Top Ten Tuesday - Ten Series That Need A New Game

Written By: Tyler

I haven't done a Top Ten Tuesday in a while, but I was sitting around discussing Smash Brothers with my own little brother (yes my very own!). We were talking about what characters, from any console/company, we'd like to see in the new one. This got me thinking about old games that I miss, so here we are at the newest Top Ten Tuesday.

Games like Metroid aren't included here because it's not like it's been that long since a new Metroid, and Nintendo has already mentioned new ones. To qualify for this list, you have to be a series that has remained dormant for an extended period of time (with some exceptions), especially despite fan outcry (or just my own), and it has to have more than one game. This list isn't for individual games that need sequels, as that's an article I will probably write at a later date.

Originality and new IPs be damned, here are the top ten video game series that need a new game entry.

10: F-Zero

Okay Nintendo, it's about time that you bring back this franchise. When you look back to the SNES F-Zero, it's mostly just a fast racer with pretty simplistic tracks. When I look at what Nintendo has done with the newest Mario Kart, it's hard not to drool all over myself when I consider what that could mean for F-Zero. Mario Kart 8 has some of the most insane tracks of any Mario Kart, and that amount of craziness could lend itself well to the speed of F-Zero. Let's get on it Nintendo.


9: Half-Life

To a lot of people, a new Half-Life would probably top this list. I like Half-Life... hell, I think that it's very deserving of its legendary status, but I'm not a Half-Life fanatic. That's why it's only number nine on my list. With that said, there's been teasing, waiting and annoying internet memes, all in the name of Half-Life 3, so Valve should really just release the damn thing and watch as the latest installment of its classic first-person shooter franchise gets 9.5s and 10s all across the board by critics.


8: Battletoads

When I was growing up we had a lot of great beat 'em ups, and Battletoads was always one of my favourites. While we've seen Double Dragons, we haven't seen a new Battletoads in a very long time. Why is that? I reckon part of it is just that this genre isn't as popular as it once was among the mainstream, but Battletoads is such a classic series with its fun fighting mechanics and its over-exaggerated moves, it's hard not to thirst for a new one.


7: Perfect Dark

The original Perfect Dark didn't innovate like Goldeneye 64 did, but it was a better game. It took the formula and upgraded it in all ways. The only criticism I have of it is the frame rate drops when things start getting hot and heavy. Still, it is a classic.

Jump ahead to 2005, and we get a new installment: Perfect Dark Zero. It didn't set the world on fire, but it was a solid game with some great multiplayer maps. I really enjoyed it. Since then, Rare had pitched the idea to Microsoft to make more, but it never flew. Instead, Rare is making Kinect games while Joanna Dark and crew are lost in the shuffle.


6: Genghis Khan

Genghis Khan 2: Glan of the Gray Wolf stands tall in a generation that had a lot of amazing history simulation/strategy games. We had Nobunaga's Ambition, Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Liberty or Death, and many more, but Genghis Khan 2 is the best and is my favourite strategy game of all-time. There have been Japanese sequels, but even those were a long time ago now. I know the market isn't what it once was, but I'd love to see a new installment of this series.


5: Chrono Series

The crowning achievement of the SNES is arguably Chrono Trigger. It's one of the finest RPGs ever made. So excitement was high for the sequel Chrono Cross. When Chrono Cross came out, it sold really well and was critically acclaimed, but some fans weren't happy. It had elements of Chrono Trigger, but it wasn't seen as a true sequel to the SNES classic. I love Chrono Cross, myself, but it's not Chrono Trigger to me, despite the amazing soundtrack, the large cast, and the great story.

Then the Chrono series disappeared. There hasn't been a new game. I don't expect a direct sequel to Chrono Trigger, with the same characters, though admittedly after all this time it would be nice to see them again. I'm not picky, I just want a new game.


4: The Lost Vikings

Blizzard has incredible series like Warcraft, Starcraft and Diablo, but my favourite is The Lost Vikings. I loved the co-op puzzle/platformer, where each Viking had his own limitations and abilities and you had to go through the levels using all three. It was a great mechanic back in the day, and despite the Lost Vikings showing up in games like World of Warcraft, we have yet to see another new game in the franchise... and quite frankly it's long overdue.


3: Earthbound/Mother

Even if I wasn't a huge fan of Earthbound and Mother 3, I would include this on the list because there have been very few franchises with this kind of fan demand. There is technically a Mother 4 coming, but it's fan-made. Each game has been a unique take on certain things, and I think it's about time that they give into what the fans want and just release another one. That's right, I'm telling them what to do.

 
2: Ogre Battle

Ogre Battle: March of the Black Queen is one of the best games ever. The excellent blend of strategy and RPG was really appealing at the time and I spent hours and hours playing it because there is a lot of replay value and secrets to find. I still don't think I know where everything is. I really liked Ogre Battle 64 too and think it's one of the best games on the N64. There have been spin-offs like Tactics Ogre, but I would lose it if they announced a new game in the series like the SNES one.


1: Timesplitters

There are games I like more than Timesplitters, like Earthbound and Ogre Battle, but I adore Timesplitters as it's one of my favourite shooters ever. So why is it number one if there are games I like more? Because they keep throwing it in our face. First it was in development, then it stopped. Then it got cancelled. Then Crytek said they wanted to make it. They're still saying it's something they want to make. I wish they would because in this world of grim shooters, it'd be nice to have a light-hearted, fast shooter with a sense of humour... and monkeys.


Honourable Mentions:
Commander Keen
Loaded
Power Stone
Shenmue


So what did you think? Did I miss a series that you really like? Let me know in the comments below or feel free to make friends with me on Twitter @ArtBathednCrime. Until next time, Happy Tuesday.

Video Game History Month: The SNES Is The Best System Ever (Part 2) -- The RPGs

Written By: Tyler

In the previous installment of "The SNES Is The Best System Ever," I talked a little bit about the more technical aspects of the system, and discussed briefly why it's the best system ever. But now it's time to get down and dirty and start talking about what makes any system a success: the games (or in the case of the Wii -- a gimmick followed by Wii Sports).

The SNES has a lot of great games, and I'm not going to be able to cover every single game but I would like to drop dime on some of my personal favourites. To do this, I figure it will be more efficient to group the games into genres and write a few posts instead of just having one massive article that nobody will ever finish. Since I'm a role-playing game fan at heart, I reckon that the RPGs are a good place to start. I'm not going to talk about every single RPG on the SNES, but I will select a decent collection of them. So let's begin this party with some big-ass letters.


The RPGS

Final Fantasy 3/6 - Final Fantasy 6 (3 in North America for a long time) is probably the best Final Fantasy ever. It had a large cast of characters, but most of them were actually memorable. I can only think of a couple that weren't, and to be honest, they were optional characters anyway. FF6 managed to be incredibly dark and surprising, with excellent gameplay. It always amazes me that the villain basically "won" halfway through the game when Kefka destroys the world. Sure, you beat him in the long run, but he's also messed up everything at that point and it'll be a long time before they can rebuild society.

I once borrowed this game from a friend, and I ended up losing it... though to this day I feel like my mom misplaced it or something else happened. Regardless, it seemed to have disappeared. To pay my friend back, I gave him one of my games, and for the longest time I felt like he was getting a better deal out of things anyway. I'm not entirely sure I feel that way anymore, but the next game in the list is said game and it's a testament to how good both games are that I'm conflicted about which is actually better.


Chrono Trigger - One of the greatest RPGs of all-time. It is a story of time travel with very memorable music and characters. At the time it was a small but wonderful detail that added to the immersion, but I was impressed by how you just whipped out your weapons and scrapped on-site. Not many games afterward actually did this.

I spent a lot of time playing this as a kid, and if you haven't played it you should... you owe yourself that much.


Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars - The marriage of two of the most influential companies in my life at that point: Squaresoft and Nintendo. Yes I know that Square developed games on the Nintendo platform before, but they literally took Mario characters -- along with creating some of their own -- and made an awesome RPG out of them. The battle system was still turn-based but due to the nature of timing your attacks, it added another dimension to it.

Super Mario RPG still has a line that I use to this day on occasion, "Are you leaking, my dear?"


Final Fantasy 2/4 - Though it's kinda sorta lightweight compared to the absolute monster that came afterward, Final Fantasy 4 (again, Final Fantasy 2 for a long time in North America) is still a completely solid entry in the Final Fantasy series, with incredible music and a lot of human sacrifice -- if only they hadn't ruined that at the end. There's actually a lot of emotion present throughout the game because of how much each and every character goes through. There are twins turning themselves to stone, love triangles, friend betrayals, Cid jumping down a massive hole, etc.

To this day, Kain is a favourite Final Fantasy character for me, and he brought about my love of Dragoons. Even in Final Fantasy 14: A Realm Reborn, I got giddy once I did my first "Jump" attack.


Final Fantasy 5 - This is a Final Fantasy that didn't touch down on North American soil until later on, unless you had an emulator because a bunch of Gods translated it. I don't go to this one for the story or the characters, but it had a pretty boss job system that encouraged replay.


Secret of Mana - Secret of Mana, what can I say about you? I spent many hours playing you by myself in a dark room with romantic music on and with friends. Outside of the fact that maybe the ring system is a little outdated -- it's not a bad system, but in magic heavy battles it's annoying being the guy who isn't casting magic -- it's one of the best RPGs ever and just an amazing game to play with a friend.

Seiken Densetsu 3 - This is the sequel to Secret of Mana, and it wasn't released here in North America. Luckily, like Final Fantasy 5, it was translated by some fine people and I was able to play it. Technically it's probably a better game than Secret of Mana because it offers more of everything, like multiple characters and classes to choose from with more plotlines to play, and enhances the experience while retaining the core gameplay. I usually say I prefer Secret of Mana due to the amount of time I spent with it but SD3 is awesome too.

Secret of Evermore - It's not Secret of Mana, which was a disappointment for some, but it had its own flair, style and gameplay mechanics that made it its own game. The story was more out there and Sci-Fi, which I think was actually more interesting than Secret of Mana, but it is a lesser game as a whole. Regardless, I'm not saying it's a bad game... it's just lesser compared to an RPG that's one of the best of all time. That's hardly even a criticism.


Earthbound - My brother told me that a nerd at Comic-Con said that Earthbound is "too mainstream." I remember a time when nobody knew it. I remember going to rent it and getting that massive instruction manual/strategy guide that is still the best instruction manual I've ever seen. I remember playing Earthbound for hours on end as a kid, being amazed by the humour, characters and music. Years down the road I remember digging deeper into the story and being impressed by how clever the game actually was.

What I'm trying to say is that as a kid I appreciated Earthbound on a base level. As an adult I appreciate Earthbound as a complete experience, as a classic of the genre, a deconstruction of the RPG and North American culture... and possibly a story about abortion.

Basically, screw you random nerd.


Lufia 2: Rise of the Sinistrals - The first Lufia game is a classic too, but I want to group the two games together. I'm a huge Lufia "mark," to use a pro-wrestling term. Lufia 2 is a prequel, and the ending is literally spoiled within the first twenty minutes of the first game, but that didn't matter because it was one of the most heart-wrenching sacrifices in the history of gaming.

Aside from that, Lufia 2 took the elements of the first game and added things like Capsule Monsters, enemies you could see on-screen and... puzzles? Normally I don't really want puzzles in my RPG, but Lufia 2 is okay by me.


Shadowrun - Some people say that the Shadowrun on Genesis is actually better, but I never got to play it. Shadowrun kind of creeps me out to this day, and I can't really understand why. It's a dark, cyberpunk world where within the first half hour you've scared people so bad they left the room and won't open the door, talked to an ugly dude about you getting "geeked" and talked to a dog in an alley. Awesome.

We never got another Shadowrun that could match up to this one, but Shadowrun Returns came close.


Ogre Battle: March of the Black Queen - Top 5 RPG of all-time for me. This, FF6, FF7, Parasite Eve and Chrono Trigger tend to be the RPGs I fall back on, which Earthbound as an honourable mention (depending on my mood, really, because you can rotate any of these and I'll be happy, with Parasite Eve being the only game that is always number one). Ogre Battle 64 was a worthy successor, but nothing has compared to the original SNES one. This amazing strategy RPG has incredible replay value because a) it's hard as hell to not be a bad guy, and b) the customization of your army encourages this kind-of thing. There are also secrets I've never even found.

This is a game that we need to see another sequel of. Right now.


Dragon View - This is probably one of the RPGs on the list that don't get nearly enough recognition. It was a sequel to Drakkhen, which itself was a decent take on the computer RPG, but didn't wow me in any significant way. The dungeons are in a side view and the game becomes an Action RPG, and I'll never forget the scene where you walk into a room and Giza beats the everliving piss out of you.


Super Ninja Boy - Super Ninja Boy is another game that doesn't get any recognition. It's not that the story is incredible, but it's actually a completely solid two-player RPG with a battle system that was rarely seen back in the day -- you could actually run around freely in the battle screen, jump, punch and throw enemies into holes that for some reason are in the ground. It doesn't seem like much now, but it was a big deal then, and when I played this game again years ago I still really dug it (outside of how many random encounters there were).


Uncharted Waters 2: New Horizons - Just today my older brother (he loves when I mention him, and I know he reads this so I will keep doing it) said, "It's the first open world game I ever remember playing." I never thought of it that way but he could be right. Uncharted Waters 2 is a game where you pick one of, I believe, four characters (though I could be wrong), and they all have their own goals to accomplish. I remember that one guy has to map the world.

From there, it's a bit of an odd mixture. It's part strategy game, part simulation, but websites seem to classify it as an RPG so I had to mention it too. It's just out of my Top 5 RPGs of all-time, but it's very close and I do adore it more than my unborn children.

You sail the world, getting in ship battles, and I was always particularly intrigued by the one-on-one sword duels you could get into. Uncharted Waters 2 is actually one of the games that most influenced what I did outside. If you don't want to hear about younger me, then skip down, but I would go outside on my deck with a friend and basically  just re-enact the game. I would pretend that the deck was my ship, I'd create a fleet and attack other fleets, while creating my own story. So thank you Uncharted Waters 2 for impacting both my indoors activities and my outdoor activities too. Damn it I'm such a nerd.


The Others

There were other solid RPGs like Illusion of Gaia, Lagoon, Brain Lord, Breath of Fire 2, 7th Saga, Inindo: Way of the Ninja, Live A Live and Equinox as well. All of those are great in their own ways, and I'm not discussing them simply because I was trying to keep it to my all-time favourite RPGs on the SNES... but then I cheated and threw out these honourable mentions because I feel like it's a disservice to gaming if I don't mention them.


But Wait, There's More

However, my journey with SNES RPGs is not over, as their are two games in particular on deck that I intend to play someday. These were originally not released in North America and I can't read Japanese (well I can, just not successfully), but due to people being awesome and the internet, I will now be able to play them.

Star Ocean - I remember reading about this in, I believe, the same magazine that I originally read about Final Fantasy 7. I always waited for it and it never came. It's since been re-released for, I believe, the PSP, and I intend to eventually get it and finally play the game. I love love love Star Ocean: The Second Story, so I can't wait to play this one.

Terranigma - This is a game I never knew about until I got the internet, and I still haven't played it because all these new games keep coming out. I hear Terranigma has an awesome story, and from what I've heard of the soundtrack, that is great too. Eventually I shall sink my teeth into this and Star Ocean.




So there you have it people. Did I miss any SNES RPGs that you absolutely adore? Let me know in the comments below or tweet me @ArtBathednCrime. I'd love to hear about your own SNES experiences, and stay tuned for next time when I give you Part 3... though I'm not sure what genres I will be tackling next.

Video Game History Month AND Top Ten Tuesday - Top 10 Best 16-Bit Video Game Songs (For Me Of Course)

 Written By: Tyler

I haven't done a Top Ten Tuesday in a while, but I decided that since it's Video Game History Month, I'll do a Top 10 Best 16-Bit Video Game Songs. This is a collection of tunes -- mostly for the SNES -- that I can still listen to today and enjoy them as much as I did back then. These are top of their class-type songs.


10: Ogre Battle - Thunder (Revolt)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDAMxLKY2EY 

This song almost didn't make the list, but then I listened to it again. It's not a song that I listen to a lot, but when I hear it a lot of great Ogre Battle memories come flooding back to me. This is the song that often plays as you lay siege to everything, and it's such a great song for a war... watching your troops proceed and attack. Ogre Battle was special, and this song -- along with the battle theme -- help make it that way.


9:  General Chaos - General Chaos Theme
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tO63dZic1l8

There's a lot of war going on in my list. This song pumps me up for battle.


8: The Lost Vikings Theme (SNES)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAd9x5fTSVo 

I'm not entirely sure why they picked a song like this to be the theme music for a game about Vikings, but dammit it worked because I get excited every time I hear it. It's cool, and when you pair it with the images of the Lost Vikings posing, you have quite a team. The whole soundtrack is great, but this really sets the tone.


7: Secret of Evermore - Dog Maze
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSQszBHMHHc

Secret of Evermore is a bit of an underrated game I think, and Dog Maze is one of the best SNES tracks of all time. The beginning especially is extremely haunting and it conjures up sad images in my head. After all this time, honestly, I can't even remember where the song is actually from but despite that the music fits the title. Dog Maze, indeed.


6: Final Fantasy 2/4 - Sorrow In Loss
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfT4X-Sr6Bc

I could make an entire list of great Final Fantasy tracks. Hell, I could probably make a Top Ten of just Final Fantasy 4 tracks, but since I said I'd only pick one song from each game, I'm choosing to represent Final Fantasy 4 with one of the most depressing video game songs I've ever heard. It perfectly captures the mood and adds a lot to any scene it's in.


5: Super Metroid Theme
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vYsVk23oxA

When you're flying through space as a bounty hunter, seeing things that a normal person could only dream of, you need a fitting song to represent the simultaneous badassdom and isolation. Cue the Super Metroid theme. It plays at the beginning when Samus is recapping what's been going on in her boring life, and as a kid it creeped me out. Now it just makes me go "hell yeah!"


4: Chrono Trigger - The Day The World Revived
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwi9cjQkteA 

There's a lot of good music in Chrono Trigger -- hell, despite placing this particular song at number 4 as opposed to 1, it's actually one of the best soundtracks of all time -- but I'm a miserable young man and sad, pretty music is what gets me. I considered the Magus theme because of how kick-ass it is for a theme of someone, but I went with this song that manages to install hope but be incredibly tragic at the same time.


3: Final fantasy 3/6 - Atma Weapon Theme
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KH40gYZhwWI

Atma gets its own battle theme, and it's awesome. It's such an intense song, and manages to make Atma feel like the biggest boss battle ever. 


2: Lufia & The Fortress of Doom - Fortress of Doom (Last Duel)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzBsFGh6zoc

I won't say a lot about the scene, but this plays at the beginning and this song will always benefit from the marriage of it with that scene. But even by itself, it's still one of the best "dungeon" songs of all-time. I hear it and I can't help but feel hyped to explore the fortress.


1: Secret of Mana - Opening Theme
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6YAiLHXw_c

You don't have to wait long until you hear one of the best video game tracks ever. Turn on Secret of Mana, and just let it do its thing for a while. This gorgeous tune will play that will sweep you away to another world, and if you're like me, you will be in awe of how pretty and emotional it is -- and at this point you haven't even done anything yet! I can't quit this song.

Top Ten Tuesday -- Top 10 Catchphrases In Video Games

Written By: Tyler

I like lists. In fact, I like lists a lot. If I had my way I'd probably sit around and make lists that nobody else cares about all day. But alas, people tell me that I have to go have a life or go to work. I was on The Broke and The Bookish where they do/did Top Ten Tuesdays and I really like the idea of doing that weekly... however I probably won't be able to commit to it every week because I'm not that creative and this blog is free (I know, mind blown) and I have to put priority on other matters like paying those little gimmicks called bills -- to quote Stone Cold Steve Austin. Oh well, I will from this point on try to do a Top Ten Tuesday as often as possible even if it's only once a month.

Since Bravely Default is so long and is taking up so much time I haven't written a review in a while and coincidentally I've had less content on here lately because of it. Fear not, a review for Bravely Default is coming, along with Thief and Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze, among whatever indie games happen to fall into my lap.

One thing I feel the need to mention, and will probably mention each time I make a list, is that this is my list. I'm not sitting here trying to be "objective." I'm not sitting here debating to myself what the most important catch phrase is. I keep it simple stupid because my mind can't handle much else -- I include the catch phrases that I like.


Here are the Top 10 Catchphrases In Video Games

It's important to note there is a difference between catch phrases and quotes. There are some badass quotes in games but if they've only said it once then it doesn't qualify. I don't like to flood my list with the same games so if there are numerous catchphrases in one game the entire game will be represented by my absolute favourite.


10: Scorpion from Mortal Kombat - "Get Over Here!"

When you hear Scorpion yell this at you, it's too late, you've already been hit (damn!). If you didn't catch that Limp Bizkit reference than shame on you.

Scorpion is a badass and he throws his spear at you. When it hits you, he yells this at you and even though you really don't wanna go over there, you have no choice because the spear is in your neck or chest. After that point there's probably an uppercut coming.


9: Random Voice in Ogre Battle - "Fight It Out"

This probably isn't a popular pick but I try to throw Ogre Battle: March of the Black Queen into everything I do. At work, at home, at fancy dinners, whatever, I talk about Ogre Battle.

Right before you're about to get in a fight, you hear a voice say "Fight it out." And then this song hits:
Then you know shit got real


8: Moogles in Final Fantasy - Kupo!

I love Moogles. Fans of Final Fantasy love Moogles. I feel like they are a good representation of Final Fantasy. Admittedly, while characters have said a lot of great lines in the series, there aren't that many great catchphrases, so leave it to the cute little white things to save the day.


7: Random Enemies from River City Ransom - Barf!

A great supporting role in a movie compliments the lead and makes the experience better. The enemies in River City Ransom compliment you because when you are done kicking the shit out of them, they die... but first they barf. It's extremely satisfying.



6: Your Wife From Genghis Khan 2 - "...Is that lipstick on your collar?"

You can choose to spend time with your family in order to create children to lead your army after you pass. I think Genghis Khan 2 is an overlooked or at least under appreciated Strategy game from a company that was firing on all cylinders at the time, and despite it being memorable for all kinds of reasons, it's this quote that sticks out to me.

Why? Because the game forces you to cheat! I've entered marital problems that I didn't even know existed! I was off trying to build an empire but apparently I was getting down a lot with random girls (or guys?), and my wife knows it. She's a clever little thing, but she still sleeps with me so in my book that's a win-win for men all around the world.


5: Toad from Super Mario Bros. - "Thank you Mario! But our Princess is in another castle!"

It's such an overdone choice but there's a reason for that. For years, children all over would play Mario and we'd be bashed over the head with disappointment after disappointment when we were told this. The thing that really pisses me off is that he seems so joyful about it... I mean as much as an 8-bit character can be. Look at those exclamation marks.


4: Ryu and Ken from Street Fighter - "Shoryuken!"

This beats "Hadouken!" for me just because of the amount of passion that Ryu and Ken put into it. I feel like that has to count for something, so even though I like using the Hadouken more, Ryu and Ken deserve more praise for their enunciation of Shoryuken.


3: Sergeant Cortez from Timesplitters - "It's time to split."

This is one of the most self-aware, cheesiest lines in all of gaming, and I love Cortez for it. It gets to the point that he has used it so much that he ends up getting cut-off because people are just tired of him. That's the mark of a classic catchphrase, and I can only hope I can get to that point in my life.


2: The Game Over Screen in the Metal Gear Solid Series - "Snake? Snake? SNAAAAAAAKE!"

This beat out Solid Snake going "Damn!" and "Metal Geeeeear?" but it was a hard choice. This is more memorable because whenever you die people get upset. That's an alien feeling to me in real life (because I die all the time and nobody cares), so when you hear people like Otacon yell your name... it makes you feel good.


1: Atlas/Fontaine in Bioshock - "Would you kindly?"

I had to put this number one because it's a legit awesome line. Some of these choices are just because I spent years having them drilled into my head. This is actually clever writing. What I love about Bioshock is that it's very post-modern. It dissects video games.

It does this by taking something that gamers never think about and putting a new spin on it. As gamers we just do what we're told. We progress when we can. In Bioshock you progress because you're hypnotized. All of a sudden, it all makes sense... he wasn't just being nice to you, he was bossing you around! It's genius and it's my favourite catchphrase.



If you have an idea of a list that you'd like to see me do, regardless of how silly it could be, let me know in the comments below or on Twitter @ArtBathednCrime. I will try my best to eventually do it as long as it's possible and entertaining.

Got Someone Who Loves You? All Alone? No Matter... Here Are 14 Games (Well 15 Technically) To Play On Valentine's Day

Written By: Tyler


It's that time of the year... that time where people celebrate their relationships, loners feel even more alone and every website on the planet makes a Valentine's Day special. I am no different, so I've created a list of 14 games (though technically 15 but two are in the same series) that you should play on this precious corporate cash grab day. There are probably games more deserving but I threw this together pretty quickly and I feel it's a good start.

Er, I mean, you shouldn't be playing video games anyway... go take your girlfriend or boyfriend out and enjoy life.


Baby Maker Extreme 2

If you're a straight couple then this is how it's going to go. You are a man (look, just go with it ladies), and you are going to charm your woman. You will go out, get something to eat, maybe go dancing. Maybe you'll go have a picnic... I don't know, it's your Valentine's Day. Then you're going to have sex. It's a foregone conclusion so just roll with it. But the real problem comes afterwards -- the pregnancy. Oh no! We don't have money, we're in debt, we're thirteen, we don't know how to handle this situation. 

Don't worry, because Baby Maker Extreme 2 has at least one of those problems under control. This game will teach you exactly how the birth is going to be, and it's insanely accurate. You're welcome lovers.


Super Mario Bros.

Let's be honest, the core Mario games work because the whole point was usually to save the princess. Isn't that true love? I think it has to be. Or it's just some weird roleplay that I don't want to think about. Gross, Mario.


Braid

Braid is a big indie game because it got really popular. That's fair because I think it deserves it. But that in itself doesn't make it a great game to play on Valentine's Day, so what does? The fact that throughout the whole thing are you trying to save a girl a la Mario. Or it's a metaphor for a bomb. Either way it's like a relationship and this puzzle-platformer should definitely be played on that day.


Catherine

Just explain why you're playing a game with things like this.

The whole game is focused on relationships. I mean, it's not that romantic as it deals with cheating and whatnot, but it's still a clever, slightly weird game to play with your significant other... right?


Ico

What shows companionship more than holding a person's hand in order to guide them through the levels? If you're a male and you show your girl this, she could think you're such a sweetheart if you play it right. "No sweetie, I didn't have to hold this person's hand, I'm just really kind and sensitive." She doesn't have to know you can't progress unless you do. However, if she knows that you have to do that, then +1 to your relationship. You got yourself a keeper.


The Darkness 1 and 2

Ahhh, love.

If you can get past the fact that these games are incredibly dark, you actually have one of the more heart-warming tales of love in gaming. This isn't even a joke. The Darkness 2 especially conveys how much the main character loves his girlfriend.


Mario Kart

Most of my picks have been single player, so I have to throw out this. Mario Kart is acceptable for any situation that you could possibly dream up, but especially Valentine's Day because it's simple to get into, has familiar characters and is just a lot of fun to play with someone.


I Wanna Be The Guy

Get used to seeing that. It's also a great reason to quit playing games and actually go out.

Notorious for being incredibly um, challenging, I Wanna Be The Guy is a perfect opportunity to tell your significant other how good he/she/It has it. Think about it -- the game is so hard that after your lover has played the game you can look at him/her and say, "You may get pissed off at me for the stupid things that I do but you never get this pissed off." Plus, the title works if you're asking someone out. Nothing creepier or odder than asking someone out by simply saying "I wanna be the guy."


Ogre Battle: The March of the Black Queen

What you don't realize is that this is actually an orgy in the making. <3 Free love.

Do people fall in love in this game? It's been so long I can't really remember the story. It doesn't matter though, because I didn't pick this game because I thought that it was a fitting Valentine's Day game. I picked Ogre Battle because a) it's Ogre Battle and b) any day is a good day to play Ogre Battle. So there you have it.


Final Fantasy 7

Don't mind me, I'm just about to drown Aeris. Love you girl.

Some call it the greatest RPG ever, some call it the most overrated RPG ever. Some just plain hate it. But it's hard to deny that it's a great game to play on Valentine's Day because there's a whole lot of love in it... and some of it may or may not involve a big black guy.

Cloud falls in love with Aeris. But depending on who you ask, Cloud loved Tifa all along. I don't know why we couldn't have just had all of them together. There is also that time where Cloud might have taken Barrett on a date in the Gold Saucer. I'm not judging... I'm just saying that it works on all levels.


Double Dragon

Their brotherhood is unbreakable...

I'm a Double Dragon 2 guy, but what says love better than two brothers fighting for your affection? Yes, you fight your flesh and blood for a woman at the end of this. Beautiful, sweet love, tearing brothers apart.


Passage

Love is a, er, um, hallway?

I want to be serious for a second. This pixel romance is extremely touching and true to life. All you do is walk to the right for a few minutes but an entire life passes and it's incredibly effective. It shows true love without saying a word.


To The Moon

Just to say on the "serious side" for a little bit, To The Moon doesn't start as a love story. But as they dig into his memories you see that the focus is entirely on a relationship. So with that said, you don't have to go to the moon to find love, you can find it in To The Moon. Oh god that was cheesy.


Manhunt

From loving you.

What better way to celebrate Valentine's Day than by playing a game known for being disgusting and offensive? Ruthless violence -- sounds like my previous relationships. Manhunt has a certain gritty charm, and as bad as it may sound... killing someone by putting a bag over their head is insanely satisfying. Do you think I'm psycho yet?