going To Sell Physical Copy Of Games Starting April 4
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/ea-s-origin-service-will-stop-selling-disc-based-games-next-week/1100-6418630/

That's right! Nobody likes Origin but here's a story for you all. It will be a digital-only service come April 4th.


But Wait, You Can Get Dead Space For Free On Origin Now
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/dead-space-free-on-origin-as-the-first-title-in-ea-s-on-the-house-promotion/1100-6418601/

You can now get Dead Space for free on Origin as part of their "On The House" program. Why is EA doing this? Because they feel bad for screwing with gamers all these years Because they are gamers too, stating, "We appreciate you making Origin your gaming home...and besides, who doesn't like free stuff?"

No I'm not making fun of homeless people.

Saint's Row Developer Was Making A Post-Apocalyptic Western Open-World Game
http://www.destructoid.com/volition-was-making-a-post-apocalyptic-western-272402.phtml

And now they aren't because it would have taken too long. Dammit! I feel screwed.


Escape Goat 2 Has Arrived... But Check Out This Awesome Trailer
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/double-fine-introduces-escape-goat-2-with-second-funniest-trailer-of-the-year-so-far/1100-6418515/

In the link above there is a trailer to the new game Escape Goat 2, which you can now buy. Admittedly, the trailer doesn't show a lot of gameplay (but there are other trailers available) and is entertaining because it's just funny.

Escape Goat 2 comes out this year, and then there is Goat Simulator. Could it be that including goats in games is the new trend and making open-world games is out? Only time will tell.

Pick up Escape Goat 2 NOW! I made it! No I didn't...


Marc Whitten May Be Leaving Microsoft, But He Praises The Xbox One Future
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/03/25/marc-whitten-promises-xbox-one-is-just-beginning

Even though he's peacing out of Microsoft, he has said that Microsoft is on their way to reaching what they want the Xbox One to be.

Yeah.

The New Mario Kart Still Has The Same Release Date, Even Though There Was Some Confusion
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/03/25/nintendo-refutes-mario-kart-8as-early-release-date

Nintendo cleared that stuff up like it was acne. The game is still coming out May 30, not a couple weeks before.


Here's When You Can Start Ignoring Your Family
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/elder-scrolls-online-announces-exact-launch-times/1100-6418485/

You want to know when Elder Scrolls Online officially launches? So does everyone else. Here are the times for the launch:

• North America (East): 7:00 PM EDT, Thursday, April 3
• UK/IE: 12:00 AM WEST, Thursday, April 4
• Central Europe: 1:00 AM CEST, Thursday, April 4
• Sydney, Australia: 10:00 AM AEDT, Thursday, April 4
• Singapore: 7:00 AM SGT, Thursday, April 4

Also in that link are the times for the three day early access and five day early access. Somewhere also in that link is a link that takes you to a page made by the uncle of your best friend's mother that tells you the secret of the Universe.


Minecraft On The PS3 And 360 Get A Big Update 
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/minecraft-ps3-xbox-360-versions-getting-major-update/1100-6418483/

Not sick of playing Minecraft on last-gen consoles? Well, they got your back. A big update is rolling out that offers new terrain generation options, new potions, blocks, and even a carrot on a stick special item that allows you to ride pigs.

Yes, this is happening. By the way, that's a carrot on a stick in case you can't tell.

TITANFALL Gets A Balancing Update
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/titanfall-update-fixes-bugs-adjusts-balancing-makes-the-smart-pistol-less-lethal/1100-6418482/

In the link above (god I love just being able to link things... it makes my work so much easier) there is a huge list of the balancing updates that have hit indie game TITANFALL. Most noticeably, the Smart Pistol has been nerfed which makes me go:

Luftrausers Took 2 And A Half Years To Develop, Already Makes A Profit
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/indie-game-luftrausers-took-2-5-years-to-make-becomes-profitable-in-72-hours/1100-6418508/

Luftrausers only took 72 hours to make a profit, which is great news for the indie developers. Take that Minecraft, you gigantic money making bastard!


Nintendo And Sony Not Going To PAX East
http://www.destructoid.com/microsoft-will-be-at-pax-east-sony-and-nintendo-won-t-272409.phtml

Don't worry, Microsoft will be at PAX East, but Nintendo and Sony won't. In the link above there is a list of the people/companies/groups that will be attending. Some other companies that won't be showing up are "Nintendo, Sony, EA Games, Capcom, Sega, Warner Bros Interactive, Twisted Pixel and Deep Silver." (I'm a real journalist and I stole that from Destructoid so I quote it... how professional)

Those are some big names not showing up. I'm too much of a wrestling fan to not be skeptical though, and I think this is a work. I think they're just plotting something behind the scenes and what we're seeing is the 2014 game version of the:

Or if you wanna be more topical and not stuck in the 90s... the companies are working a CM Punk angle.

Don't worry, they'll be there. They're going to invade PAX East brothers.


Sony Gets Rid Of "Numerous" Employees In Guerilla Cambridge, SCE London And Evolution
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/03/25/sony-layoffs-hit-evolution-guerilla-and-sce-london

I never make fun of layoffs in the Weekly News Round-Up because this is always sad to hear.


Microsoft Is Implementing The Major League Gaming App For The Xbox 360
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/mlg-app-comes-to-xbox-360-lets-you-watch-live-broadcasts/1100-6418498/

If you have Xbox Live Gold, then you'll also be able to watch Major League Gaming on your 360. Major League Gaming isn't to be confused with Major League Baseball -- if you're like me and you originally just skimmed through the article and thought it said MLB -- because I wouldn't want anybody to confuse a fake sport with a real sport.

Just kidding eSports, you know I love you.


Don't Expect Toki Tori 3
http://www.destructoid.com/don-t-expect-toki-tori-3-anytime-soon-272419.phtml

Apparently there isn't an audience for it, so fans of the series shouldn't expect a third entry any time soon. Don't worry I won't!

Toki Tori is actually a series I've meant to play but haven't yet. So it's my fault guys, sorry.


Remember The Ouya?
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/all-of-ouya-s-games-have-free-trials-but-that-s-going-to-change/1100-6418500/

Yeah, me neither.

The Ouya is going to have slightly different policies. From what I can understand, originally developers had to create a demo for the console which cut into actually making the game. But now, instead of forcing developers to do that, they can now choose to have a free-to-try or paid model. So now, Ouya is getting rid of demos and implementing a system where Ouya will have demos.


Ubisoft Vice President Of Creative Lionel Raynaud Makes A Statement... Gets Bluff Called
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/virtual-reality-devices-need-to-sell-1-million-units-before-ubisoft-gets-interested-update/1100-6418392/

Lionel Raynaud is excited about Virtual Reality systems like Project Morpheus, Oculus Rift or actually going outside and experiencing life... but said that they would need major numbers sold in order for Ubisoft to use the new technology. He said VR would need to sell a million units.

Then, someone else from Ubisoft came out and was basically like, "nah, 1 million isn't actually what it would take dudez." That's a direct quote, obviously.


Blizzard Says Diablo 3 Is In Development For Xbox One
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/diablo-3-in-development-for-xbox-one-but-blizzard-not-sure-if-it-will-ever-launch/1100-6418494/

...but says they don't know if it'll be released, due to contracts and whatnot.

So they're developing a game that they know may not be released?

In unrelated news, I traveled to the future and in a year Blizzard lays off employees.


Rich And Don't Know What To Do With Yourself?
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/white-xbox-ones-appear-on-ebay-can-be-yours-for-1500-and-up/1100-6418493/

The way I see it is that if you're rich you have two options.  You can either send me money or you can buy this white Xbox One for $1500 and up.

Super Mario Bros. 3 Hits The Wii U And 3DS Virtual Console April 17th
http://www.destructoid.com/super-mario-bros-3-is-finally-hitting-the-virtual-console-on-april-17th-272465.phtml

In a shocking turn of events, Nintendo is finally putting a Mario game on one of their systems!

If you want to play arguably the greatest Mario of all time, make sure to pick it up. There are other games coming soon too like Metroid Fusion, Golden Sun and more.


Ubisoft Going Hard On PAX East
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/03/26/ubisoft-to-demo-watch-dogs-trials-fusion-and-more-at-pax-east

Ubisoft is going to demo Trials Fusion, Child of Light, Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Phantoms, and The Mighty Quest For Epic Loot... along with Watch Dogs. Sounds great, but who's going to watch, uh, play, play the... Watch the Watch Dogs? I give up. This was messed from the beginning. I'm sorry.


Lorne Lanning Has Anger Issues
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/03/26/oddworld-creator-lashes-ea-talks-abeas-oddysee-remake 

Lorne Lanning in his Black Metal band.

The Oddworld creator had a little bit to say about EA and Oddworld:

On Oddworld: New 'n' Tasty

“We still see press calling it an HD remake, and it’s not a f--king HD remake."

On EA
“F--k that business. I don’t want to play with that business, because it was a losing business. I just don’t want to go back and play the old [publisher] game. I’d rather not make games than go f--king be a slave for public companies who care more about their shareholders than they do about their customers."

“Why did Battlefield 4 ship? You know that team was crying. You know that team knew that game wasn’t ready to go. You know that team f--king spent a lot of sleepless nights building that s--t out to look as good and play as good, when it was able to be experienced, being played as they were intending it to be played. Someone made a decision that the shareholders are more important than the customer. And we see a lot of that. How do you blow that? How do you take that f--king jewel and ship it with dirt all over it?”

I like this guy. He should write the Weekly News Round-Up.


Guild Wars 2 Is Going To Be Prettier In The April Patch
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/03/26/guild-wars-2-features-getting-revamped-and-enhanced-in-april

Guild Wars 2 is going to have a patch, but it's mostly just to enhance the game, rather than add new story.


Peter Molyneux Is Still Jaw Jackin'... Verbally
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/molyneux-the-indie-golden-age-won-t-last/1100-6418524/
 
Peter Molyneux recently said to enjoy this whole indie game thing while it lasts because it goes in cycles. He cited the music business, saying punk is popular for five years, then we get everything being manufactured.

Peter, we've had the same mainstream crap in North America for like 15 years. Or more.



Stop The Presses - Facebook Buys The Oculus Rift
http://kotaku.com/facebook-buys-oculus-rift-for-2-billion-1551487939 

This will probably be the biggest news of the week. Facebook bought the Oculus Rift for 2 billion dollars.

Mark Suckerberg (Oh I'm so edgy) says:

"Now Facebook runs the entire world. We bought the Oculus Rift, we're about to buy North America, and the surely we will conquer everything. We're so popular that God constantly updates his status."

Or he actually said:
"Mobile is the platform of today, and now we're also getting ready for the platforms of tomorrow," Oculus has the chance to create the most social platform ever, and change the way we work, play and communicate."

I'm sure the gaming aspect of the Oculus Rift will not be tampered with, and I'm looking forward to being able to hang out with the people I don't want to talk to in real life in a virtual world.


Oculus Rift Will Eventually Be Redesigned With Facebook Logo And Inferface
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/oculus-rift-will-eventually-be-redesigned-with-facebook-branding-report/1100-6418548/

Geez. Facebook has to slap their logo on everything. Luckily this blog will never see that.

In related news, the Kickstarter backers of the Oculus Rift are pissed. I can't possibly understand why.

Update: Facebook says (because it's a physical person now) it won't redesign shit.


Palmer Luckey Shoots Off About The Oculus Rift And Facebook
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/oculus-rift-creator-we-promise-we-won-t-change-following-facebook-buyout/1100-6418562/

Palmer Luckey did what anybody would do when having to answer questions -- he went to Reddit. In the link above he talks about a bunch of different things concerning the acquisition of the Oculus Rift by the tyrant Facebook. But I'm not posting it here because that will take up a lot of space. What? You actually expected me to? What is this, Communism?

In short though: Things will get better, indie development will increase, it will be more open, they'll have more money for new hardware and better people, and you won't have to log-in to Facebook and see all the annoying posts everyone makes (including myself) in order to use the Rift.


The Deal Only Took 72 Hours! 
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/some-deals-take-months-but-facebook-completed-its-purchase-of-oculus-vr-in-72-hours/1100-6418566/

Facebook moves fast, and sure enough they moved fast again. It only took 72 hours to make the Oculus deal. That's pretty impressive.

In related news, Mark Zuckerberg is actually Sonic.

Michael Abrash Leaves Valve, Joins Oculus
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/oculus-vr-hires-another-valve-virtual-reality-veteran/1100-6418627/

Michael left Valve, and had this to say: "Facebook's acquisition of Oculus means that VR is going to happen in all its glory. The resources and long-term commitment that Facebook brings gives Oculus the runway it needs to solve the hard problems of VR--and some of them are hard indeed. I now fully expect to spend the rest of my career pushing VR as far ahead as I can."

My, what a brash man. Get it? GET IT? Please accept me.

Dat Facebook money.

Oh Yeah, This Is Happening -- Goat Simulator Dead Island Trailer


Do you remember the Dead Island trailer that was so emotional it made the entire universe cry? It was one of the best video game trailers of all time and it made Dead Island look like it was going to hit you right in the heart.

Well the creators of Goat Simulator paid homage/parodied it with this. You should have watched it before you read what I had to say about it, but if you haven't, clicky-clicky that video above because it is so worth it.


Bioshock: Infinite's Final DLC Hit This Week
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/say-goodbye-to-bioshock-infinite-as-its-final-dlc-is-out-today/1100-6418526/

Burial At Sea - Episode 2 hit the week, so if you're a fan of Bioshock: Infinite, make sure to pick up the DLC. And if you understand the ending of the original game, contact me and explain it to me. Thanks!


Microsoft Believes Now Is The Time For Something That Should Have Been There From The Original Plans
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/microsoft-on-loaning-and-gifting-digital-xbox-one-games-we-totally-believe-in-that-future/1100-6418534/

If you're a gamer you probably remember Microsoft at E3. I shouldn't even have to tell you which one. They came out, said a bunch of things that annoyed everyone and now have reversed their policies. Well, now, they're fine with a loaning and gifting digital game service.


Did You Cheat In TITANFALL? Welcome To Alcatraz
http://www.destructoid.com/titanfall-cheaters-can-only-play-with-other-cheaters-now-272499.phtml

If you cheated in TITANFALL and got banned, you can still plan... but only with other cheaters.

TITANFALL New Modes Will Be Free... DLC Will Be 10 Bucks
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/new-titanfall-modes-won-t-be-locked-behind-a-paygate/1100-6418551/

You won't have to pay for the new modes in TITANFALL, but there is DLC in the works that you will have to pay for.


Sony Can't Keep Employees

The Driveclub director has left to be indie.
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/sony-s-ps4-racing-game-driveclub-loses-its-director/1100-6418552/

Don't you know it works in cycles! Molyneux said so! Get out of there Col Rodgers!

But Driveclub is still making good progress and a release date is coming soon.
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/ps4-racing-game-driveclub-making-spectacular-progress-release-date-coming-soon/1100-6418567/

Seth Killian has also left the God Of War developer to do his own thing.
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/yet-another-playstation-designer-leaves-sony/1100-6418554/

 I'm sure whatever he chooses to do, he's going to kill it. Get it?

Torchlight Co-Founders Peace Out And Start A New Studio
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/torchlight-co-founders-leave-runic-games-to-start-new-studio/1100-6418577/

Travis Baldree and Erich Schaefer left Runic Games and are now starting up their own studio named Double Damage Games. I for one trust any company named Double Damage.


You Want The Last Of Us On PS4? Nah. Well, Maybe
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/report-the-last-of-us-coming-to-ps4-as-physical-and-digital-release/1100-6418573/

A Sony representative from Turkey (yum) has said that the Ellen Page game The Last of Us may be coming to PS4. But nobody knows if it's true or not at this point, and since The Last of Us is going to be a Playstation Now (not now, but later) game... it seems a little wonky. 


Here We Go Again -- Video Games Make Kids Violent
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/study-violent-video-games-could-be-linked-to-aggressive-behavior/1100-6418556/

I had hoped that we were past this point, but I guess in my heart I knew that a new study would pop up eventually, just like a new villain will inevitably pop up in Gotham.

There's been a recent study that basically stated that kids who play a lot of video games are more violent than kids that don't. Of course, like any study, there was controversy and someone else basically said that it's a stupid study.

Well said.

But Hey, Gamers Aren't Loners Either
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/gamers-are-not-anti-social-basement-dwellers-study-finds/1100-6418624/

A new study has said that gamers aren't the anti-social dickholes that pop culture makes them out to be. In fact, according to this study, loners in the gaming community are the exception to the rule and not the norm. Gamers are actually incredibly social. Unless you're me... in which case you just sit at home by yourself, playing your MMORPGs with just your older brother because you don't want to deal with other people. But I'm not anti-social.


Notch Comes Through The Door Blastin' On Cliffy B
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/minecraft-creator-responds-to-cliff-bleszinski-calling-him-a-pouty-kid/1100-6418609/

Cliffy B called Notch (the maker of Minecraft in case you've been living under a rock or you know, don't give a crap about Minecraft) a "pouty kid" when Notch announced that he was cancelling development for the Oculus Rift once it was acquired by Facebook.

Notch replied by saying, "I'm a man driven by principles, not capitalism, so I guess I'll just have to get used to the occasional name calling." Of course, this was all said on Twitter because real life what?

Am I the only one who finds a beef between two game developers funny? We're not exactly known for being tough guys... but hey, I don't have a study to back that up.

PS4 Getting Over 100 Games In 2014, There's A List Of Them In That Link Below
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/ps4-getting-over-100-games-in-2014-here-s-the-full-list/1100-6418569/

Do you want games? We all do! PS4 is supposedly going to have over 100 by the time 2014 ends. And I'm going to play every single one of them.

 

Microsoft Won't Allow PC And Xbox One Crass Platform Play... Well, Maybe A Little
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/microsoft-won-t-allow-xbox-one-pc-cross-platform-play-says-war-thunder-dev/1100-6418587/ 

Microsoft said it won't completely allow cross platform play, however, they will work closely with developers when they have to or need it. But they actually will allow it sometimes, so god damn it, this isn't news at all.


But Microsoft Thinks That There Will Be "An Army Of Huge Franchises" Coming To E3

Phil Spencer says, "If you look at attach rate on the consoles right now, people investing in the great new AAA IP, it's great. I think at this year's E3 between us and EA and Activision, Sony, and Nintendo, you're going to see another army of huge franchises coming."

Well I hope so since E3 is the biggest gaming event of the year.
 

Microsoft Is Releasing Halo: Spartan Assault On Steam April 4th...
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/microsoft-has-no-plans-to-release-more-halo-games-on-steam/1100-6418613/

...But doesn't have plans for any real Halo games to show up on Steam. So I guess, pick it up or whatever.


Phil Spencer Also Talks About Japan
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/console-gaming-not-dead-in-japan-microsoft-says/1100-6418629/

Oh hey, it's just Phil Spencer talking again. Soon I'm going to have to give him and Peter Molyneux their own "EA Corner" type thing. This time he said, "It's critical for us in the industry that we continue to invest [in Japan] and see great games come out," as he doesn't think that the gaming population has gone down in Japan.




Justin Richmond Says Bye To Naughty Dog, Joins Riot
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/uncharted-4-director-leaves-naughty-dog-for-riot/1100-6418600/

Justin Richmond, the Uncharted 4 director, has left Naughty Dog in order to join the company that we can blame for League of Legends. There are no hard feelings, and Uncharted 4 will not be impacted at all, except for the fact it now takes place in space and involves Nathan Drake mating with aliens. No major changes though.

And seriously, Riot? There's no money in League of Legends.

...


3D Realms Is Still Fighting Gearbox
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/the-gearbox-3d-realms-legal-battle-over-duke-nukem-is-heating-up/1100-6418586/

3D Realms says that they have the rights to make a new Duke Nukem game, and they also own the trademark still.

Well, that's settled.

Warface Beta Is Open Now For Xbox Live Gold Subscribers On the Xbox 360
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/crysis-developer-s-warface-hits-open-beta-on-xbox-360/1100-6418585/

If you want to torture yourself with a mediocre game, feel free to get in on the Warface beta if you're an owner of the Xbox 360. But I recommend not.


Devil's Third Has A New Logo
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/ninja-gaiden-dev-s-action-game-devil-s-third-gets-a-new-logo-2014-reveal-teased/1100-6418583/

Tomonobu Itagaki's new action game has a new logo, and it's new, so check it out while it's new.

Third what?

Is The Newest Deus Ex Game Called Mankind Divided?
http://www.destructoid.com/square-enix-trademarks-deus-ex-mankind-divided-272600.phtml

According to this article it is. Apparently Square Enix trademarked "Deus Ex: Mankind Divided" in the UK so that could possibly be the title of the next Deus Ex.

They could call it Deus Ex: On The Gamely Sucks Hard and I wouldn't even care... I just want another Deus Ex. In fact, do that. Right now.


Wanna Be A Chef In A Post-Apocalyptic World? DayZ's Got You Covered
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/03/28/day-z-survival-update-adds-cooking-weapons

When "the moment [they] are confident [they] have a suitable build to release" a new update for DayZ will appear. This will include an improved AKM weapons model, new locations and... cooking! That's right, you can get your Master Chef on in this game whenever the update comes out, because really that's why we go to a game like DayZ to begin with.

"Boy, I hope they're making roast beef in there."

"Hey, got any roast beef in there?"

"Sir I don't see any roast beef anywhere."

I hope you enjoyed this edition of the Weekly News Round-Up. Hate me and my news? Tell me on Twitter @ArtBathednCrime.

Make sure to tune in again next Saturday, and every day because you never know when I'm going to post an article, and I'll leave you with one final Dean Ambrose gif:

News Round-Up - January 26 - February 1: Nintendo Gets No Love And EVE Online Goes To WAR

Written By: Tyler Selig

Hey, what's up everybody? It's time for the second ever Gamecepticon News Round-Up, where I go through some of the more interesting video game news of the past week and make snarky comments about it in an effort to gain your acceptance. So if you're a Microsoft fan, then so am I! If you prefer Sony, I've been a Playstation fan since 1985! If you are a Nintendo fan... oh wait, they don't exist anymore. Sorry Ninty. If you like Ouya you're on your own there, buddy.


Cyberpunk 2077 Is Not Going To Be A Pesky Multiplayer Shooter
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/cyberpunk-2077-is-a-true-rpg-definitely-not-a-multiplayer-shooter/1100-6417357/

CD Projekt RED -- makers of Awesome, Awesome 2: Assassins of Kings and the upcoming Going-To-Be-Awesome 3: The Witch Hunt -- have stated that their game Cyberpunk 2077 is going to be a "true RPG" and not a multiplayer shooter. This pains me because we haven't had enough shooters for the past fifteen years.

10/10, would bang.

They've also stated that they have a few gameplay mechanics that they're excited for but of course that info will be revealed at a later date.


EverQuest Next Is Going To Be Coming To The PS4 Next (See What I Did There?) -- Also Planetside 2
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/27/everquest-next-announced-for-ps4-planetside-2-update

I have a confession: My laptop is kind of old but I can still run most games. The few games I haven't been able to run have been Crysis 3 (seemingly because it would make my computer explode) and, of all things, the free-to-play shooter Planetside 2. It sucked because while I only tried running Crysis 3 to let my computer know that it's old and that I think we should see other people, I wanted to play Planetside 2. I had to wait to play to play Warframe on the PS4 as well because apparently connecting to other players wasn't in Warframe's schedule, so I'm excited to also wait to play Planetside 2.

In other news, EverQuest Next (a candidate for worst sequel name ever) isn't just going to be on PC but that too will come to PS4, which means that even more families can be ruined. Huzzah!


Candy Crush Studio King Trying To Be EA
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/candy-crush-studio-denies-stealing-indie-dev-s-game/1100-6417359/

King have been in the news a lot lately, like last week when they went after The Banner Saga or when they were accused of having stolen their idea from another developer. This week, King denies this and to prove that they haven't stolen anything, they took the game down. Why do I mention EA? Because King, like Electronic Arts, are making this incredibly easy. Thanks guys and girls, now go put your head in the sand King.

Kickstarter-Funded Google Acquires AI Company
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/google-acquires-ai-company-founded-by-game-designer-for-500m/1100-6417360/

It was announced this week that upstart company Google acquired AI Company Ubisoft... wait, what? That's not Ubisoft's logo? Who is that? DeepMind? Who the fuck is DeepMind?

I mean, I'm not saying they ripped anything off, but you know... aliens.

I blame King for this too.

Anyway, apparently they sold for about 500 million, which is about what my blog is worth.


Microsoft Buys Gears of War IP from Epic
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/microsoft-buys-gears-of-war-from-epic/1100-6417361/

Titanfall Beta Coming February 14
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/titanfall-beta-coming-february-14-report/1100-6417362/

Apparently we're getting a six day Titanfall beta starting February 14... if you pre-order the game from certain retailers. Not that you'll be able to play it anyway because it's EA. Because EA has problems with their games. They had problems with Sim City and Battlefield 4 might be working nowadays. Because EA is a terrible company.

Angry Birds Developers Don't Work With Government Spy Agencies
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/angry-birds-dev-we-don-t-work-with-government-spy-agencies/1100-6417399/

Even though American and British spy agencies have the ability to spy on us through apps like Angry Birds, Rovio Entertainment Ltd. insists that they don't share information or help the agencies in any way. I believe them. No, really I do. It isn't because I don't think a developer would assist the government, and I certainly know the government spies on us, but they don't need help to spy on us because we welcomed the Angry Bird Overlords long ago so they run shit around here, we just live here.

Nintendo Bringing Mini-Games to Smartphones
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/nintendo-looking-to-bring-mini-games-to-smartphones-report/1100-6417388/

Nope, just kidding. Nintendo shot that down faster than girls shoot me down.

It looks like 'ol Ninty is still sticking to their guns, so in that case, did you know that Nintendo has a new system called the Wii U out where you can play legendary games like Mario, Zelda and <strike>Metroid</strike>? #PayMeNintendo


Valve Possibly/Maybe/Kinda Making Left 4 Dead 3?
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/valve-document-sparks-fresh-left-4-dead-3-speculation/1100-6417387/

There was a leaked document on NeoGAF that has gotten fans of the series excited that Valve is actually working on Left 4 Dead 3. I believe it because Valve has so much success working on third installments.

The Elder Scrolls Online On PS4 Doesn't Require PS+
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/28/the-elder-scrolls-online-on-ps4-wont-require-ps-plus

If you're a PS4 owner and you're looking forward to the indie game The Elder Scrolls Online, then I got good news for you. You don't need PS+ even though you probably already have it or are thinking about it -- you only need to pay the subscription fee for the game plus obviously buying the game. This is sweet news, now I only have to pay for a game twice in order to play it for a month. I like subscription fees.

No news yet on the Xbox version, but I'm sure it'll be the same because Microsoft has never fucked up anything before.

It's like a game... find how many mistakes are in this picture. Winner gets the undying love of Microsoft.

I'm... I'm Just Going To Leave This Here

Playstation Now So You Can Playstation Later
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/29/playstation-now-beta-invites-starting-to-arrive

That was a terrible headline, I'm sorry. So, Playstation gamers who signed up for a beta invite should start checking their inbox for said invite.

On a side note, as I type this I have to see Daffy Duck jerking off over and over so I'm a little unnerved. Scrolling down to get him off of my screen.


There You Are EA -- Tell Me Again How Battlefield 4 Doesn't Work You Dirty, Dirty Girls
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/29/ea-comments-on-battlefield-4-server-issues

In news that I have literally talked about in probably every On The Gamely when that was still around, and will probably talk about every News Round-Up, EA is talking about why Battlefield 4 is more broken than my heart.

In the Q&A in which they addressed the problems, they stated that blah blah blah blah blah. Just fix the game. Not that I own it... I almost did, but then I realized that EA.

They also have said this week that Titanfall won't have the same launch problems that Battlefield 4 had.

Anything at all to post Jennifer Lawrence.

Last year they also said that they were confident that they could avoid repeating the problematic launch that they had for Sim City.

The Witcher 3 Is More Beautiful Than Your Wife
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/29/the-witcher-3-a-trio-of-new-screenshots-released

CD Projekt RED have released new screenshots of The Witcher 3 so celebrate the release of their new forum. Stop reading my bullshit and just go to the link above and look at how pretty it is.


Wii U Sales Suck, Nintendo CEO Slashes Salary For 5 Months
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/nintendo-ceo-slashes-salary-in-half-to-apologise-for-wii-u-losses/1100-6417409/

Nintendo CEO Satoru Iwata has announced that he will take a pay cut for the next five months in order to apologize for the Wii U debacle that I'm sure you've heard about all over the place. It was also announced that other members of the board will take a pay cut.

Nintendo critics will just say that they should make a good console so they won't have to take pay cuts, but I really appreciate the unity of Nintendo. They aren't perfect by any means, but this isn't the first time Iwata has slashed his pay for reasons like this. Keeping in the spirit of projections, I have done some math concerning Iwata's financial situation, using very complex algorithms while managing to work the quadratic formula into it somehow, and this is my prediction about where Iwata will be in three years:

That's right, a joke picture to make fun of my joke picture. I'm so post-modern. 

Just kidding, I used Paint!

Mario Kart 8 Gets A Release Date
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/30/mario-kart-8-to-be-released-in-may

And it's May! Now the Wii U game library looks like this:

Huzzah!


Pray To Whatever God You Believe In, Because Dark Souls 2 Is Going To Be Even More Difficult
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/dark-souls-2-will-let-other-players-ruin-your-game-even-when-hollow/1100-6417413/

Me being topical since CM Punk supposedly quit the WWE this week too.

It came out this week that Dark Souls 2 will let other players come into your world even when hollowed. The developer tried to ease us into the news by saying match making will be better, so, there's that. I guess.


What Plan Does Nintendo Have Now? Health... Products...
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/01/30/nintendo-on-its-future

So I don't know if this is silly or awesome. I mean, Nintendo does not give a single solitary fuck. I think I misused the "you're off the fucking chain" picture above, because I believe Nintendo earned the right to have it here.

The fact that they're going to release a system that focuses on the quality of your life is an... interesting venture. I probably won't get involved because I'm fat and unhealthy but way to go Nintendo, always looking out for us!


Also, when asked if Iwata ever considered quitting he said, “My conviction and passion have not been shaken.”

Microsoft Wants You To Ditch Your PS3 And Get An Xbox One Cheaper
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/microsoft-get-an-xbox-one-for-399-if-you-ditch-your-ps3/1100-6417436/

What a... wait, what? Sell your PS3 at specific stores and get 100 dollars off an Xbox One? That's actually a pretty sweet deal.

There Is A New Version of the Ouya That Promises Better Controller And Storage
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/new-16gb-ouya-revision-out-now-promises-better-controller-and-storage/1100-6417447/

If you are living in America and haven't gotten a chance to play the wildly popular Ouya, I got some great news for you. A new and improved version has been released and it'll only cost you 129 buckaroos. This will have better Wi-Fi, a better controller, 16 gbs of storage as opposed to 8, and a piece of paper that tells you the meaning of life.

Great! Another paperweight to go along with the Wii U!

Arkham: Origins DLC Cancelled For Wii U
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/wb-pulls-the-plug-on-batman-arkham-origins-story-dlc-for-wii-u/1100-6417441/

So it turns out that they aren't releasing DLC for the Wii U version of Arkham: Origins. Anybody who got the season pass will get their money back while being able to enjoy what is already there.

I reached myself for comment on this matter, and this is what I said:
This sucks! I STILL BELIEVE IN YOU NINTENDO! WAR NINTENDO!


EVE Online Has A Massive War
http://www.forbes.com/sites/erikkain/2014/01/29/massive-eve-online-battle-could-cost-500000-in-real-money/

I have to agree with anybody who says that EVE Online is fascinating and innovative, but really intimidating to try to get into. I love the idea of it, but unfortunately I'm too stupid. I tried getting into Dust 514 to try to get involved with the universe but that game... well, sucked last time I played it.

But enough about me, let's talk about heart-warming things like large scale space battles. This story gets me because this is the kind of shit I live for. A war that has cost between 300,000 and 500,000 REAL DOLLARS broke out over the week over unpaid rent.

Unpaid rent.

Unpaid rent.

I think this should happen every time that there's unpaid rent. Think of how awesome the world would be. Death everywhere, lots of property destruction. Sigh, a man can dream.



Well that's it for the news this week. I'm off to play the newest Jack King-Spooner game that you can acquire here: http://jackspinoza.itch.io/sluggish-morss

I hope you weren't too bored, and at this point next week I will be knee deep in Bravely Default so I should probably pay someone to do this for me next week. Just kidding everyone, I have no money! Tune in next week for some more poorly done Paint images and lame jokes.