Before I begin, I just want to say that people should drink responsibly. Drinking and driving is not okay, and if you think you are too drunk to drive, you are... so don't. Even if you've had a few and think you can drive... don't. I'm not a drinker myself, outside of some rare occasions, but this isn't a guilt trip. In fact, I'm making this article as a joke and it's not meant to make fun of or be insensitive towards people who have been affected by drinking in a negative way.
This isn't a serious article! So don't say, "well they don't actually do this that often in games," because it's a comedy post. And by all means, give me your own picks because I only chose five.
Though most people would have had their fun by the time they read this because St. Patrick's Day falls on a Monday and that gives people an entire weekend to forget, the actual day is today so that's why I'm posting this up.
1: Don't take a drink every time you die in Flappy Bird. Flappy Bird is considered one of the hardest mobile games and for good reason -- because it's bullshit. The simple concept of flying a bird in between pipes by tapping the screen doesn't sound hard, but in practice it's extremely frustrating because the game doesn't want you to be happy. I don't urge people to take a drink every time they die if they want to live, which is an awkward sentence.
In fact, it was reported on Gamespot on March 5th that a Flappy Bird Clone is created every 24 minutes. If you take a drink every time a clone is created then that's a much safer environment for yourself and others.
2: Don't take a drink when you die in Dark Souls 2. In what can only be described as a surefire way to make your children parentless or your parents childless , don't take a drink when you die in Dark Souls 2 because that would mean you'd be taking a drink approximately every -2 seconds. That's right... the game is so hard it kills you before you even start playing. Just don't do this kids.
3: Don't take a drink every time that Solid Snake doesn't have a sweet clue what's going on. I'm a Metal Gear fanatic -- as you're going to see over the next couple days -- but Solid Snake is notorious for not having any idea what's going on. This is a guy who is basically an ultimate soldier yet somehow he's always in the dark about what's going on.
Mind you, this is safer than 1 and 2 by a long shot, but I still wouldn't recommend it to anybody.
Every Time
4: Don't take a drink every time I die in an online first-person shooter. Unless it's Killzone -- the only FPS where I feel like I'm at least decent -- then I don't stand a chance. For your own sobriety and health, avoid taking a drink ever time I die in an online shooter.
5: Don't take a drink every time that you get called a "meat puppet" or some variation of meat in Borderlands 1 and 2. The psychos and just the general banter from enemies and NPCs is always entertaining in the Borderlands series, but you'll get called a meat puppet or a meat bicycle (or something meat related) so often that if it were a drinking game the entire room would be passed out within an hour.
No comments:
Post a Comment