Twas the week before TITANFALL... which means that after next week I'll have significantly less news to report on! Or maybe I'm tired of talking about TITANFALL and just want it to come. Regardless, here is some of the news of the past week that interests me enough to make fun of it.
Speaking Of Which, Here's Some More TITANFALL Crap
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/leaked-titanfall-screenshots-show-ziplines-and-heavy-turrets-in-multiplayer-report/1100-6418054/
The internet did what the internet does and it leaked some screenshots of the wildly popular and hyped FPS. The screens allegedly show things like monsters, the Generations feature, and most amazingly ziplines so people can travel across the map on them. But don't they have jetpacks or something?
Season Pass For TITANFALL Is 25 Buckaroos
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/titanfall-season-pass-is-25-contains-3-packs/1100-6418133/
Give TITANFALL your money.
Before We Go Any Further, Let's Talk South Park
The South Park RPG has been delayed too long, and all I can say is that it was finally released this week so while you can expect a review for it at some point on here, just go pick it up. Now. Stop reading this garbage and go do something useful with your life.
Mass Effect Trilogy May Show Up On PS4 and Xbone
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/xbox-one-and-ps4-versions-of-mass-effect-trilogy-discussed-at-bioware/1100-6418055/
Like the title says, it's very possible that Mass Effect is going to show up on the next-gen consoles, which is great except for the fact that unless they release ME3 with the modified ending we're going to have to listen to the internet bitch about the ending all over again.
Why Does Nintendo Want To Improve Your Quality Of Life?
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/nintendo-explains-why-it-wants-to-improve-your-quality-of-life/1100-6418059/
Because they're nice people. They believe in individuality and giving products that people of all ages can enjoy. Novel concept.
Plus, if people die then Nintendo won't make any money, because Lord (Vader) knows that the Wii U isn't doing it for them.
They also said that video game hardware is still their core focus. Cue Nintendo-hater complaing in 3, 2, 1...
Oculus Rift Is Not Going To Be A "Rich Person's Toy"(Damn You IGN For Stealing My Headline!)
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/oculus-rift-will-be-affordable-says-creator/1100-6418068/
No, because society is a rich person's toy. Oh snap!
They're looking at a $300 dollar price tag for the thing, and that seems reasonable. Especially when you run a successful video game blog.
Fez Is Coming To PS4, Will Run At 1080p And 60fps
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/indie-hit-fez-comes-to-ps4-march-25-runs-in-1080p-60fps/1100-6418067/
And not a moment to soon because if Fish doesn't make more money he may just kill himself. He didn't say this, I'm just scared for him.
I'm also happy that it's going to be in 1080p because Fez is the type of game that will really put into perspective just how important it is.
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| Left: Before 1080p. Right: After 1080p. |
Like Super Smash Bros. But Own An Xbox One And Not A Wii U?
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/don-t-expect-a-smash-bros-style-fighting-game-from-microsoft-for-xbox-one/1100-6418061/
Phil Spencer enjoys the popular Nintendo brawler, but says that Smash Bros. only works because Nintendo has a ballin' cast of characters. Those are my words, but that's what he meant anyway. So that's bad news for anybody who was holding out hope that Microsoft would pull a Sony and rip off Smash Bros. too.
If You Think The Ouya Is Ass But Still Want To Play Some Ouya Games, Then Read Below
http://www.destructoid.com/soon-you-won-t-need-an-ouya-to-play-ouya-games-271393.phtml
Apparently the marketing strategy for the Ouya is to offer the Ouya games on other platforms as well. Solid work guys. And I'm leaving it at that because I was either extremely sarcastic or giving them praise... since I know jack-shiz about marketing and finance, I feel this is the best option.
If You're One Of The Few People That Love Marvel Heroes, Moon Knight Has Joined The Fight
http://www.destructoid.com/marvel-heroes-update-2-31-brings-moon-knight-271369.phtml
I actually enjoy Marvel Heroes. I like playing as my favourite Marvel characters, I like that it's a hack n'slash RPG. It's not without flaws, but it's nice to know that they keep adding stuff to it.
Zynga Releasing More Games
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/03/03/new-farmville-words-with-friends-coming-to-mobile-devices
There are three to be exact... Farmville 2: Country Escape, New Zynga Poker and New Words With Friends. Great, now I can get even more game requests on Facebook. If I had as many friends as I do game requests then I'd actually be popular on Facebook.
Goat Simulator (Part 2)
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/03/04/goat-simulator-release-date-revealed
If you remember, though I don't know why you would, I posted the trailer for Goat Simulator something like two weeks ago. I was super high on it, because it looks silly and fun, and now... we have a release date: April 1.
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| It doesn't matter how often I see this gif, it is always awesome. |
Batman: Arkham Knight Is Confirmed For October 14, 2014 (That's This Year!)
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/03/04/the-new-batman-game-is-batman-arkham-knight
As you can see, there is a new Batman game, and this time it is a direct sequel to Arkham City. A new Batman game this year?
Let's go for three...
Square Enix Lets 27 People Go
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/thief-dev-cuts-27-jobs-one-week-after-release/1100-6418106/
Wait, what?
They said that unfortunately it's something that major studios have to do sometimes. It sucks because it was only a week after Thief came out.
Start Playing Project Spark This Week
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/ambitious-xbox-one-game-builder-project-spark-hits-open-beta-today/1100-6418095/
The game builder Project Spark for Xbox One hit open beta this week. In it you can create your own games or movies, and it does seem quite awesome. I love having to create my own games to play! Thanks!
Battlefield 4 Still Has Issues, More Updates Coming
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/dice-details-the-netcode-issues-disrupting-battlefield-4-promises-more-updates/1100-6418087/
Move along, I'm tired of talking about it.
Fine, fine, fine... I'll do it because I love you. Yes, you. You are the only person who reads this.
Apparently some people are receiving the reward of instant death (via being catapulted through the air) when they are trying to spring. DICE knows this, so they're going to try to fix it.
Microsoft Trying To Get Realistic Up In Herrrr
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/xbox-one-could-get-photorealistic-rendering-system-for-amazing-visuals/1100-6418060/
Phil Spencer says that internal testing for photorealistic lighting effects is currently underway, further blurring the lines between reality and video games. My reality is video games so this doesn't change anything for me anyway.
Aw...
Nintendo Won't Bring Mario To iPhone Because Of The Controls
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/nintendo-on-why-bringing-mario-to-iphones-is-problematic/1100-6418105/
Thank Nintendo. Kensuke Tanabe stated that it would be a "really, really difficult task." Translation since he's foreign: touch-screen controls suck ass. You're welcome, please give me a job?
Amy Hennig, Writer On Uncharted 4, Has "Left" Naughty Dog
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/uncharted-ps4-writer-leaves-naughty-dog/1100-6418113/
Amy Hennig has left the series that she has worked on for years, and according to the reports she was forced out. I sense something naughty happening in Naughty Dog. Oh, that was bad, I'm sorry.
Update: Now they're saying that she wasn't forced out. Who do I believe? How will I handle this? How do I go on?
Remember DirectX? Microsoft Does
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/microsoft-will-unveil-directx-12-later-this-month-at-gdc-hints-at-pc-tablet-phone-and-console-support/1100-6418137/
It looks like an update for DirectX is coming... the first since 2008. Supposedly DirectX 12 will be revealed at GDC, but who knows with Microsoft really.
85p Microtransaction? Get Killzone: Shadow Fall
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/ps4-pricing-blunder-lets-customers-buy-killzone-shadow-fall-for-85p/1100-6418136/
In the UK there was a blunder (can't imagine that... I'm just playing UK) this week where if you spend 85p, you get an entire game. That entire game is Killzone: Shadow Fall, the launch title FPS that I adore.
The sad thing is, there are so few players playing that game -- because they were dumb enough to release the game in the middle of Call Of Money and Battlebroke 4 -- that even with this mistake there's still probably only 2000 people playing at any given time.
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| There has gotta be players out there somewhere. |
Speaking Of KZ, MAPS! FREE!
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/ps4-exclusive-killzone-shadow-fall-gets-free-multiplayer-maps/1100-6418134/
So this week they released two free maps, so you know, if you're one of the few people who have the game -- and coincidentally have good taste -- then download that shiz. Also, the Insurgent DLC will be available soon which sounds pretty awesome: new class with new abilities and new guns are the selling points for me but there are other smaller things as well. Pumped to try a new class.
Killzone, you have no idea how bad it gets... I wish I knew how to quit you.
The Return Of...
EA Says No More PS3, Xbox 360 Price Drops
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/ea-says-don-t-expect-an-xbox-360-or-ps3-price-drop-any-time-soon/1100-6418135/
Thanks EA for apparently having your nose in everybody's business.
They Also Say That Free-To-Play Is Great
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/ea-says-don-t-expect-an-xbox-360-or-ps3-price-drop-any-time-soon/1100-6418135/
Yeah because that worked out really well for Plants vs Zombies 2 and Dungeon Keeper.
Battlefield 4's Rocky Launch Didn't Hurt Shit, Okay?
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/ea-battlefield-s-rocky-launch-did-not-damage-the-franchise/1100-6418131/
EA stated that fans have been "very responsive" and that the brand hasn't been hurt. No, because pissing off your fan base by releasing a broken game that people can't play doesn't hurt anything.
Oh who am I kidding? I can make fun all I want but people are such silly little creatures that they'll still flock to Battlefield 5.
They Clone Flappy Bird More Than Big Boss
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/report-new-flappy-bird-clone-hits-app-store-every-24-minutes/1100-6418126/
Every 24 minutes a Flappy Bird clone hits the app store. At first I thought it was 24 hours but 24 minutes? Oh sweet jesus, we're all doomed.
A Couple Screenshots For The Division Showed Up
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/03/05/new-the-division-screens-show-rooftops-and-ui
In case you were unaware of what The Division is... it is awesome in disc format. The game looks so mind blowing that I am dead now. It is so awe-inspiring that it is the new Pandora (from Avatar) and people will kill themselves because they can't be the game in real life.
Or it'll be a flop because it has so much hype.
Either way, they released some new screenshots and here's one:
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/ea-ceo-thinking-about-virtual-reality-experiences-but-not-necessarily-for-the-oculus-rift/1100-6418183/
Like the title says, the EA CEO is pondering some virtual reality ideas, but doesn't know if the maker of the Oculus Rift will be a partner. People love when EA doesn't use an established platform (if you can call Oculus Rift that at this point) and instead does their own thing.
Thank you EA for your time. Now, moving on...
Zeno Clash Developer Is Bringing Old School Back With A 2D Side-Scrolling Fighter
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/03/06/zeno-clash-dev-to-release-a-side-scrolling-fighting-title
Abyss Odyssey is the name, and they're promising that due to the fact that levels are procedurally generated that no playthrough will be the same. I love Zeno Clash but feel that fighting belongs in a different genre, so sign me up anyway.
I just hope that the story is as easy to understand as Zeno Clash is.
Child Of Light Has Co-Op, And Uh, You Can Be A Ball of Light
http://www.destructoid.com/apparently-child-of-light-has-co-op-watch-this-beautiful-trailer-271519.phtml
From what I can gather, one player controls the main character and the other person helps by controlling a ball of light. It... let's be honest, it doesn't seem like much. I'm looking forward to playing the game, a lot, but I don't think I'll be doing co-op because I can't see me or my brother exactly fighting over who gets to be the stupid ball of light.
The trailer is in the link above... your body is not ready.
Gabe Newell Did An AMA and Half-Life 3 Is Confirmed
http://www.destructoid.com/valve-s-gabe-newell-did-an-ask-me-anything-271513.phtml
Come back when you realize I'm lying.
I Can't Believe I'm About To Say This
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/03/06/call-of-duty-ghosts-dlc-to-include-the-kraken
I can't believe I'm about to praise Call of Duty but the DLC coming up has a 100-foot alien and that's pretty cool. So, uh, well played, mmkay?
By the way, it'll be available April 3 on Xbox 360 and Xbone.
Year Walk Arrives On Steam
http://www.destructoid.com/hit-ios-game-year-walk-arrives-on-steam-271563.phtml
So you can be a little creeped out if you missed it on iOS.
The Last Of Us Movie Is A-Go
http://www.destructoid.com/start-your-dream-casting-they-re-making-a-last-of-us-movie-271570.phtml
It looks like the movie for The Last of Us is getting made, and just like the article says, start your dream casting now.
Cue Ellen Page remarks.
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| DID YOU KNOW THAT SHE'S GAY TOO? |
Watch Dogs May Be Delayed (Again) For The Wii U, But...
http://www.destructoid.com/watch-dogs-will-be-late-on-wii-u-to-make-full-use-of-the-platform--271565.phtml
Once again proving why Ubisoft are cool, they are concentrating on making use of the Gamepad, which would mean that Watch Dogs is the first game to do that. Burn!
Yes, it sucks that Wii U will see it later, but at least this excuse seems genuine and understandable.
Okay who am I kidding? It's not understandable for anybody who wants to play this game and only owns a Wii U.
You can pick up Watch Dogs for any system that it's on (sorry retro gamers) on May 27. That's of this year! Holy crap!
Here's Something You Probably Didn't Think You'd Ever Hear/See -- Shaq Fu Sequel
http://www.destructoid.com/crowdfunding-campaign-starts-for-shaq-fu-sequel-271557.phtml
Further proving that in this day and age you can crowdfund everything, they are trying to make a sequel to the terrible 1994 game Shaq Fu. That game as so bad that 9 year old me hated it. 9 year old me didn't hate anything besides pizza (in which I've come around, thankfully).
So what does this all mean? I'm pullin' a George Carlin on Voting here, if you pay for this, you have no right to complain. And you should be ashamed of yourself.
But I'm kind of curious about it. Dammit, that's how they get you.
Jack Tretton Is Not the SCEA CEO Anymore
http://www.destructoid.com/scea-ceo-jack-tretton-is-leaving-at-the-end-of-this-month-271573.phtml
I'm just going to leave this here, we will miss you Jack:
A replacement was already announced, but if he doesn't lay the smack down Rock-style on something then I don't really care.
You Won't Be Banned For Playing TITANFALL Early
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/titanfall-won-t-ban-you-for-playing-early-on-xbox-one-or-pc/1100-6418163/
If you receive a legit copy of TITANFALL before it takes over the world next week, go ahead and play it! Respawn won't even ban you from playing the game that you bought with your own money... but be prepared to deal with interruption of services as they prep everything.
I feel like at this point DICE and EA should follow this train of thought and retcon the Battlefield 4 release. "No guys, Battlefield 4 is actually going to be released in April 2014 and you have all just gotten the game early so we won't ban you."
Watch Dogs Has An 8-Person Freeroam Online Mode
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/watch-dogs-has-8-player-online-freeroam-multiplayer-mode/1100-6418176/
There goes Ubisoft, just teasing people again and again. It's all we know, but I'm sure people are excited for this.
Microsoft Wants Political Ads All Over Xbox Live Dashboard
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/microsoft-wants-targeted-political-ads-on-xbox-live-dashboard-courting-conservatives/1100-6418181/
Politicans can pay for ads on their service. That's pretty much all you need to know. I'm disgusted by this, because it's blatantly trying to plant empty political rhetoric into our brains as we play our games, and I would vote for me never vote for me do that vote for me in the voting booth where you vote.
I'll End This With TITANFALL, Because The World Changes Forever Next Week
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/titanfall-preload-now-live-on-pc/1100-6418174/
You can preload TITANFALL on PC right now... just download the 20gb file, and when it unpacks and installs it will be about 50gb. This isn't possible on Xbox One, so join the master race now.
Well that's it folks, another long week has gone by and we are all a little bit older and closer to death. Make sure to check back next Saturday for more of the same, or check back on the blog daily because you never know when an article is going to pop up.
Have fun and be safe.
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