Coming Through The Door Blasting Volume 1: "Fluff" Gameplay, Battlefield 4, Dark Souls 2

Written By: Tyler

In "Coming Through The Door Blasting," I will be taking aim at various video game issues, whether it's in the form of rants or confessionals... maybe a mixture of both. Consider it a series of video game related brain droppings (pixelated poops?). A lot of the opinions that I express in the "Coming Through The Door Blasting" saga (ha) will be reactions to what I've been reading around the net or hearing in person, so obviously there is a lot of generalization going on.

There's no rhyme or reason to when I will release each volume of this because I write them when I have some stuff I need to rant about and/or when the blog is low on content.


I Don't Think Dark Souls 2 Is For Me

I'll begin this with a full disclosure: I haven't played this game enough to feel like I can write a full review of it, and I probably never will. It's like a light version of a review-in-progress that will never bloom to a completed product. I would love to write a review of it, but I am just having an incredibly hard time getting into it, and some of that is on me and not the game, but I can't look at Dark Souls 2 as a masterpiece either.

I'm playing the PC version right now, and I've read that it's buggy in comparison to the console version, but since it's my point of entry on DS2, it's all I can talk about. The mouse lag is terrible and in a game of inches like this one, it's incredibly frustrating that you can't attack like you plan and intend to. The game is hard enough as is, this extra difficulty doesn't help because it's cheap. They also clearly want you to use a controller because the commands on the screen come up as, "Press A." My controller is broken, plus I'm playing on PC, so I don't think it's unreasonable to expect developers to optimize their PC games for the PC.

But that isn't why I can't really get into the game, that's just a port issue (I'm assuming) that doesn't exist in the console versions. This is going to put me at risk at receiving proclamations from people that I am a "casual gamer," but I think I'm past the point where ridiculously hard games appeal to me. I grew up with hard games, and I don't know if it's just because I'm getting older and feel like I've done my time with hard games, or if I just don't have the patience that I had when I was a kid and could only afford one game at a time -- thus making me play that same game for hours on end, regardless of how difficult it is. Or it could be that nowadays there are so many games to play that it's hard not to be pulled in a million directions, making me dedicate less time to games than I may have in my younger years. Maybe it's a mixture of all those things, but I don't like struggling my way through a point only to die and have to do it again. And again. And again. There's a death penalty where your life decreases whenever you die, though admittedly you can get a ring pretty early that helps with that by only allowing it to go down to 75%. I still don't like the idea of the death penalty. The game is hard, and each battle is difficult, and this was just unnecessary. Keep in mind, this is the point where I will concede that this whole paragraph is more of a personal problem than a game problem, except for the death penalty which I will defend as being pointless and stupid.

I don't actually think the game is this amazing accomplishment in game design either. I think it's a completely solid Action RPG, with some occasional thrilling moments and aspects I admire like the multiplayer (which I've enjoyed since Demon's Souls). I admit that when you finally complete an area and get to a bonfire it's a rewarding experience. The combat is difficult but I don't see anything awe-inspiring about it. Block/dodge, then attack. Sometimes there are multiple enemies which increases how stressful it is. I'm not saying the combat is easy, I'm just saying it's not really that in-depth.

I read somewhere that Dark Souls 2 puts its best material halfway through the game. If this is true, that doesn't actually excuse it. A game is different than a movie. Slogging through half an hour in a movie to get to the best part is different than slogging through a game for 20 hours.

Please keep in mind before you read the rest of this paragraph that this is literally just me asking questions and pondering out loud. These aren't concrete statements, they are hypothetical musings. I wonder if the game would be getting the accolades that it has been if it wasn't for the difficulty. If games back in the NES days had the same technical advancements that games of today do, would Dark Souls 2 really stand out? Or is this a moot point not even worth mentioning because the point of Dark Souls 2 is that it exists today and promises crushing difficulty and it's impossible and just plain dumb to compare it to games of yesteryear?

I know that if On The Gamely were a popular blog I'd start getting a lot of hateful comments here saying how I'm whining or crying, but if I were to give Dark Souls 2 a rating right now, I'd give it somewhere between a 7 and an 8. This is taking into consideration the fact that I believe a rating should consist of how "objectively" good the game is and your own personal taste. It is entirely possible to acknowledge a game is really good while also accepting the fact that it's just not for you. I am like that with Dark Souls 2, but I still see some problems with it. I'm glad there are a lot of people enjoying it though and I hope the series continues and makes a shit-ton of money because the variety of games is nice.


So I Took A Step Into The Realm Of Battlefield For The First Time This Past Week

I never played a Battlefield before because there are already too many shooters and another military shooter wasn't that appealing to me, despite the fact I'm in awe of the destructible environments and think it could add tremendously to the experience. I actually almost bought Battlefield 4 when it first came out but my computer couldn't run it. I consider myself lucky considering the difficulties the game has had since release.

Regardless, since it's currently on sale for $25 I reckon if I'm going to get it, I better get it now. And getted it I did. I really dig it. I'm iffy on vehicles in most competitive shooters, but depending on the game you're involved in, they can help create some truly exciting and memorable encounters. On the flip-side, it can lead to getting completely dominated in the most frustrating way possible, but my experience with BF4 has been mostly positive.

I don't want every FPS to have destructible environments, but holy crap it adds a lot. One of the first games I played, I ran into a building, the wall got blown up, so I ran into the next room and that wall got blown up. This level of destruction wouldn't be at home in certain shooters, but it's welcomed in Battlefield.

I like the game looks, feels and sounds, too. It doesn't pass my favourite shooter (Killzone), but the battles are chaotic and intense, with explosions and death everywhere you turn. Battlefield and Call of Duty compete directly with each other, despite offering different spins on the military shooter, but Battlefield stomps all over CoD.


Not Every Game Has To Be 200 Hours

I'll try to make this one quick because the article is already longer than I intended, but I don't think every game has to be long, non-linear or open-world. I don't need a million side-quests and I don't need a lot of replay value. Replay value used to come from it just being a great game that you want to experience again, though I'm not saying that another type of replay value isn't a positive thing because it is. I'm completely okay with a "short" game -- within reason -- so long as it's a memorable game.

If Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 only had the campaign, that'd be a rip-off because even though I have turned my back on CoD, I still think the campaign was great though incredibly short. Two and a half hours is too short for a full-price game.

Ten hours really isn't too short. My favourite RPG of all-time, Parasite Eve, clocks in at rougly ten hours. Mind you, games were cheaper, but the economy was also different back then. I'd be completely fine with Parasite Eve being released today with the same length because the game was fantastic from beginning to end.

We, as gamers, demand more and more from a technical standpoint these days. Games are held up to different standards because the technology is so much more advanced and we pay for that. Unfortunately this means prices also increase due to various factors, so even though cheaper games would be welcomed, you just can't expect a AAA title to do that. At least we have indie games for an alternative.

That's not to say I'm going to bat for companies pumping out short games, and unleashing unfinished games and expecting us to buy DLC is definitely not on my agenda. Bravely Default had a pretty decent runtime, and I enjoyed the hell out of that (until the end, ugh), and games such as Watch Dogs will demand lots of hours from me. There are always going to be open-world/sandbox games and I welcome that, but there's also something to be said for a concise story. If a game can do all that at once, more power to it.

My problem with a lot of longer games is that the gameplay just gets boring at some point and I end up ignoring side-quests and just doing the story. Someone could argue that since these side-quests are just extra material that you don't have to do them, but in some games you could miss out on a bunch by not doing them. I can't put the amount of time that some people do into MMOs because there's a lot of "fluff" gameplay that is just trying to extend the playtime, like stupid level/world design that makes you walk farther than you should have to. Making long-ass hallways just to make the game longer isn't appealing. Doing a million repetitive side-quests is only fun for so long most of the time.

There are exceptions to this rule, and I can be hypocritical, like with my love for Diablo-style Action RPGs. It's not an exact science. I guess my main point is that developers shouldn't stretch out the game if it doesn't make sense to do so, because it actually has the adverse effect and detracts from the overall product.



The point of these articles is to encourage discussion, so please, comment in the comment box below or tweet me @ArtBathednCrime. Let's... get this party started?

A Cloudbuilt Review - I Try To Wall Run, I Fall, I Die... Rinse, Repeat

Written By: Tyler
Platform Played On: PC

Rating: 7.5/10
Verdict: Cloudbuilt is at its best when it's letting you do the crazy platforming that it promises. There are little issues that keep me from enjoying it more, but anybody who likes hard games and Mirror's Edge inspired parkour should check it out.


Cloudbuilt was born into existence whilst promising two things: it was going to be hard with crazy, fast and clever platforming. The good news is that Cloudbuilt basically delivers on its premise. The bad news is, sometimes it's not in the best way.

In Cloudbuilt you play as a female -- and to the games credit, it's like Remember Me in the sense that you're a girl but ultimately you're just a person -- who doesn't know why her body is in a room. Every time you press the E key while standing above her body, you are transported to a new level and that's where the game gets intense.

The game is described as Sonic meets Mirror's Edge by every preview I've ever seen and that's an apt description. Take the speed from Sonic and the parkour elements from Mirror's Edge, throw in a healthy dosage of Dark Souls difficulty, and you have Cloudbuilt. You run fast and can run across walls, you have a jetpack that allows you to jump more than once, and you have a gun. You get planted at the beginning of the level and due to clever level design, you can pick one of a few different ways to get to the end of the level.

The fast-paced runner-style platforming is intriguing and is usually a lot of fun. Running up a wall, jumping to another wall and running up that is invigorating and thrilling... it's an event that gets the blood pumping. Running and then doing a massive jump, using your jetpack, is a good time. There are a lot of things you can do in this game that make it a game worth playing, and since the levels offer you different ways to reach your destination, it pays to experiment on what path works the best for you. I imagine seeing people who are great at this game will be an experience in itself because it's one of those types of games that give you a genuine feeling of satisfaction when you reach the end of each stage.

A big part of that is because the game is really hard. Unless you're a natural at this kind of thing -- and even then -- you will die a lot. You will fall to your death, only to start again... trying to perfect that perfect run through a level. Once I finally finished a level, I was left feeling like I actually accomplished something, which is an element that a lot of games lack because most games are fairly easy (on Normal). The normal in this game is frustration.

Some people love this kind of thing. People play Dark Souls for a reason, though I'd argue -- in my limited experience with that series -- that Dark Souls is better designed. I'm going to be honest here, but I don't actually love really hard games. I don't know if it's because I grew up in the NES era where a lot of games were hard and I feel like I already "did my time," or if it's just because I like to complete a game and see the story and whatnot. Maybe it's a mixture of both. Since reviews are a personal opinion, this accounts for why I didn't give the game a slightly higher score. I enjoy the game quite a bit, but I had to throw this out there because I did drop the score a teensy-weensy bit because of it.

However, the game isn't without flaws. As fun as the parkour elements are, it also suffers from the same thing that Mirror's Edge did (though I'd also argue that Mirror's Edge is a better game). I don't know why the game had guns. Most of the time the gunplay in this is just an annoyance and it actually badly affects the flow of the game. Cloudbuilt is supposed to be fast, and when you get something right, progressing through a stage is a fluid, beautiful act. Including a gun and enemies that actually corrupt that flow was a bad move. The emphasis should be on the platforming, and for the most part it is, but this issue exists.

For example, guns can shoot you from across the stage. I'm not kidding. You're not supposed to look back in this game because the genre itself is forward forward forward, but you could be standing there planning your next move and you get shot from a gun that you passed a while back. Some may argue that it keeps you on your toes, I say it's just cheap difficulty. The game is hard enough without these tricks. That's just one example, but there are aspects of the game that take you out of it. When Mirror's Edge slows the game down, it cheapens the experience. The same can be said about Cloudbuilt. I'm not against enemies being in the game, but they weren't always implemented correctly.

There are other issues too. Sometimes the game doesn't do what I want it to do, meaning I may try to jump across to another wall and it doesn't do it. I hit the wall then fall to my death. It doesn't happen a lot but it did happen a few times. It wouldn't even be worth mentioning if it weren't for the fact that the checkpoints are so few and far between that dying is traumatic. It's frustrating to be on a good run, hit the wall and not have it register and just fall to your death... only to start from the beginning because there wasn't a checkpoint anywhere near where you are. At the beginning of the game it seemed to have a good amount of checkpoints but as it went on they became more scarce. Dying because I suck is one thing, dying because the game doesn't work is another.

Don't look for any upgrade systems here, because Cloudbuilt gives you all the tools you need to succeed right from the beginning. This was an interesting move in this day and age because so many games base their accomplishments on upgrade systems. The upgrade here is the skills that you develop as you play the game.

The game is pretty. I have to give props because they do the cell-shaded thing well. This particular style is not one we see a lot of, even today despite the popularity of games like Borderlands, so it's always refreshing to see it done well. The environments are detailed, whether it's the way the rain beats down on you or looking off into the distance and seeing the rest of the level. I don't know if it'll be a nominee for Best Visuals when I do my awards at the end of the year, but I'll definitely consider it.

The music is also pretty, particularly when you're in the main room in between missions. I would sit there and listen to it for a few minutes once in a while. The music has a retro feel, and when done well (like in Cloudbuilt) that can be really appealing.


The story is vague and a mystery, and slowly unfolds in between missions. I don't think just standing in a small room and listening to someone monologue is the best way to present a plot, but this is a problem with games as a whole. I've criticized games like Haze for this kind of thing because it's really just not that entertaining standing in place while people talk all the time. A little bit is fine, but some games go overboard. Luckily Cloudbuilt has an interesting story, so it's easy to forgive it.

But really, you come here for the platforming, and like I've said, Cloudbuilt succeeds for the most part. It's interesting that we've gotten a game like this and TITANFALL in quick succession. Is this an indication of where games are going?

Cloudbuilt is a fun game. It's flawed, but that feeling you get when you finally beat a level you've been attempting for an hour is worth the price of admission alone. The small team that developed this should be proud of themselves, and anybody who wants a challenge should try this out.

Five Drinking Games Not To Play On St. Paddy's Day

Written By: Tyler

Before I begin, I just want to say that people should drink responsibly. Drinking and driving is not okay, and if you think you are too drunk to drive, you are... so don't. Even if you've had a few and think you can drive... don't. I'm not a drinker myself, outside of some rare occasions, but this isn't a guilt trip. In fact, I'm making this article as a joke and it's not meant to make fun of or be insensitive towards people who have been affected by drinking in a negative way.

This isn't a serious article! So don't say, "well they don't actually do this that often in games," because it's a comedy post. And by all means, give me your own picks because I only chose five.

Though most people would have had their fun by the time they read this because St. Patrick's Day falls on a Monday and that gives people an entire weekend to forget, the actual day is today so that's why I'm posting this up.


 1: Don't take a drink every time you die in Flappy Bird. Flappy Bird is considered one of the hardest mobile games and for good reason -- because it's bullshit. The simple concept of flying a bird in between pipes by tapping the screen doesn't sound hard, but in practice it's extremely frustrating because the game doesn't want you to be happy. I don't urge people to take a drink every time they die if they want to live, which is an awkward sentence.

In fact, it was reported on Gamespot on March 5th that a Flappy Bird Clone is created every 24 minutes. If you take a drink every time a clone is created then that's a much safer environment for yourself and others.


2: Don't take a drink when you die in Dark Souls 2. In what can only be described as a surefire way to make your children parentless or your parents childless , don't take a drink when you die in Dark Souls 2 because that would mean you'd be taking a drink approximately every -2 seconds. That's right... the game is so hard it kills you before you even start playing. Just don't do this kids.


3: Don't take a drink every time that Solid Snake doesn't have a sweet clue what's going on. I'm a Metal Gear fanatic -- as you're going to see over the next couple days -- but Solid Snake is notorious for not having any idea what's going on. This is a guy who is basically an ultimate soldier yet somehow he's always in the dark about what's going on.

Mind you, this is safer than 1 and 2 by a long shot, but I still wouldn't recommend it to anybody.
Every Time


4: Don't take a drink every time I die in an online first-person shooter. Unless it's Killzone -- the only FPS where I feel like I'm at least decent -- then I don't stand a chance. For your own sobriety and health, avoid taking a drink ever time I die in an online shooter.


5: Don't take a drink every time that you get called a "meat puppet" or some variation of meat in Borderlands 1 and 2. The psychos and just the general banter from enemies and NPCs is always entertaining in the Borderlands series, but you'll get called a meat puppet or a meat bicycle (or something meat related) so often that if it were a drinking game the entire room would be passed out within an hour.

News Round-Up February 9 - 15: More News About Titanfall, Nintendo And GOAT SIMULATOR?

Written By: Tyler

Hey peeps, what's up? Hope your week is going okay, and now that it's Saturday you can read my long-ass News Round-Up... which is a weekly thing I do where I make fun of some of the more important news of the week. Read on.


Arkham Origins Is A Bug Collector
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/batman-arkham-origins-has-no-plans-to-fix-several-game-breaking-bugs/1100-6417619/

How do you piss off your fans? How do you piss off people that paid for your product? You do exactly what Warner Brothers Montreal did this week. You tell people that if you release a patch, you will address the progression glitches, but you will not fix the other bugs. Why not push DLC over a broken game? I mean, don't even promise people that you'll fix the major issues that literally corrupt save files. Great customer service.


Remember How The Creator Of Flappy Bird Took It Down?

Last week I reported (meaning I ripped the news off of other, more credible sites... and Twitter) that the creator of Flappy Bird issued a Refused style break-up message with Flappy Bird and took it down. Well don't worry, because there's more!

You can buy a phone with Flappy Bird on it if you don't already have it... for a tremendous amount of money. Or you could buy one of the many clones that have popped up.

No... this:

Jonathan Blow would love this.

Oh, people.


Steam Update Rolls In, Shows New Updates
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/10/steam-store-adds-a-recently-updated-section

Valve updated Steam this week and the new update is an easy way to tell what games have recently been given updates. Of course this will be a good way to go back to old games. Great, just what I need, more reasons to play more games.


Minecraft-Inspired Movie SHUT DOWN
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/minecraft-inspired-movie-shut-down/1100-6417633/

The Minecraft movie that wasn't licensed by Notch that apparently didn't even have a deal in place was shut down. It's really not a surprise that Notch shut it down "Brendan Schaub vs Cyborg Abreu at Metamoris II" style considering the director of the movie doesn't own the IP.


Watch Dogs For The Wii U Delayed
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/10/watch-dogs-coming-to-wii-u-later-than-other-systems

Once upon a time there was this game called Watch Dogs that flew under the radar. When it came close to release date, it got delayed but very few people cared. Now it's scheduled for release in the Spring... except for Wii U. It's very rare that bad things happen to the Wii U so this isn't such a big deal.

...

World of Speed Is Coming And It's Going To Be Free
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/world-of-speed-a-racing-mmo-with-grand-ambitions/1100-6417561/

World of Speed is an ambitious free-to-play... oh wait, I have to listen to the internet grumble for a bit over "free-to-play."

Titanfall Will Not Allow You To Shoot Through Walls
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/titanfall-dev-explains-why-you-can-t-shoot-through-walls/1100-6417629/

In a decidedly non-Next-Gen move, Respawn announced that you can not shoot through walls in the much hyped Titanfall. So of course, in the comments section the internet erupted and argued about why this does or doesn't make sense. Screw you Titanfall! It doesn't make sense to have Titans destroying everything! This is going to be shit like CoD! Battlefield 4 rulez! DUDE TITANFALL ISN'T OUT YET! I PEED MY PANTS!

It was an internet war unlike any other, and many lives were lost. They will be missed.


New Call of Duty Will Prioritize Next-Gen Consoles and PC
http://www.destructoid.com/this-year-s-call-of-duty-to-prioritize-pc-ps4-xbox-one-270313.phtml

Speaking of next-gen, do I have some news for you.

Instead of making something for current gen (last gen? What IS IT NOW?), Sledgehammer is going to develop for the brand spankin' new consoles and PC and then port to the old systems from there. What this means is that in the new CoD we will have two dogs on screen at a time during campaign and we will also see real fish AI like Super Mario 64 since we'll be able to handle it now.


Supposedly Dark Souls 2 Is Rated T
http://www.destructoid.com/dark-souls-ii-earns-a-t-rating-from-the-esrb-270295.phtml

Unless T stands for TerriblyFrustrating, I don't see how this can be true. Due to the extremely dark and maddening aspects of the game, I would rate it CB for Chris Benoit... because it's so difficult you'll kill yourself and your family.

Too soon.

Remember That Flappy Bird Game I Talked About... Above?
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/11/flappy-bird-creator-explains-why-he-pulled-the-game

Basically, people are assholes and addicts and he didn't want to be a part. Well played dude, even if the game sucks.


Murasaki Baby -- The Trailer Is Weird, But... Strangely Alluring (Like Your Mom)
http://ca.ign.com/videos/2014/02/11/murasaki-baby-vitas-weirdest-game

If you'd ignore the fact that I made a "your mom" joke for a second and go to that link and watch the trailer for this new promising Vita game, you'll understand what I mean when I post this:

Goat Simulator
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/goat-simulator-is-a-real-game-that-s-really-happening/1100-6417672/


It's not very often that a random game shoots up my "Most Anticipated Games" list, but this one did. I'm not even joking. There is no joke here. I don't have to make one because the video will make you laugh.


Sons of Anarchy Game Is Still In Production
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/sons-of-anarchy-game-back-on-will-be-f-ing-awesome/1100-6417670/

Kurt Sutter, the creator of SoA, says that the game is in production and it's going to be "fucking awesome." Straight to the point, I like it.

In all seriousness I might play the game if Rockstar makes it -- even though the idea of an SoA game doesn't overly appeal to me (despite being a huge fan of the show) -- because they made The Warriors and that was fantastic. They also made uh, Grand Train Audio or whatever, so it might be okay.


PS4 100+ games
Microsoft 25 bucks for usage of head phones


But Enough About That Shit, Let's Hear What EA Has To Say

In the first ever EA Corner, we got the stuff that EA says, except for the things they say in private to their wives and husbands because that's probably creepy. Whenever EA says something I will be here to make the same jokes about it that I do every week. Without EA I wouldn't even have a weekly news round-up.

It's important to note that it's what EA says, not Respawn (hence Titanfall news being above). I don't want to confuse all three of my readers, you know. Let's get on it.


EA CFO (Certified Fork Operator) Blake Jorgensen stated that Titanfall is going to be a series that is around for a long, long time. Yeah, well at least a year because that's how long it's going to take to hammer out the bugs to make it work because you force it out early. Ba dum tsss.

EA CFO (Cranky Fish Omnipotent) Blake Jorgensen said that mobile games won't kill consoles. That's right, because EA will. Zing!

EA chief creative officer Rich Hilleman... wait where's Blake? Dammit, I had something going there. Anyway, Rich Hillerman went all Tower Defense and defended the crappy launch of Battlefield 4 basically stating that he won't accept that people think it's a bad product and doesn't think customers will say that anyway. He also said that they will learn from their past mistakes. Just like with Sim City. OH SNAP!

Well that concludes The EA Corner for now. Let's move onto other news.


Like The Nintendo Direct That Was Held This Week

Every Nintendo fan gets excited for Nintendo Direct. I'm no different. We shouldn't have gotten our hopes up too much because Nintendo said it was focused on games releasing this Spring (despite a couple games being shown that have later release dates).

But there's always that hope that BANG, NEW ZELDA! Or Metroid. Or Star Fox. Or Earthbound. Whatever. We didn't get it, spoiler tags.

We now know that Little Mac is in Smash Bros, which is awesome. We finally saw a little more of THE GREATEST RPG EVER -- X. We saw some more Bayonetta 2, Mario Kart, Donkey Kong, Yoshi's New Island, etc.

We saw some games that are coming for the eShop, and admittedly some of them look cool.

We saw the tears of all Nintendo fanboys.

We saw more about games we already know about. It was about par for the course with Nintendo Direct, and yet I keep getting hyped. I was going to make a hype train picture but it turns out there's already a bunch of them. Well played, Internet.


Steam Going To Have Tags
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/12/valve-introduces-user-generated-steam-tags

Now you can categorize stuff! Yay! FINALLY!

...

In all seriousness I like how the article makes sure to mention that swear words will be censored. Dang.


Farting Will Feel Authentic in the South Park RPG
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/south-park-rpg-will-make-farting-feel-authentic/1100-6417695/

In what is surely the most important news of the week, Trey Parker said that the farting will feel authentic, and I quote, "It was really important that you didn't just press a button to fart. You need to feel it go out of your asshole."

I agree! 100%. This is wonderful news, and it's nice that we're finally getting realism in our games. I think this game was meant for the Oculus Rift... if it was... on your... ass.


Square Enix Says FFXV Is Far Into Development
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/13/final-fantasy-15-quite-far-into-development

In some reassuring news, especially considering the news before that they weren't sure when the game would be released, Square Enix says that FFXV -- the latest entry in the most final series of all time -- is far into development.

I also learned that there are direct sequels coming. Do you remember the days when Final Fantasy games would just be standalones? Because Square doesn't.

Now, just get The World Ends With You 2 underway and we'll be good.


Hideo Kojima Loves the PS4 The Mostest Forever <3
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/13/hideo-kojima-praises-the-power-of-the-ps4

The article states, however, that the Xbone hasn't been released in Japan yet so Kojima may not have included it in his statement.


Xbox One Patch To Fix The Controller Input
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/13/xbox-one-patch-to-fix-controller-input-for-titanfall

Titanfall apparently runs roughshod over everything, but it's good because now the Xbox One update that is coming later this month will fix the controller input because now it's "overly twitchy."

CandySwipe Developer Published An Open Letter to King
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/12/candyswipe-dev-publishes-open-letter-to-candy-crush-publisher

As the title states, Albert Ransom -- who developed CandySwipe -- published an open letter on King.com which basically states that King are assholes and that they win, just in nicer terms.

If you aren't aware of King, they tried to mess things up for The Banner Saga too because Saga is in the title so they don't want the Viking epic to be confused with Candy Crush Saga.

Meanwhile, in a dark alley way, King are hanging out with EA. True story.


The Evil Within Gets A Release Date
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/14/the-evil-within-release-date-announced

The Evil Within, the documentary about this blog, gets a release date... and it's right now. Nah it's August 26. Prepare to piss yourself at the end of summer.


Xbox Live Gold Is Free Right Now
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/xbox-live-gold-free-for-all-this-weekend-on-xbox-360/1100-6417715/

If you're one of the few people who don't have Xbox Live Gold, then it's actually free this weekend. I don't have any jokes here, I've just realized that I don't often put positive Microsoft news. #microsoftsux


Bungie Reveals One Of The Mounts In Destiny
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/13/destiny-bungie-unveils-the-shrike-vehicle

PETA be damned.

The mount is called the Shrike.


Why Not Release a Hitman Game That Isn't Like Other Hitman Games?
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/hitman-getting-a-turn-based-strategy-game-for-real/1100-6417725/

Square Enix Montreal apparently agrees with that sentiment because they are developing a Hitman game for tablets and mobile that is a turn-based strategy game.

I'm just going to go ahead and ignore every Hitman game from now on until they literally come out and say, "Hey. We are done experimenting with a franchise that shouldn't be experimented with, we've decided Absolution pissed on everything and we're going back to what made the games so good from the beginning to Blood Money."

What is the over-under on that happening?


In Much Better News, The Arma 3 DLC Is Kind Of Like Dungeons and Dragons
http://www.destructoid.com/arma-3-s-zeus-dlc-introduces-a-new-role-game-master-270495.phtml

Oh shit.

The Zeus Game Master DLC will allow players to basically be Dungeon Masters and control objectives, spawn units, etc. I don't know how this is going to work in a game like Arma, but that's a damn cool idea and Square Enix Montreal should listen to the developers of this.


Gearbox Not Working On Borderlands 3 Now, I Repeat, Gearbox NOT Working On Borderlands 3 Now

I don't even know what to do. I don't know where to go, who to talk to. I don't know who to blame. I am so lost.

Oh you bet your ass I can. And I do.


Halo 5 Coming To Xbox In 2015... Maybe?
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/halo-5-coming-to-xbox-in-2015-according-to-master-chief-voice-actor-update/1100-6417742/

Nobody really knows except for the developers. But we like to just latch onto stuff one individual says. That's what we do.


DayZ May Come To PS4 and Xbone
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/xbox-one-and-ps4-could-get-open-world-zombie-game-dayz/1100-6417765/

This is great news to anybody who doesn't have a PC that can run DayZ. Mind you, it'll probably be better on PC but it's nice when more people are able to get killed by other, better geared players and rage quit. Console gamers should be thankful for this potential awesomeness.


Video Games May Help With Dyslexia
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/video-games-are-good-for-you-may-help-manage-dyslexia/1100-6417764/

May also help you with boredom.

It's always nice when articles like this come out because there are always going to be critics of video games who still see them as useless and a waste of time. Now however, instead of just praising this discovery and using it to better our lives, we can slap it in the face of hatas.

VIDEO GAMED.

And so there you have it -- some of the most important news of the week. Make sure to tune in next week when I make fun of more news and quietly lament Ellen Page being gay because now there's even less chance than there was before.