Written By: Tyler
Platform Played On: PC
Rating: 9/10
Verdict: If you're a fan of South Park, then this is for you. I can't imagine people who don't like South Park getting the same amount of enjoyment because it relies fairly heavily on the South Park charm.
When the television show South Park first came out, I was a teenager and I would stay up until midnight to watch it. I would laugh at things like aliens probing people, and I would watch the show for years to come. Out of the blue, I stopped watching for whatever reason. A couple years back I got back into it again and it's amazing to me that it's just as hilarious as before. This story is important because I'm important... or something. In all seriousness it's important because you pretty much have to be a South Park fan to really enjoy this I would imagine, though honestly that should have gone without saying.
South Park and The Stick of Truth is about the children of South Park and their epic role-playing game. They literally dress up as humans or elves, and they battle each other for the Stick of Truth -- an object that pretty much makes you the ruler of everything. You play as Douchebag (the game lets you put in a name but you are never called it), and I was going to say "what starts as an innocent child's game" but then I realized what game I was talking about -- the game starts offensive, but with a simplistic story, and in true South Park fashion gets more and more absurd as it goes on.
If you've come to this game it's probably because you're a fan of the series. So with that said, the story here is the main reason to play. Watching how everything unfolds, from humble beginnings as kids just playing, to a giant Taco Bell, is a treat. There was so much care and attention put into the story that every detail is spot-on, and you may spend a couple hours just wandering around seeing everything that the town has to offer, like I did. When you do the story, you meet the large cast of South Park characters and a lot of the time it's hilarious and incredible. It's been said a million times but it does sincerely feel like you're just playing an episode -- or even a season or two -- of South Park. I would imagine this ends up being the funniest game of the year.
It's a good thing that the game is so damn charming, because the actual gameplay is more RPG-lite than RPG. Some people have said that this should have been expected because South Park is simple, which is a point I don't agree with. South Park, for all its farts and crude humour, is actually an intelligent show. It deserves a more complex, but not needlessly so, role-playing experience, much like the elaborate game that the kids play themselves.
It's not that the game is bad, because it really isn't. A lot of the time in battle you have to time your attacks to make them efficient, which means it's not just a mindless game. There is a certain strategic element to the combat, since people have armor and shields that you have to break. There is also the status effects, and I haven't seen an RPG that makes use of these things as heavily as South Park does in quite a while. The characters all have unique abilities in combat and this makes it interesting to switch back and forth between them to see what works best. The abilities, and also the animations, are a blast to watch because they're so different and South Parkian. The game also allows you to use an item each turn and it doesn't take a turn. It's a fun combat system, but there aren't really a lot of abilities to choose from so you end up using the same tactics a lot of the time. Hence an RPG-lite in that regard, because most battles end up being the same thing after a certain point.
It's a little thing but I played with a mouse and keyboard and the game would be better with a controller due to the button mashing and whatnot. I had no major issues but it's worth mentioning in order to get a smoother experience.
I also find the leveling system to leave a little to be desired, but again, it's not that bad. Gamespot made a huge deal out of how simplistic the game is, and while it's a tad simplistic, it's not as bad as Kevin said. You gain Facebook friends and when you gain so many you get a Perk point, which allows you to upgrade yourself in various ways, such as revival potions (ha) now healing people to full-life. There are a decent amount of choices, and it gives you a reason to do side-quests and meet people... something I don't want to do in real life!
You also gain an Ability point every level. The Fighter class had, I believe, five different abilities though I really only used two. That might be more me than a general consensus though. Anyway, you just level up which every ability you want. It's nothing groundbreaking, but it's still something to do every level. Again, RPG-lite, because leveling up never really felt as good as it should have. It's decent, though.
A lot of people are going to complain about the length of the game, and it took me between ten and fifteen hours. I have no problem with this, and I don't expect games to offer me reasons to come back. It's appreciated, but I remember the days when "replay value" meant "play the same game over and over because you loved it." I understand that coming from the old-school conditioned me to be this way and current, or newer, gamers may not feel the same. I tend to prefer a game that gives me a shorter (though I don't deem ten hours as short) but amazing campaign over a long, dull one.
But it's true... there's not a lot of reason to come back to the game unless you just want to play it again. There are different character classes, but I don't think that's enough. The character classes are mostly generic types -- Fighter, Thief, Mage -- but Jew is an interesting one and definitely at home in South Park.
Equipment isn't as complex as some RPGs in ways, but the customization is a lot of fun. You can really only equip a helmet, armor and gloves in terms of armor, but you can constantly change your hair, face paint and facial hair. You can dye your equipment at any time. All of this means that it's fun to change yourself around once in a while. You can also put patches on your armor, which gives them various bonuses of your choosing.
The weapons consist of a ranged weapon and a melee. They both have their bonuses, and for the most part that is self-explanatory. Sometimes you need to switch to your ranged weapon if someone is in the back or defending against melee attacks, and sometimes up close and personal is the best route. Like the armor, you can modify them and make them more dangerous.
The game also doesn't offer a huge, Elder Scrolls world to explore. Don't go in thinking it will, because it doesn't. Okay? I don't even care about that, but some people seem to think that every RPG has to be Skyrim. It's not linear, but most of the game is spent in South Park (outside of a few moments... one of which being an extremely memorable trip to Canada).
Speaking of Skyrim, I love the music. There's actually a song that plays a lot throughout the game that very much sounds like one of the epic songs from that game. The soundtrack is great all-around, but that's to be expected because South Park has always had entertaining music. Hell, the South Park movie is one of the better Musicals... a contentious point that would piss off a lot of serious Musical fans I would imagine.
If the game was a little deeper this easily would have gotten an 9.5 because ultimately, I wanted to keep playing it. When I wasn't playing, I would think about it and be a little critical of it... but then I'd realize I just wanted to go back. It's that South Park charm, and seeing all the references and jokes makes it a game that is hard to put down.
This is a blog about video games. Articles, reviews, trailers, opinion pieces, other stuffs... as long as it's about video games, we doin' this.
Showing posts with label South Park RPG. Show all posts
Showing posts with label South Park RPG. Show all posts
Monday, 10 March 2014
Reviewer Douchebag -- A South Park: The Stick of Truth Review
Friday, 7 March 2014
On The Podcast Episode 5 - Vladimir Putin Is Pac-Man
It's Friday so that means a lot of people with decent jobs are in their last work day of the week. Why not celebrate that fact by listening to a podcast starring your favourite Jacob and Tyler?
We talk Vladimir Putin, games, more games, video game music, and we even tell some stories about our lives. Don't miss this um, action-packed extravaganza.
Youtube: http://youtu.be/XYuvp6MKjCY
Listen Here:
Download MP3: https://archive.org/details/onthepodcast5
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Saturday, 15 February 2014
News Round-Up February 9 - 15: More News About Titanfall, Nintendo And GOAT SIMULATOR?
Written By: Tyler
Hey peeps, what's up? Hope your week is going okay, and now that it's Saturday you can read my long-ass News Round-Up... which is a weekly thing I do where I make fun of some of the more important news of the week. Read on.
Arkham Origins Is A Bug Collector
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/batman-arkham-origins-has-no-plans-to-fix-several-game-breaking-bugs/1100-6417619/
How do you piss off your fans? How do you piss off people that paid for your product? You do exactly what Warner Brothers Montreal did this week. You tell people that if you release a patch, you will address the progression glitches, but you will not fix the other bugs. Why not push DLC over a broken game? I mean, don't even promise people that you'll fix the major issues that literally corrupt save files. Great customer service.
Remember How The Creator Of Flappy Bird Took It Down?
Last week I reported (meaning I ripped the news off of other, more credible sites... and Twitter) that the creator of Flappy Bird issued a Refused style break-up message with Flappy Bird and took it down. Well don't worry, because there's more!
You can buy a phone with Flappy Bird on it if you don't already have it... for a tremendous amount of money. Or you could buy one of the many clones that have popped up.
No... this:
Oh, people.
Steam Update Rolls In, Shows New Updates
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/10/steam-store-adds-a-recently-updated-section
Valve updated Steam this week and the new update is an easy way to tell what games have recently been given updates. Of course this will be a good way to go back to old games. Great, just what I need, more reasons to play more games.
Minecraft-Inspired Movie SHUT DOWN
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/minecraft-inspired-movie-shut-down/1100-6417633/
The Minecraft movie that wasn't licensed by Notch that apparently didn't even have a deal in place was shut down. It's really not a surprise that Notch shut it down "Brendan Schaub vs Cyborg Abreu at Metamoris II" style considering the director of the movie doesn't own the IP.
Watch Dogs For The Wii U Delayed
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/10/watch-dogs-coming-to-wii-u-later-than-other-systems
Once upon a time there was this game called Watch Dogs that flew under the radar. When it came close to release date, it got delayed but very few people cared. Now it's scheduled for release in the Spring... except for Wii U. It's very rare that bad things happen to the Wii U so this isn't such a big deal.
...
World of Speed Is Coming And It's Going To Be Free
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/world-of-speed-a-racing-mmo-with-grand-ambitions/1100-6417561/
World of Speed is an ambitious free-to-play... oh wait, I have to listen to the internet grumble for a bit over "free-to-play."
Titanfall Will Not Allow You To Shoot Through Walls
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/titanfall-dev-explains-why-you-can-t-shoot-through-walls/1100-6417629/
In a decidedly non-Next-Gen move, Respawn announced that you can not shoot through walls in the much hyped Titanfall. So of course, in the comments section the internet erupted and argued about why this does or doesn't make sense. Screw you Titanfall! It doesn't make sense to have Titans destroying everything! This is going to be shit like CoD! Battlefield 4 rulez! DUDE TITANFALL ISN'T OUT YET! I PEED MY PANTS!
It was an internet war unlike any other, and many lives were lost. They will be missed.
New Call of Duty Will Prioritize Next-Gen Consoles and PC
http://www.destructoid.com/this-year-s-call-of-duty-to-prioritize-pc-ps4-xbox-one-270313.phtml
Speaking of next-gen, do I have some news for you.
Instead of making something for current gen (last gen? What IS IT NOW?), Sledgehammer is going to develop for the brand spankin' new consoles and PC and then port to the old systems from there. What this means is that in the new CoD we will have two dogs on screen at a time during campaign and we will also see real fish AI like Super Mario 64 since we'll be able to handle it now.
Supposedly Dark Souls 2 Is Rated T
http://www.destructoid.com/dark-souls-ii-earns-a-t-rating-from-the-esrb-270295.phtml
Unless T stands for TerriblyFrustrating, I don't see how this can be true. Due to the extremely dark and maddening aspects of the game, I would rate it CB for Chris Benoit... because it's so difficult you'll kill yourself and your family.
Remember That Flappy Bird Game I Talked About... Above?
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/11/flappy-bird-creator-explains-why-he-pulled-the-game
Basically, people are assholes and addicts and he didn't want to be a part. Well played dude, even if the game sucks.
Murasaki Baby -- The Trailer Is Weird, But... Strangely Alluring (Like Your Mom)
http://ca.ign.com/videos/2014/02/11/murasaki-baby-vitas-weirdest-game
If you'd ignore the fact that I made a "your mom" joke for a second and go to that link and watch the trailer for this new promising Vita game, you'll understand what I mean when I post this:
Goat Simulator
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/goat-simulator-is-a-real-game-that-s-really-happening/1100-6417672/
It's not very often that a random game shoots up my "Most Anticipated Games" list, but this one did. I'm not even joking. There is no joke here. I don't have to make one because the video will make you laugh.
Sons of Anarchy Game Is Still In Production
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/sons-of-anarchy-game-back-on-will-be-f-ing-awesome/1100-6417670/
Kurt Sutter, the creator of SoA, says that the game is in production and it's going to be "fucking awesome." Straight to the point, I like it.
In all seriousness I might play the game if Rockstar makes it -- even though the idea of an SoA game doesn't overly appeal to me (despite being a huge fan of the show) -- because they made The Warriors and that was fantastic. They also made uh, Grand Train Audio or whatever, so it might be okay.
PS4 100+ games
Microsoft 25 bucks for usage of head phones
But Enough About That Shit, Let's Hear What EA Has To Say
In the first ever EA Corner, we got the stuff that EA says, except for the things they say in private to their wives and husbands because that's probably creepy. Whenever EA says something I will be here to make the same jokes about it that I do every week. Without EA I wouldn't even have a weekly news round-up.
It's important to note that it's what EA says, not Respawn (hence Titanfall news being above). I don't want to confuse all three of my readers, you know. Let's get on it.
EA CFO (Certified Fork Operator) Blake Jorgensen stated that Titanfall is going to be a series that is around for a long, long time. Yeah, well at least a year because that's how long it's going to take to hammer out the bugs to make it work because you force it out early. Ba dum tsss.
EA CFO (Cranky Fish Omnipotent) Blake Jorgensen said that mobile games won't kill consoles. That's right, because EA will. Zing!
EA chief creative officer Rich Hilleman... wait where's Blake? Dammit, I had something going there. Anyway, Rich Hillerman went all Tower Defense and defended the crappy launch of Battlefield 4 basically stating that he won't accept that people think it's a bad product and doesn't think customers will say that anyway. He also said that they will learn from their past mistakes. Just like with Sim City. OH SNAP!
Well that concludes The EA Corner for now. Let's move onto other news.
Like The Nintendo Direct That Was Held This Week
Every Nintendo fan gets excited for Nintendo Direct. I'm no different. We shouldn't have gotten our hopes up too much because Nintendo said it was focused on games releasing this Spring (despite a couple games being shown that have later release dates).
But there's always that hope that BANG, NEW ZELDA! Or Metroid. Or Star Fox. Or Earthbound. Whatever. We didn't get it, spoiler tags.
We now know that Little Mac is in Smash Bros, which is awesome. We finally saw a little more of THE GREATEST RPG EVER -- X. We saw some more Bayonetta 2, Mario Kart, Donkey Kong, Yoshi's New Island, etc.
We saw some games that are coming for the eShop, and admittedly some of them look cool.
We saw the tears of all Nintendo fanboys.
We saw more about games we already know about. It was about par for the course with Nintendo Direct, and yet I keep getting hyped. I was going to make a hype train picture but it turns out there's already a bunch of them. Well played, Internet.
Steam Going To Have Tags
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/12/valve-introduces-user-generated-steam-tags
Now you can categorize stuff! Yay! FINALLY!
...
In all seriousness I like how the article makes sure to mention that swear words will be censored. Dang.
Farting Will Feel Authentic in the South Park RPG
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/south-park-rpg-will-make-farting-feel-authentic/1100-6417695/
In what is surely the most important news of the week, Trey Parker said that the farting will feel authentic, and I quote, "It was really important that you didn't just press a button to fart. You need to feel it go out of your asshole."
I agree! 100%. This is wonderful news, and it's nice that we're finally getting realism in our games. I think this game was meant for the Oculus Rift... if it was... on your... ass.
Square Enix Says FFXV Is Far Into Development
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/13/final-fantasy-15-quite-far-into-development
In some reassuring news, especially considering the news before that they weren't sure when the game would be released, Square Enix says that FFXV -- the latest entry in the most final series of all time -- is far into development.
I also learned that there are direct sequels coming. Do you remember the days when Final Fantasy games would just be standalones? Because Square doesn't.
Now, just get The World Ends With You 2 underway and we'll be good.
Hideo Kojima Loves the PS4 The Mostest Forever <3
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/13/hideo-kojima-praises-the-power-of-the-ps4
The article states, however, that the Xbone hasn't been released in Japan yet so Kojima may not have included it in his statement.
Xbox One Patch To Fix The Controller Input
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/13/xbox-one-patch-to-fix-controller-input-for-titanfall
Titanfall apparently runs roughshod over everything, but it's good because now the Xbox One update that is coming later this month will fix the controller input because now it's "overly twitchy."
CandySwipe Developer Published An Open Letter to King
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/12/candyswipe-dev-publishes-open-letter-to-candy-crush-publisher
As the title states, Albert Ransom -- who developed CandySwipe -- published an open letter on King.com which basically states that King are assholes and that they win, just in nicer terms.
If you aren't aware of King, they tried to mess things up for The Banner Saga too because Saga is in the title so they don't want the Viking epic to be confused with Candy Crush Saga.
Meanwhile, in a dark alley way, King are hanging out with EA. True story.
The Evil Within Gets A Release Date
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/14/the-evil-within-release-date-announced
The Evil Within, the documentary about this blog, gets a release date... and it's right now. Nah it's August 26. Prepare to piss yourself at the end of summer.
Xbox Live Gold Is Free Right Now
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/xbox-live-gold-free-for-all-this-weekend-on-xbox-360/1100-6417715/
If you're one of the few people who don't have Xbox Live Gold, then it's actually free this weekend. I don't have any jokes here, I've just realized that I don't often put positive Microsoft news. #microsoftsux
Bungie Reveals One Of The Mounts In Destiny
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/13/destiny-bungie-unveils-the-shrike-vehicle
The mount is called the Shrike.
Why Not Release a Hitman Game That Isn't Like Other Hitman Games?
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/hitman-getting-a-turn-based-strategy-game-for-real/1100-6417725/
Square Enix Montreal apparently agrees with that sentiment because they are developing a Hitman game for tablets and mobile that is a turn-based strategy game.
I'm just going to go ahead and ignore every Hitman game from now on until they literally come out and say, "Hey. We are done experimenting with a franchise that shouldn't be experimented with, we've decided Absolution pissed on everything and we're going back to what made the games so good from the beginning to Blood Money."
What is the over-under on that happening?
In Much Better News, The Arma 3 DLC Is Kind Of Like Dungeons and Dragons
http://www.destructoid.com/arma-3-s-zeus-dlc-introduces-a-new-role-game-master-270495.phtml
The Zeus Game Master DLC will allow players to basically be Dungeon Masters and control objectives, spawn units, etc. I don't know how this is going to work in a game like Arma, but that's a damn cool idea and Square Enix Montreal should listen to the developers of this.
Gearbox Not Working On Borderlands 3 Now, I Repeat, Gearbox NOT Working On Borderlands 3 Now
I don't even know what to do. I don't know where to go, who to talk to. I don't know who to blame. I am so lost.
Oh you bet your ass I can. And I do.
Halo 5 Coming To Xbox In 2015... Maybe?
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/halo-5-coming-to-xbox-in-2015-according-to-master-chief-voice-actor-update/1100-6417742/
Nobody really knows except for the developers. But we like to just latch onto stuff one individual says. That's what we do.
DayZ May Come To PS4 and Xbone
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/xbox-one-and-ps4-could-get-open-world-zombie-game-dayz/1100-6417765/
This is great news to anybody who doesn't have a PC that can run DayZ. Mind you, it'll probably be better on PC but it's nice when more people are able to get killed by other, better geared players and rage quit. Console gamers should be thankful for this potential awesomeness.
Video Games May Help With Dyslexia
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/video-games-are-good-for-you-may-help-manage-dyslexia/1100-6417764/
May also help you with boredom.
It's always nice when articles like this come out because there are always going to be critics of video games who still see them as useless and a waste of time. Now however, instead of just praising this discovery and using it to better our lives, we can slap it in the face of hatas.
And so there you have it -- some of the most important news of the week. Make sure to tune in next week when I make fun of more news and quietly lament Ellen Page being gay because now there's even less chance than there was before.
Hey peeps, what's up? Hope your week is going okay, and now that it's Saturday you can read my long-ass News Round-Up... which is a weekly thing I do where I make fun of some of the more important news of the week. Read on.
Arkham Origins Is A Bug Collector
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/batman-arkham-origins-has-no-plans-to-fix-several-game-breaking-bugs/1100-6417619/
How do you piss off your fans? How do you piss off people that paid for your product? You do exactly what Warner Brothers Montreal did this week. You tell people that if you release a patch, you will address the progression glitches, but you will not fix the other bugs. Why not push DLC over a broken game? I mean, don't even promise people that you'll fix the major issues that literally corrupt save files. Great customer service.
Remember How The Creator Of Flappy Bird Took It Down?
Last week I reported (meaning I ripped the news off of other, more credible sites... and Twitter) that the creator of Flappy Bird issued a Refused style break-up message with Flappy Bird and took it down. Well don't worry, because there's more!
You can buy a phone with Flappy Bird on it if you don't already have it... for a tremendous amount of money. Or you could buy one of the many clones that have popped up.
No... this:
![]() |
| Jonathan Blow would love this. |
Steam Update Rolls In, Shows New Updates
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/10/steam-store-adds-a-recently-updated-section
Valve updated Steam this week and the new update is an easy way to tell what games have recently been given updates. Of course this will be a good way to go back to old games. Great, just what I need, more reasons to play more games.
Minecraft-Inspired Movie SHUT DOWN
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/minecraft-inspired-movie-shut-down/1100-6417633/
The Minecraft movie that wasn't licensed by Notch that apparently didn't even have a deal in place was shut down. It's really not a surprise that Notch shut it down "Brendan Schaub vs Cyborg Abreu at Metamoris II" style considering the director of the movie doesn't own the IP.
Watch Dogs For The Wii U Delayed
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/10/watch-dogs-coming-to-wii-u-later-than-other-systems
Once upon a time there was this game called Watch Dogs that flew under the radar. When it came close to release date, it got delayed but very few people cared. Now it's scheduled for release in the Spring... except for Wii U. It's very rare that bad things happen to the Wii U so this isn't such a big deal.
...
World of Speed Is Coming And It's Going To Be Free
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/world-of-speed-a-racing-mmo-with-grand-ambitions/1100-6417561/
World of Speed is an ambitious free-to-play... oh wait, I have to listen to the internet grumble for a bit over "free-to-play."
Titanfall Will Not Allow You To Shoot Through Walls
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/titanfall-dev-explains-why-you-can-t-shoot-through-walls/1100-6417629/
In a decidedly non-Next-Gen move, Respawn announced that you can not shoot through walls in the much hyped Titanfall. So of course, in the comments section the internet erupted and argued about why this does or doesn't make sense. Screw you Titanfall! It doesn't make sense to have Titans destroying everything! This is going to be shit like CoD! Battlefield 4 rulez! DUDE TITANFALL ISN'T OUT YET! I PEED MY PANTS!
It was an internet war unlike any other, and many lives were lost. They will be missed.
New Call of Duty Will Prioritize Next-Gen Consoles and PC
http://www.destructoid.com/this-year-s-call-of-duty-to-prioritize-pc-ps4-xbox-one-270313.phtml
Speaking of next-gen, do I have some news for you.
Instead of making something for current gen (last gen? What IS IT NOW?), Sledgehammer is going to develop for the brand spankin' new consoles and PC and then port to the old systems from there. What this means is that in the new CoD we will have two dogs on screen at a time during campaign and we will also see real fish AI like Super Mario 64 since we'll be able to handle it now.
Supposedly Dark Souls 2 Is Rated T
http://www.destructoid.com/dark-souls-ii-earns-a-t-rating-from-the-esrb-270295.phtml
Unless T stands for TerriblyFrustrating, I don't see how this can be true. Due to the extremely dark and maddening aspects of the game, I would rate it CB for Chris Benoit... because it's so difficult you'll kill yourself and your family.
| Too soon. |
Remember That Flappy Bird Game I Talked About... Above?
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/11/flappy-bird-creator-explains-why-he-pulled-the-game
Basically, people are assholes and addicts and he didn't want to be a part. Well played dude, even if the game sucks.
Murasaki Baby -- The Trailer Is Weird, But... Strangely Alluring (Like Your Mom)
http://ca.ign.com/videos/2014/02/11/murasaki-baby-vitas-weirdest-game
If you'd ignore the fact that I made a "your mom" joke for a second and go to that link and watch the trailer for this new promising Vita game, you'll understand what I mean when I post this:
Goat Simulator
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/goat-simulator-is-a-real-game-that-s-really-happening/1100-6417672/
It's not very often that a random game shoots up my "Most Anticipated Games" list, but this one did. I'm not even joking. There is no joke here. I don't have to make one because the video will make you laugh.
Sons of Anarchy Game Is Still In Production
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/sons-of-anarchy-game-back-on-will-be-f-ing-awesome/1100-6417670/
Kurt Sutter, the creator of SoA, says that the game is in production and it's going to be "fucking awesome." Straight to the point, I like it.
In all seriousness I might play the game if Rockstar makes it -- even though the idea of an SoA game doesn't overly appeal to me (despite being a huge fan of the show) -- because they made The Warriors and that was fantastic. They also made uh, Grand Train Audio or whatever, so it might be okay.
PS4 100+ games
Microsoft 25 bucks for usage of head phones
But Enough About That Shit, Let's Hear What EA Has To Say
It's important to note that it's what EA says, not Respawn (hence Titanfall news being above). I don't want to confuse all three of my readers, you know. Let's get on it.
EA CFO (Certified Fork Operator) Blake Jorgensen stated that Titanfall is going to be a series that is around for a long, long time. Yeah, well at least a year because that's how long it's going to take to hammer out the bugs to make it work because you force it out early. Ba dum tsss.
EA CFO (Cranky Fish Omnipotent) Blake Jorgensen said that mobile games won't kill consoles. That's right, because EA will. Zing!
EA chief creative officer Rich Hilleman... wait where's Blake? Dammit, I had something going there. Anyway, Rich Hillerman went all Tower Defense and defended the crappy launch of Battlefield 4 basically stating that he won't accept that people think it's a bad product and doesn't think customers will say that anyway. He also said that they will learn from their past mistakes. Just like with Sim City. OH SNAP!
Well that concludes The EA Corner for now. Let's move onto other news.
Like The Nintendo Direct That Was Held This Week
Every Nintendo fan gets excited for Nintendo Direct. I'm no different. We shouldn't have gotten our hopes up too much because Nintendo said it was focused on games releasing this Spring (despite a couple games being shown that have later release dates).
But there's always that hope that BANG, NEW ZELDA! Or Metroid. Or Star Fox. Or Earthbound. Whatever. We didn't get it, spoiler tags.
We now know that Little Mac is in Smash Bros, which is awesome. We finally saw a little more of THE GREATEST RPG EVER -- X. We saw some more Bayonetta 2, Mario Kart, Donkey Kong, Yoshi's New Island, etc.
We saw some games that are coming for the eShop, and admittedly some of them look cool.
We saw the tears of all Nintendo fanboys.
We saw more about games we already know about. It was about par for the course with Nintendo Direct, and yet I keep getting hyped. I was going to make a hype train picture but it turns out there's already a bunch of them. Well played, Internet.
Steam Going To Have Tags
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/12/valve-introduces-user-generated-steam-tags
Now you can categorize stuff! Yay! FINALLY!
...
In all seriousness I like how the article makes sure to mention that swear words will be censored. Dang.
Farting Will Feel Authentic in the South Park RPG
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/south-park-rpg-will-make-farting-feel-authentic/1100-6417695/
In what is surely the most important news of the week, Trey Parker said that the farting will feel authentic, and I quote, "It was really important that you didn't just press a button to fart. You need to feel it go out of your asshole."
I agree! 100%. This is wonderful news, and it's nice that we're finally getting realism in our games. I think this game was meant for the Oculus Rift... if it was... on your... ass.
Square Enix Says FFXV Is Far Into Development
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/13/final-fantasy-15-quite-far-into-development
In some reassuring news, especially considering the news before that they weren't sure when the game would be released, Square Enix says that FFXV -- the latest entry in the most final series of all time -- is far into development.
I also learned that there are direct sequels coming. Do you remember the days when Final Fantasy games would just be standalones? Because Square doesn't.
Now, just get The World Ends With You 2 underway and we'll be good.
Hideo Kojima Loves the PS4 The Mostest Forever <3
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/13/hideo-kojima-praises-the-power-of-the-ps4
The article states, however, that the Xbone hasn't been released in Japan yet so Kojima may not have included it in his statement.
Xbox One Patch To Fix The Controller Input
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/13/xbox-one-patch-to-fix-controller-input-for-titanfall
Titanfall apparently runs roughshod over everything, but it's good because now the Xbox One update that is coming later this month will fix the controller input because now it's "overly twitchy."
CandySwipe Developer Published An Open Letter to King
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/12/candyswipe-dev-publishes-open-letter-to-candy-crush-publisher
As the title states, Albert Ransom -- who developed CandySwipe -- published an open letter on King.com which basically states that King are assholes and that they win, just in nicer terms.
If you aren't aware of King, they tried to mess things up for The Banner Saga too because Saga is in the title so they don't want the Viking epic to be confused with Candy Crush Saga.
Meanwhile, in a dark alley way, King are hanging out with EA. True story.
The Evil Within Gets A Release Date
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/14/the-evil-within-release-date-announced
The Evil Within, the documentary about this blog, gets a release date... and it's right now. Nah it's August 26. Prepare to piss yourself at the end of summer.
Xbox Live Gold Is Free Right Now
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/xbox-live-gold-free-for-all-this-weekend-on-xbox-360/1100-6417715/
If you're one of the few people who don't have Xbox Live Gold, then it's actually free this weekend. I don't have any jokes here, I've just realized that I don't often put positive Microsoft news. #microsoftsux
Bungie Reveals One Of The Mounts In Destiny
http://ca.ign.com/articles/2014/02/13/destiny-bungie-unveils-the-shrike-vehicle
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| PETA be damned. |
Why Not Release a Hitman Game That Isn't Like Other Hitman Games?
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/hitman-getting-a-turn-based-strategy-game-for-real/1100-6417725/
Square Enix Montreal apparently agrees with that sentiment because they are developing a Hitman game for tablets and mobile that is a turn-based strategy game.
I'm just going to go ahead and ignore every Hitman game from now on until they literally come out and say, "Hey. We are done experimenting with a franchise that shouldn't be experimented with, we've decided Absolution pissed on everything and we're going back to what made the games so good from the beginning to Blood Money."
What is the over-under on that happening?
In Much Better News, The Arma 3 DLC Is Kind Of Like Dungeons and Dragons
http://www.destructoid.com/arma-3-s-zeus-dlc-introduces-a-new-role-game-master-270495.phtml
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| Oh shit. |
Gearbox Not Working On Borderlands 3 Now, I Repeat, Gearbox NOT Working On Borderlands 3 Now
I don't even know what to do. I don't know where to go, who to talk to. I don't know who to blame. I am so lost.
Oh you bet your ass I can. And I do.
Halo 5 Coming To Xbox In 2015... Maybe?
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/halo-5-coming-to-xbox-in-2015-according-to-master-chief-voice-actor-update/1100-6417742/
Nobody really knows except for the developers. But we like to just latch onto stuff one individual says. That's what we do.
DayZ May Come To PS4 and Xbone
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/xbox-one-and-ps4-could-get-open-world-zombie-game-dayz/1100-6417765/
This is great news to anybody who doesn't have a PC that can run DayZ. Mind you, it'll probably be better on PC but it's nice when more people are able to get killed by other, better geared players and rage quit. Console gamers should be thankful for this potential awesomeness.
Video Games May Help With Dyslexia
http://www.gamespot.com/articles/video-games-are-good-for-you-may-help-manage-dyslexia/1100-6417764/
May also help you with boredom.
It's always nice when articles like this come out because there are always going to be critics of video games who still see them as useless and a waste of time. Now however, instead of just praising this discovery and using it to better our lives, we can slap it in the face of hatas.
| VIDEO GAMED. |
And so there you have it -- some of the most important news of the week. Make sure to tune in next week when I make fun of more news and quietly lament Ellen Page being gay because now there's even less chance than there was before.
Labels:
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ea,
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Mursaki Baby,
Nintendo Direct,
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ps4,
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South Park RPG,
Titanfall,
Watch Dogs,
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